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After being published for 24 hours, all the messages I answer from the main blog can be viewed here (as well as any published in 2012 and earlier from the advice blog), for the sake of keeping everything tidy and on one page, for anyone who may need them, or who would just enjoy reading them. :)
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Anonymous asked (10/30/2011 1:50PM):
I cannot relate to half of the reasons, especially to the ”best friend/ love/ being loved” ones. Reading them and knowing I don’t have such a thing actually makes me want to die.
Oh sweetheart. :( I’m so sorry that’s what happens! It’s not meant to be that way at all!
Let me tell you something: the reasons I post here aren’t meant to apply to everybody. Half of them don’t apply to me, either, and I’m the one who makes them. Like that ‘best friends’ one? I don’t have any either. Anybody I could call a ‘friend’ is online. I have none in person. But you know? Just because you don’t have what some other people have doesn’t mean that you can’t still be happy, or that you don’t have your own reasons to love life.
I wish I could talk to you more and maybe give you a friend so you can check one thing off your ‘I don’t have’ list, but maybe looking at them in a different way would help as well. You may not be able to - it’s one of those infinitely easier said than done things - but accepting where you are in life, knowing that wherever you are, things will get better, and being able to appreciate the wonders of life that occur around you - the couple down the road holding hands, the friends running to hug each other, the way that tree over there has changed its colors for fall - may make you so much happier, and give you such a huge amount of inner peace that you’re willing to ride out the wave of life to wherever it takes you.
Of course, that may be completely impossible to achieve on your own, and that is nothing at all to be ashamed of. Maybe sit down and think on it a little bit instead: You might not feel you have any best friends, or any love in your life, or anything else that is bothering you, but what *do* you have? What are your passions? Your hobbies? What do you love to do? To see? To taste, hear? Is there anything you adore in the natural world? Any places you love to visit? Anything whose pure existence makes you smile?
Nobody’s reasons are better or ‘more important’ than others. It is just completely dependent on the person. It’s okay to not have what you don’t have. It is. You just might need help accepting it. <3
If you still don’t feel okay, or don’t understand what I’m saying, or actually want to die, you should message me on my personal so I can keep talking to you, or email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org. I will do everything in my power to help you, and that is a promise. <3
Anonymous asked (10/30/2011 2:01PM):
my mom died. i cant live for her anymore.
You can though! You can live for her spirit, for her life before death, for whatever in life you two may have shared before she passed away.
I do hope that your relationship was a happy one, but if so, I understand that makes it that much harder to see what I’m saying. :( Just because she isn’t around anymore, doesn’t mean she still can’t be your own reason to love being alive. Everything you do in life, actually, could be for your mom. You can eat your favorite food, and allow yourself to adore it, because you know she would want you to. You can succeed on a test in school, and do your best to get the best grade you can, because you know it would have made her smile to see you do so well. You can do so many things for your love for your mom, and even though she’s not here, it can give you so much strength and so much will to live, if only you let it. Death is a hard thing to *not* let affect you and your life in a negative way. But it doesn’t have to be like that. Her life may have ended, but yours doesn’t have to. You have the strength to overcome it. I know you do. :) You may not feel it, but anon, I believe in you. <3
Anonymous asked (10/30/2011 2:09PM):
I-I … thank you so much for your response. It made me feel a lot better… You are amazing.
And that just gave me the biggest smile. :) You are MORE than welcome my dear, it was the very least I could do. Words can’t explain how happy I am that I could help you. :) Or even that you were willing to open up to me in the first place. <3
If you ever need anything else, or aren’t feeling okay for any reason, don’t hesitate to message me again okay? I’ll always be here for you, I promise. <3
Anonymous asked (10/30/2011 2:25PM):
i was just reading all the sweet, wonderful things you’ve been saying to a few people…i’d say people like you are one of the reasons to love being alive. you can really make someone’s day a lot better. I’m not usually this cheesy, but there are moments where I just have to be. :P
Oh that is completely amazing. :D Really! It is! It’s actually very hard to stay composed sitting here reading that, haha, this calls for a dhgliaushiaushdli. :) That is.. just wow, SO incredibly sweet of you to say, thank you so much, if I could, I’d be giving you the biggest hug right now. :)
I’m probably not thanking you properly haha. ^^; But that’s likely because this just made me so very happy, and made my entire day, at the very least. :D So, I’ll say it again. Thank you!! <3 Thank you thank you! May that wonderful smile of yours never disappear. :D
Anonymous asked (10/30/2011 3:23PM):
I also feel sad when reading the reason “love”, but then I think of all the other reasons and there are so many (: For me life makes sense because of sports, friends, and all that little cute stuff. And everyone is going to find love once, I think (:
Exactly! :) It’s all dependent on what kind of person you are. <3
And I think you’re right, too. :) You may not realize it, it may not be brought to your attention, it might be extremely subtle; anything at all like that.. but I don’t think anybody goes through life not being loved at all. Maybe not in the ways we’d like, but.. it’s still there, in some level or another. :)
And may I say just how happy I am about your message, and that you feel that way? :D <3
Anonymous asked (10/30/2011 6:05PM):
Ok so I am 16 have never had a boyfriend and have never even been kissed. But there is this boy that I like soooo much an hes the first boy I can actually see myself with and we flirt and talk a lot on school an kinda outside. Now the other night he out of nowhere fb messaged me and told me that a girl, her name is angela and shes insanely gorgous, told him she liked him but he told her he didn’t like her an was sorry. By him telling ME this could that mean he may see me as more than a friend??
Hmmm. Based on what you’ve told me and assuming there’s not much you haven’t said, I would actually say yes, he just might. :) Do you two talk about other people you’re interested in often (or not interested, as the case may be)? If not, and this really is an out of the blue thing, and he felt the need to let you know that he’s not interested in this other girl, I would very much suspect that he has something there for you. :) I know *I* would be thinking that if I was in your situation, haha, I’d be going crazy with excitement. :D
The only thing I don’t know is what to do about it! That’s entirely up to you and him. If you want my thoughts though, I think you should just keep doing what you’re doing and let things play out, and see where they take you. But if my hunch is right, as long as he has the guts for it, something just might come out of what you two have together. :) (I certainly hope so, that’s one of the most exciting times of life! <3 )
Anonymous asked (10/30/2011 11:33PM)
my best friend just died, a year after my two cousins and myother best friend. Also, I have never met my biologicalfather, and my mother also died when I was young… There is no reason for me to be alive, apart from my boyfriend, and we have been fighting alot. Is this nature’s way of telling me to kill myself?
Oh honey, that isn’t anyone’s way of telling you that. :( All it is, is proof that you have lived a much harder, more difficult life than an average person, and in no way is it any kind of hidden message that you don’t deserve to live. Everybody, and I mean everybody, deserves to live, no matter what they’ve been through or what happens to them. You are no exception whatsoever. <3
Might I say, however, that I firmly believe you actually do have a reason to be alive. It’s yourself. You may not be lucky enough to have your parents, or close friends, or even a good significant other (forgive my assumptions), but no matter who else comes and goes in your life, you will always, always have yourself. You will always have your own thoughts, your own opinions, your own passions, hobbies, and quirks. You will always have your own mind, and sometimes your mind is all the company you need.
It sounds to me like you are feeling very lonely, and that you are not taking it well. But, if possible, it just might do you wonders if you try to make the transition from feeling lonely, to being alone. And there is a difference. When you’re lonely, you’re wishing you had another’s company, and it eats and eats at you consistently. But when you’re alone, it’s just you and your thoughts, wherever you are, enjoying yourself, the world, the air, the sunshine, anything.. and you like it that way. It is not an easy transition to make, and I’m not in any position to guide you in how to get there, but if you can.. you will feel beyond worlds better.
In no way did anybody abandon you, sweetheart. In no way was any of that your fault. You did nothing to deserve that kind of pain. In no way is it fair, either, and I understand that. But sometimes, unfortunate things like that happen, and we just have to learn to cope with them. And cope with them, we can. Especially you, dearie. I have full confidence that you can overcome whatever demons are haunting you. You will soon learn that you are an amazing, beautiful person, and that no matter what happened to you before, no matter who you lost, or who left you, that you can be strong, and tackle everything with confidence, knowing simply that you can. <3
Anonymous asked (10/30/2011 11:56PM):
Okay so there’s this guy I met a while back who I fell for almost immediately. He’s lovely and so funny, we talk pretty much all day every day and he just makes me happy whenever we talk! However he has a girlfriend of like 7 months :\ I don’t know what to do because I sometimes feel like he likes me but then I remember he has a girlfriend? I don’t want to break them up or anything like that but I can’t help my feelings yano? No idea what to do :(
Hmmm. I hate to be the bearer of bad news dearie, but I think the best course of action here is to try your best to get over your feelings. :( You don’t want to hang onto a hope when he’s already taken; that could drive you mad, at the very least. You don’t want to try to break them up, either, so the only thing left is to try to move on.
Which sucks, a LOT, believe me, I know. :( But there’s not much else you can do, for the sake of your own sanity. What I think you should do - which of course, varies depending on how often you see him, how often you talk, and how close you two are - is try as hard as you can to completely remove all contact. If it’s not possible - because you share classes, you don’t want to tell him why you’re avoiding him and yet don’t want to hurt his feelings by just doing it, because of any reason like that at all - then it will be a much harder test on your strength of will than it would be otherwise, unfortunately. It is MUCH easier to stop having feelings for somebody if as much contact as possible - all, ideally - is removed. That includes things like texting, phone calls, being facebook friends, talking in IMs, and especially in person. ANY connection with him, any reminders of the things you like about him, shouldn’t be accessible during the recovery process.
Believe me, I know just how much that sucks, just how badly you won’t want to do that, and just how hard or impossible it might be to do. But, I suggest that you at least try as much as you *can* do. It might even involve opening up to him, telling him how you feel, and explaining that you want to do your best to move on, so you need to stop talking to him until you feel the feelings are gone. But if you can’t do that either, well then, other than using the strength of your own mind (which is NOT easy), I don’t have much advice left. :(
I’m so sorry that I can’t give better advice, or anything that’s more tangible! But in matters of the heart, especially in matters that involve getting over someone, it’s an extremely different and varyingly difficult process for each person. Although I wish I could do more, there isn’t much more I can do other than giving you a nudge in the right direction, and wish you nothing but the best of luck. <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 12:16AM):
for the past couple of days, i’ve been really upset. i couldn’t help but think of suicide. i’m a 15 year old girl who feels lost. i feel like i’m missing out on so many things. i just haven’t been happy. tonight, i found this blog. and it saved my life. i see things that i love on here and remember why i’m alive in the first place. thank you.
Oh wow.. oh my god, really? That’s.. that’s just incredible. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, for letting it affect you so strongly, and not to mention for letting me know.
I.. just.. I don’t even have proper words to express how happy I am that you chose to keep holding on. Or how proud I am of you. Seriously.
You’ve put me at a loss for words, you beautiful person you. :) I hope that you never stop thinking that way, about all the little things you love. <3
You are more than welcome, my dear. More than welcome. :)
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 12:41AM):
i recently followed and you seem very very sweet :). if you don’t mind, if all your friends are online, what do you do every day? like.. are you alone? i’m asking because i don’t have friends in person either…
Thank you! :D <3
I don’t mind at all, actually. :) And, well haha, this might open myself up for judgement, but I am pretty much the definition of a shut in. I’ve always been super quiet and reserved, and am extremely, shamelessly nerdy. The computer, internet, and my books and video games are my best friends, haha. I’ve always been the type who prefers to stay in and finish a book, or level up some more in my MMO, rather than going out to party at night. I’ve faced my fair share of ridicule for that, too, but you know.. it’s not like I’m wasting my time. <3
That’s not to say that I’ve never had any friends. I used to. I tried pretty hard, actually, to make some while here at college (I’m a senior now). But with about 90% of them, as soon as the class we shared ended, we stopped talking, and the other 10% fizzled out some way or another as well. And that’s not even touching up on the drama that happened with my friends back home.
I am in a LDR with an amazing boyfriend, so I have him at least, as well as my mom, who I would confidently call my best friend. I also have a fair amount of spectacular friends I have made since I joined Tumblr, who have all been FAR better friends to me than anyone I have ever met in real life. So technically, with those relationships in mind, as well as how much I love my mom and boyfriend, I’m not *really* alone. Not mentally, or emotionally. But physically? Yes, I am. I have been for three or four years.
And honestly, I don’t mind it at all. :) Actually, I embrace it. But that, as with everything else in life, is an extremely different situation depending on the person. Your reasons for not having any friends may be completely different from mine, and so may be your reactions to it. I can only hope that you’re at peace with where you are as well. But if you’re not, well, you can always send me another message, and I’ll try to help you through it. :) <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 1:04AM):
i LITERALLY feel like i’m never going to have a boyfriend. like, i’m a sophomore now, and last year me and this junior had, i guess you could say, kind of a “thing” (he’s a senior now). but like, one day he totally stopped talking to me, and he said he didn’t wanna talk to me, for like no reason at all. and i have absolutely no clue what could’ve happened because i gave him space. i didn’t talk to him every day because i felt like i was annoying him, so what could’ve i have done wrong…?
Sweetheart, you did nothing wrong at all. Not at all. That was not your fault in the slightest. If anyone had any kind of problem, it was him for not knowing what he wanted, not realizing that he just can’t play with people like that, and not being mature enough to break it off in a grown up way.
It wasn’t your fault, honey. <3
I do know exactly how it feels to believe you’ll never have someone special to call yours, though. :( I used to feel that way myself, when I was your age. But let me tell you a little something I found out then: the less you’re trying to find someone to be with, the more likely that someone will find you. The happier you are with just being yourself, with where you are and what you have in life, with the knowledge that you may not be exactly where you want to be, but one day you will, and there’s no reason not to enjoy yourself in the meantime.. with all that under your belt, a real, beautiful relationship is pretty much inevitable for you. :)
Of course, that is not to say that you need to be with somebody in order to be happy. That is not true at all. But the happier you are with just yourself, the happier you will be when you have somebody to accompany you. <3
I just hope that that guy you were with didn’t do anything to really hurt or scar you. If he did, or if you feel he did, you can always come to me again, or maybe go to a friend who knows you better than I do. That way, someone can help you wrap your head around what happened, and you can come to terms with it in order to move on. <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 1:09AM):
i like a guy, but we don’t really talk, and it would be kind of weird for me to start randomly talking to him, so what should i do?!?!
Unfortunately love, I don’t think I can really help you with that unless I know the situation a bit better! It depends on a lot of things - on how long you’ve known each other, the kinds of people you both are, how often you run into each other, what you have in common, how you both act, how bold you are.. aaalll sorts of factors come into play there.
But if you want, you can always message me again and I can try to help you better if you tell me more of the story! Don’t be afraid to go un-anon, either; that way, it’s much more private, and my reply can go straight to your inbox. :) (That applies to all the other anon messengers too! <3 )
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 1:27AM):
i know this might sound so stupid, but your blog really keeps me going. there are times that i just get so sad and frustrated and i want to just end it all. (and i just read that apparently even christians who commit suicide go to heaven, which really doesn’t help) and then i look here and i just think of all the little things i’d miss or memories i’d forgotten and i feel so much better, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you :) this was really rambly, but i do mean it
Awww, thank you so much! :D <3 That doesn’t sound stupid or rambly at all, you still got your point across. :) I’m so glad it helps you out like that! Everyone deserves to be reminded of the little things in life, the little reasons to appreciate being alive, the things they love that they may not always think about. You are amongst them, my dear. :) Thank you so much for telling me! I hope that it’ll always be able to help you like that. :) <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 1:51AM):
First off let me say you’re blog is wonderful & it makes me smile and appreciate being alive more, so thank you <3 But the thing is my girlfriend recently broke up with me .. and i am such a mess. I’ve been crying over her and i hate it .. She keeps flirting with me , and it seems impossible to move on. Plus she was my first love, so it’s even harder. I just feel like no one cares that i’m upset .. help ? D:
And let me start off by saying, you are more than welcome! :)
And now may I continue, by pointing out that when I was younger, I was in that exact same situation, almost word for word. I know exactly what you mean, how upset you are, how impossible moving on seems.. and if I were able to give any advice to my past self, it would be the same thing I told that other anon earlier. Completely remove the source of the pain from the equation (if possible, of course). Stop talking to her, do what you have to to avoid meeting up with her, delete her phone number and screennames from online, defriend her on facebook, even flat out block her and ignore her if you have to. Honestly, I know that sounds really mean and heartless, and not to mention impossible seeming, but especially because she still flirts with you, if you remove the option to keep in contact with her, in all ways possible.. it will be infinitely easier to move on.
I know I wish I had done that when that same thing happened to me. It would have saved me half a year of some of the worst days of my life. But now, all I can do is try to prevent anyone else from going through that same kind of pain. I hope that’s possible for you to do hon, and I hope you’re able to go through with it and do it. You don’t deserve someone like that in your life. <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 1:55AM):
I’m really breaking, and I just can’t stop.
Well, no matter how hard you’re breaking, I hope that you can still find it in you to know that you are an absolutely beautiful person, that you are feeling nothing to be ashamed of, and that I love you. <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 2:07AM):
Can you post a picture of yourself?
Sure, if you want!
If you would though, please excuse the damp hair and the PJs - I’m out of the shower and ready for bed soon, haha. :)
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 2:35AM):
The guy I dated for a year and 2 months is now with someone else. We broke up in January and stayed pretty close, everything was great. I’m in college now and he’s still at home in his Senior year of high school. Right before I left for school he told me he would never replace me & he’d always love me. Lately, he’s been telling me he can’t wait for me to come home so we can see each other again and that he misses me but now that he’s dating someone else I can’t help but hurt. What should I do?
Hmmm. It sounds an awful lot to me like he still has feelings for you, and isn’t sure how to go about it properly, since he’s with someone else now, so he’s trying to hang onto both of you at the same time. I don’t think he realizes just how unfair that is, to the both of you, especially if she doesn’t know about what’s going on between you two.
I think what you should do, is talk to him. Whether over the phone, on skype, in IMs, or in person if you can wait that long; but you really need to sit down and have a good long talk with him. Tell him that you’ve noticed how he’s acting towards you, and how it’s really hurting you since there’s nothing you can do about it. How it’s completely unfair to all parties involved to be doing that. How he needs to make up his mind, you or her, and if he can’t, that you’re going to do it for him, and he might not be able to talk to you again, because you can’t and shouldn’t have to handle that kind of emotional toying. Honestly, I don’t think he has any idea what he’s doing, so I don’t see any kind of malicious intent behind it. But he definitely needs to be told, so he can try to stop, to be fair, to treat his current girlfriend as she deserves. The both of you really need to spend some time getting your emotions off of your chests, admitting how you still feel to one another. And from there, you two can try to decide the best way to go about it, knowing that, no matter what conclusion you both come to, how he’s acting towards you now cannot continue, not while he’s taken. One of you will have to make a stand, and change it. I just hope that the two of you decide on whatever’s right for the both of you. <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 4:04PM):
I recently got my heart broken by this guy I really thought I had a future with - he was my best friend, and he’d fancied me before, but it turns out he didn’t like me in that way the entire time we went out - which is probably why he cheated on me. My self confidence was already pretty low, and now I’m just getting worse :/ I keep getting drunk at parties and throwing myself at people, just to prove to myself there must be something attractive about me. I don’t know what to do :/
Oh honey, I’m so sorry that happened to you. :( Nobody deserves to be played with like that, ever; that can produce some really severe emotional scarring that take years to get over. I’ve been there myself, unfortunately. That happened to me too. :(
Let me start off by telling you, that there is nothing wrong with you whatsoever. You are bright, you are beautiful, you have an amazing heart, and in no way did you deserve the way he treated you. You didn’t do anything wrong, you didn’t ask to be treated like that, you are not stupid for believing that he cared. None of it was your fault. You are a gorgeous human being, and you are much stronger than you think you are.
Your getting drunk and letting your guard down at parties seems to me to be your coping mechanism for your broken heart. Not to say that that’s a bad lifestyle to live, but if for the wrong reasons or the wrong intentions, it very much can be. And I don’t think it fits the kind of person you are. You want to be valued. You want to be admired. You want to be smiled at and be seen as beautiful. I could be wrong - I’ve never engaged in that type of activity, honestly - but I don’t believe the guys at those parties are the ones to do that for you.
You need some healing, love. You need time to yourself, and as much of it as you need. Drop any act you may be putting on of being ‘fine.’ Isolate yourself from your friends for a little bit, or at least the ones you know - or just feel - wouldn’t understand. Stop doing any pretending you may be doing. That’s not doing any good for you. You need some time to reconnect with yourself, to get back in touch with your feelings, your thoughts and emotions, and your happiness, so you can truly begin to feel that things will be okay.
And they will be, sweetie. They will be okay. It might take a while, and it may not seem like it now, but guaranteed, they will be. Instead of going out at nights, stay inside and enjoy a hobby of yours, with just yourself. Cook a fancy dinner for one, and enjoy it while watching a favorite movie. Try some small things you haven’t done before, like maybe drawing, or reading a book. Take yourself out for a small shopping spree at the mall. Grab a cup of coffee at a cafe, sit by the window, and people watch for a few hours. Spend as much time with yourself as you can, and in time, you will learn to appreciate your own company. You don’t need someone else’s approval to feel beautiful. You don’t need to depend on the word of other people. All you need is yourself.
And, love, once you become at peace with yourself, and everything that comes with it, you will be more attractive all bundled up in your winter coat and a smile, than you ever were while you were trying to be someone you’re not.
You just need to get there. <3 I am, unfortunately, not the right person to help you in the actual process. But, I can hope to get you started. :) You can recover from this. Your heart will heal. You have the strength, and the will to. I know you do. You just have to find it. <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 4:35PM):
you’re so sweet and kind <333 i’m the anon who asked about you being alone . your reasons are exactly the same as mine ^_^
Awww really? That’s actually pretty cool, I always thought I was an oddball for doing all that willingly, more or less. :) I hope you’re not bothered by it? Because really, your own company is some of the best company you can ever have. :) Thank you so much for being so sweet, too! <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 4:40PM):
Hey Jen, I just want to thank you for this awesome blog! Everytime I feel down, or mad or sad, you remind me of the beautiful things in life. You inspired me. Love, Ines (I live in Belgium!)
Well hello Ines! And thank you so much for sending such a lovely message! I’ve just been so taken aback by all the positivity I’ve been receiving lately; I never expected the blog to grow like this! Thank you, thank you thank you for sharing your appreciation, you have no idea what it means to me. :D Always keep smiling that beautiful smile of yours! <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 5:04PM):
i have literally nothing to live for. i’m alone and friendless at college; my friends have all abandoned me, we hardly even talk anymore and even then they’re just telling me about their adventures in college; the guy i’ve liked for forever has a girlfriend. tonight, while everyone’s at halloween parties, i’m going to die. thanks for making this blog.
What - no, no, and no, you’re not going to die. You can’t do that to yourself, please, don’t. Please please please, listen to me.
You have everything in the world to live for. You may feel like you don’t, you may wish you were with the guy you like, you may wish you had your own group of friends, but you know what? You still have yourself. Throughout your entire life, while everyone else has been coming and going as people do, you’ve always stuck by your own side. You’ve always had your own thoughts, opinions, ideas - everything. They’ve never left you. They’ve never betrayed you. So why would you do something like that to yourself?
Of course, you may think that all I just said doesn’t apply to you, in any way. Well, in that case, ask yourself - why not? What do you feel is wrong with yourself? Why are your thoughts not good company? Why do you so crave the contact of others, to the point of this extreme?
Have you ever tried enjoying being alone? Just until you stumble upon future companions for your life - and you will stumble upon them, that is inevitable - have you ever thought that as something possible? Well, let me share something with you sweetie. I’m alone and friendless in college too. And I prefer it that way! Nobody’s around to bring me down, for me to unconsciously compare myself to, to interfere with any plans I may have set out for myself that day, to disturb how much I love to just walk and people-watch in peace.. have you ever thought about trying that out?
And for what it’s worth: I’m not going to any Halloween parties either. I’ve never been to one in my life, and I’m 21.
But what am I doing instead? Staying home, and trying my hardest to save the life of one anon whose last ditch effort for help may have been the message he or she left in my inbox.
The anon who needs to realize exactly how beautiful, wonderful, and unique of a person they are, by the way. Who needs to realize just how much they are loved by their family, just how many people wouldn’t feel the same if they weren’t around anymore.
Your life IS worth living. People DO love you. Things WILL get better. Please, I’m begging you to believe me. I may not be getting this across in the clearest way possible - what I *really* want to do is reach through my screen and hug you and hold you and talk to you until you change your mind, so words are not my strongest point at the moment - but I hope beyond hope, more strongly then I can express, that you decide to keep on living, and to give living this life of yours another shot.
Try going here as well, if you would. Or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255); that’s the national suicide prevention lifeline. They can help you too, far better than a simple girl like me could ever dream to. Please, give that a chance; give LIFE a chance.
If nothing else in this message reaches you, let it be this: I love you, and I’m asking you, from one human to another, please don’t do it. :(
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 5:21PM):
my friend committed suicide today. i cried so much, i am still crying now. how do i get happier again?
Oh no, honey, I’m so, so sorry. :( I really, truly am. That’s a terrible thing to have to go through.
Becoming happier though, especially after a death of that nature, is a very long recovery process. It won’t happen overnight, and maybe not even for the next few weeks, or even months. Maybe even years, depending on how close you were. But the important thing to remember, though, is that eventually, it will happen. It’s perfectly natural to be sad, mournful, and even depressed for any amount of time after the loss of a loved one, and really shouldn’t be anything you feel ashamed of, or feel the need to hide.
So the best advice I can give to you, would be first to understand the loss, and come to terms with it with yourself, and then continue to live your life as close to normally as you can. Try your hardest to face the reality of the situation - your friend is gone now, as sad as that may be, and that it is natural to feel upset about it in your own way, but that you did nothing to provoke it. And then gradually, on your own terms, move to completing your day to day activities, trying to reach the same level of happiness in your life as you held before, knowing that your friend wouldn’t want you to remain upset. They’d want you to continue with your life. In no way would it be betraying them.
Of course, I could be completely wrong here. This may be one subject I’m not good at giving advice for, as I’ve never been in that position, and have never experienced it for myself. The mourning and recovery processes are different for each and every person, and I’m not educated in them enough to fully understand and appreciate how people cope with their own grief. I wish I was; I wish I could help you, but I don’t think I’m the right person to go to for this. :(
Maybe you could give the phone number I posted in the message before yours a shot, and see how the people on the hotline can help you. It’s free, completely anonymous and non-judgmental, and the people answering the phones are trained professionals in this area. They could probably help you far better than I ever could, as much as I would love to help and as hard as I try.
I will say, though, that I hope from the bottom of my heart that you are okay, and that you realize no matter how long it takes, if you aren’t right now, one day, you will be. <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 5:35PM):
Theres some guy in my year and i have gotten close to him lately we calll each other best friends and tell each other everything. Yes i fell for him so hard. But the most annoy thing is he falls out with me for everything its all most hes pushing me away and he wont speak to me anymore and now hes speaking to someone else. I miss him. He speaks to loads of different people has almost the exact same conversations i get angry but mostly because i miss him. I just need advice :/
Hmmm. It sounds to me like you’re one of the many victims of a guy who isn’t sure who he is yet. It sounds to me like he’s trying out different types of people to talk to, to see who he’d like to hang out with, be friends with, and potentially go out with along the road, and in the meantime has no idea the impact he’s making.
The first thing I need to tell you is that you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t push him away, or drive him to do that, or anything at all along those lines. It’s not your fault. He did it on his own, without realizing just how much it’d be hurting you.
You also have every right to be angry. You did nothing to provoke it, and yet he’s pushing you away like that with no good reason or explanation. You can be angry about it all you want, especially if it helps with the pain that comes with it. But the best advice I can give is the kind I’ve given before: distance yourself from him, as much as you possibly can. Remove his phone number from your phone, screenname from your buddy lists, block him on facebook (yes, full out block), and do everything you can to avoid contact in person. If you not only make up your mind to drop him from your life, but remove any and all temptation to keep checking up on him, your happiness level will increase so much faster than it would in any way otherwise.
You know why? Because when you find yourself going about other activities - hanging out with friends, doing homework, being absorbed in a hobby of yours - and discover that he hasn’t crossed your mind once, that you have no idea how he’s doing or who he’s talking to now, and you just spent all that time being happy, you won’t care how he’s doing. You won’t want to know. You’ll feel so much better so much easier, and soon, you’ll find yourself not even missing him.
You don’t need a guy like that in your life, sweetie. Not the kind who plays with you like that, especially without even realizing it. Wait until the guys around you have matured a bit, until your heart feels unburdened again, and then you can try again. :)
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 5:42PM):
Hi! I think I’m depressed (for over a year now) and there’s nobody who knows it and I’m pretty confused about whether I am or not. I haven’t had suicide thoughts, but they have come up lately. Today I was walking to school and these thoughts came. I thought about your blog and I told myself not to think like this and looked around searching for beautiful things. I saw the beautiful trees with orange/yellow trees and it made me feel much better. I just wanted to thank you ^^.
Can I tell you something, you lovely anon?
It was my own thoughts like that that made me want to start this blog in the first place. <3
Would you believe that I’ve been struggling with my own off-and-on depression for the longest time as well? That I had a pretty nasty relapse of it a couple of weeks ago, that I’m working up the nerve to admit I need therapy to my parents, and that I thought making a blog that focused on the little things of life would help me just as much as it helps others?
Well, that’s how it all was born. :)
So, really, I think I should be the one thanking YOU, for helping me to realize I’m not the only one struggling and unsure like that, to remember to do that myself on my darker days, for reminding me just how appreciated what I do is, and for giving me a purpose to keep on doing what I’m doing as long as I am able to. So, thank you, from the sincerest depths of my heart, thank you, so very much. :) <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 6:21PM):
I’m crazy. I see things that try to hurt me. Climb into the shower with me. Chase me down the streets. Play with my feet in the middle of the night. I’m depressed. I constantly think about, and end up, cutting. I’m not happy on Earth; I’m not happy with myself or anyone around me. I don’t want to be here but I have no idea where else to go. There’s no getting better, as far as I can see. Right here, right now? I’m just killin’ time. Not like I have anything better to do, anyway.
Hmmm, have you tried any kinds of hobbies that you’re interested in? Drawing, reading, writing, sewing, anything at all of the sort? Something that you could lose yourself in, and really focus your attention into, so that you aren’t thinking as much about the negative things that fly through your head.
If you have, and it hasn’t worked, or you don’t care to, then I’m not really sure the kind of advice I can give. :( I can’t connect as easily with that kind of thing as I can with emotional problems, so the best thing I can suggest, which you may end up hating, is to go talk to a professional, and see the kinds of things they can suggest for you. As for me, I’m really only a college girl with issues just like anybody else, who loves to spend her time attempting to help others. I’m not an expert. :( I wish I was, but as I am right now, I’m not in a good enough spot to guide you.
In the meantime though, maybe you should try to pick up that pencil and paper, or go for that book you see in the store, or engage in anything else that may seem interesting to you, and see where that takes you. It may not seem quite so much of a waste of time then. :]
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 6:32PM):
Hi, you just answered my question(the one about depression). Your answer really made me cry, but then it made me smile. I want to tell someone about how I feel. My relationship with my parents isnt very good, I have one friend with who I dont talk a lot + I dont think I trust her enough and there is actually no one I can really talk to. Who do you think is best to tell it to? Btw I also feel guilty about feeling this way; Im not poor, my parents are together, I can go to school etc
Hello again. :) <3
Hmm, well the first thing I wanna make sure you know, is that you really don’t have to feel guilty at all. Just because you have those kinds of privileges, doesn’t make you exempt from any kind of depression or social issues. Anyone in the human race can suffer from it, even the richest and most satisfied person in the world. It’s part of being human, and nothing to be ashamed of.
And as for the best person to go to, well that depends on where you’re at right now. If you’re still in high school, or even middle school, then the best person you could go to would be your school counselor, or maybe one of your favorite teachers you know you’d be able to trust. If you’re past that and into college, it would depend on exactly what college you are going to, but some of them provide a free counseling session in your tuition, and in that session you could ask whoever you’re speaking to, and they could also help you. I’m not sure how much you’d be willing to tell your parents about what you’re doing, but I’m fairly confident in saying that they wouldn’t know about it.
Those are the easiest ways I can think of to find someone to go to to talk to, although there are probably others out there I’m not aware of, or other ways to go about it and whatnot. But that’s the best I can do from where I stand, and I hope that it’s at least been able to nudge you in the right direction. :)
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 6:39PM):
okay so im a lesbian, and one day i met a beautiful girl, she was just different from everyone else. and we just clicked immidiately, she smiled and laughed at EVERYTHING i said and did, and we always had eye contact, one time when she sat in the car she waved and then we smiled and looked at eachother for atleast 4 seconds! when i look at her she’s always already looking, is this friendly or is it something between us? im so confused :(
That *miiight* be the very first buddings of something between you, but I think it’s too early to know for sure. Do you know if she’s into girls as well? If you’re not sure about that either, then what I would suggest is to distance yourself, just a little tiny bit, in order to let things flow naturally as they would, unprovoked and uninhibited, and also in order to help lessen any pain that might happen in case it’s not a romantic thing. If I were you, I would try my best not to do any over-analyzing (and I know how hard that is!), and just see how things go, see if things continue in this way. If they do still, for a good amount of time, and even after clearing your vision of it a little bit, then I would say yes, there would seem to be something between you two. You just have to wait it out to see for sure. :) <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 6:44PM):
Oh and I really hope you are feeling okay, if not I hope you’re going to feel fine very soon because you really dont deserve to feel bad. and I wanted to say that you’re a wonderful person helping me and all these people.
:) <3 I’m feeling as fine as I can be right now. If anything, I might be a little overwhelmed, since I’ve NEVER had this much attention or this many people asking for my help before. It’s not because I don’t love it, though; it’s more because there isn’t enough time in my day to properly focus on answering each message as much as I’d want to. But hey, it’s nothing I’m not handling as well as I can, and I’m feeling just fine despite that, and despite all the other little things going on. :)
And that’s not even touching on how good I feel from helping so many people here. :D
You’re amazing for asking, by the way, thank you so much. :) <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 7:22PM):
I just wanted to say you’re wonderful for starting up this blog - It helps remind me that sometimes it’s the simple things in life that make it all worth it!
:D Thank you so much! That’s exactly what I always set out to try to do, I’m so glad you see that! <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 7:36PM):
Hi Jen :/ I was molested at 3 and a half and I haven’t told my Mom or Brother about It. I cry almost every night, because I’m scared he’ll come back and do It again or try and hurt my family, but I can’t tell them because I don’t want things to change It. It would kill them. How do I make the pain go away and forget? I’m sick of feeling like this.
Oooh, this one really hits home for me. It didn’t happen when I was that young, but about 15 years later in my case, so I apologize profusely in advance if my advice isn’t the greatest, but that would be because I’m still trying to figure out how to go about that myself. :(
But.. I think the best thing you can do to help yourself right now, especially if you don’t want to tell your family (which would have been what I’d suggest), would be to tell another adult you trust. A friend’s parent, maybe? Or a favorite teacher? Your school’s counselor? It really is dependent on how old you are, too; if you’re still young-ish or so, it’d make it hard to tell someone without your family eventually finding out. And I really do think that opening up about it, really talking about it and getting it out of your system, would be a good step towards recovering from it and finally feeling better.
If you want my honest opinion though, I really do think it’d be worth telling your family. That way, they’d be able to protect you, help you, love you and shelter you, and give you the resources you need to be able to recover from it. Plus, if you remember who the man was, you might be able to help get him caught, so that he doesn’t do it again to someone else.
That won’t help you recover fully, not by a long shot, since something like that is one of the most emotionally traumatizing things a person can go through. But, it should at least be able to help you get started. You shouldn’t have to carry that kind of burden with you your entire life, or even longer than you have to. Nobody deserves that. Ever.
Stay strong, sweetheart. Don’t hold it in, talk about it to whoever you trust, and know you have all my hope for you to get better. <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 7:59PM):
My dad died about five years ago to ALS and Ive been staying strong for too long. Today I came home, to find out my mom is really sick, but Im not sure of what. Im scared that I will lose her too. I question my faith of how God could do this to me,taking away him,my grandma,and so many more people. I sit in my room everynight crying to myself. I dont have many friends anymore,since i told them i cut myself and they freaked. im not sure what to do,i make horrible choices. help me, please.
Oh sweetheart, that’s terrible, I’m so, so sorry. :( Nobody deserves that kind of pain, really, they don’t. I’m so sorry you have to go through this right now. :(
But first, let me remind you, you are not alone. It may not feel like it, but you still have the people who are still around you. You still have the spirits of those who have passed away. And yes, you still have God, who may just be letting life take its course, rather than being malicious towards you. I’m not a religious person at all, but from what I know, he wouldn’t do that to people. It may not seem fair, but to be truthful, later in life, everything you’re going through now will make you that much stronger then, and you will then be able to turn around, smile at the sky, and be thankful for everything that made you as strong as you can be.
I know that doesn’t seem a fair way to go about that kind of result at all, but there isn’t very much we can do about the cards fate deals us, is there? But in the meantime, I believe you need to find someone you can talk to. Maybe try to make some new friends, or go to any adult in your life that you can trust. Or maybe, try going to your mom herself, if you two are close enough for it. The point being, you don’t want to hold it in. You don’t want to keep doing what you’re doing. You want to try to feel better, to recover, to come to terms with yourself and the things going on around you in order to achieve happiness. And I believe the first step towards achieving that, is talking about it with somebody. Somebody who knows you, or can easily get to know you, who has your best interests in heart and is willing to go through whatever it takes with you in order to help you turn around and see the light of life again.
I hope that all makes sense, and I especially hope that someone like that is accessible to you in some way or another. But for the most part, I believe that you have every ounce of strength you need to look towards the happy parts of life, to stop feeling as if you make bad decisions, and to more or less turn your life around from the direction it’s going in. You just need somebody to help you find it. <3
Anonymous asked (10/31/2011 10:23PM):
Isn’t life wonderful? Just like you, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!
It *is* wonderful!
Haha, well thank you, you super sweet anon! :D <3
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 2:36AM):
Hi for the third time, you answered two of my questions yesterday(about depression). I’m 17 and still in secondary school so I’ll try to tell someone I trust at school. I want to thank you so much for being so kind to me and answering my questions, you really helped me feel a bit better about myself. I really hope you’re doing okay now and if not, I hope you’ll be soon because you really don’t deserve to feel bad. Thanks again for helping me and all those other people! :)
Oh you are very welcome dearie, you really don’t have to thank me at all. It’s the least I could do for someone in need of help. :) Really, it is! I’m so glad I could help you, if at least a little bit! <3
And, thank you, as well. :) I am doing just fine and have things under control, so you don’t need to waste your time worrying about me at all. ^^ I really hope that it works out well for you! You deserve nothing less than complete happiness in your life. :) <3
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 2:55AM):
I just want to thank you for this blog. I’ve been going through a rough spot and this is helping me remember just why I’m still alive all the good things that come from living. You are amazing for running this.
:D You really don’t have to thank me dearie, I absolutely love doing this for everybody. It’s one of my favorite things to do every day, since I started it. :D I’m so very glad that it’s helping you like that! I hope I’m always able to make it so that it’ll never stop being an inspiration to people like you. :) Thank you so much for being so sweet! <3
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 12:37PM):
Hi. I see you are super sweet with everyone and always have the best advices, so i have to ask something. 3 years ago i was a happy girl, i mean it, really happy, i laughed at everything, everything caused me joy, everything was fine, i swear my life was perfect. Then, my mom cheated on my dad with his best friend. And it all went down, we moved to other city but she kept doing it, my dad tried to kill himself, my mom left us at least 8 times, she always came back and left again. My two sisters who had 3 and 9 at that time were broken, all my family hated us, my grandma told my sister and me that it was our fault. In my school when my classmates found out called my mother a whore, and called me a whore’s daughter. I didn’t cried in all that time, i just cut myself in the wrists and my legs, i cut and cut everynight. I didn’t cared, i just wanted the pain to go away. My mom had been with us a year now, and everything is “fine” now, but i can’t seem to be
i wanted to sent three. i don’t know why it didn’t sent. i just wanted to tell you, i’ve been to psychologists, to 8 to be exact, i’ve told my bestfriend, i’ve told my boyfriend and i thought i was fine, i thought everything was alright but i can’t stop crying everynight, i want my joy back, i want myself back, and no i don’t want to die, i love my life, but i want to be myself back. i want to have joy, to be happy again. Thankyou so much. You’re so sweet.
For sake of clarity, I combined the three messages you sent. I hope that’s okay. <3
But that is absolutely terrible, love, you never, ever should have been blamed for that, I’m so, so sorry. :( By your own grandmother.. and your classmates.. wow, they really had no idea what it was doing to you, did they. Likely, that was just your grandma’s own coping mechanism, but it doesn’t make it okay what she said to you. And kids in school.. well, I’m not sure why still, but kids in school can be just plain cruel. :(
I’m so sorry you have to be going through that, sweetheart. Really, I am. <3 Especially if you’ve told everyone you can, and you still don’t feel okay. :(
There are a couple of things I can think of, that just might help you get on the path towards getting your old happiness back. First off, have you thought about telling your mom herself about all this? About how much it’s hurt you, all that it’s doing to you, as well as your sisters? That *may* be surprisingly effective at getting things off your chest, and ultimately feeling better. Are you two close enough to be able to do that and have her understand, and be a mom to you?
If not, well, that’s probably not a proper course of action then, and makes for a much harder time trying to feel better, since all I can think of then would depend entirely on yourself and your own mental strength. I could be wrong - there are likely a good number of other things you could try, but I’m not an expert and don’t know of them :( - but maybe if you really spend a lot of time doing something you love doing, and try to really get in touch with yourself, as I’ve mentioned before with other people.. it might help you restore your mind in the right direction. Another thing to do, also, would be to stop any pretending you might be doing. Stop trying to put on an “I’m okay” face, stop trying to be strong, to be alright, if you’re really feeling you’re not. I know you feel you might need to be, especially for your sisters, but really understanding and accepting where you’re at right now, might really help you towards finally beginning to feel better.
I really hope that that helped you in some way, sweetie, I’m not properly trained enough in order to help you as much as I’d like. :( But maybe it’s given you something to think about, at least. This kind of thing you ultimately need to figure out for yourself. <3
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 12:54PM):
I think Im becoming depressed but not sure. I have taken tests online and Its kinda saying I am. My “friends” have been really bitchy 2 me lately and just ignoring me and acting like I don’t care. This has just not been a good year with people back stabbing me and just getting treated like shit. I am moving 2 a new school next year cause I keep feeling awful everyday. I don’t know what do and always feel like crying. I feel really alone and sometimes wonder the point of even keeping going on.
Oh honey, you’re never alone out there. *gives you a huge hug* Never, never never.
Here’s a story for you: when I started going out with my boyfriend, who lives in a completely different state, nobody I knew liked it. My family especially disapproved, and my friends, well, they trash talked him, acted as if they knew better than me, and treated me like a little kid who was in over her head. All behind my back at first, but then once I found out, it was to my face. After I never did or said a thing whenever they made their own decisions, which might I add, were a lot worse than deciding to date a guy who doesn’t live nearby.
My family ended up apologizing and giving him another chance. My friends never did. And we’ve been together for over a year and a half now. I’m not sure why they chose to act like that (especially given that one of them, I’d been friends with for around eight years), but I won’t forgive them for it. Especially since he and I are still together. It flat out proved them wrong, and they still won’t apologize for all the belittling and degrading they’d put me through.
And might I add that they also thought I should go back to my ex-boyfriend? Who raped me? Because he lived closer and we were ‘together for so long, it seems stupid to end it’ (three years)?
Yeah. Some friends I had. (I’m terribly sorry if that was triggering. :[ )
So, no, sweetheart. You’re really not alone. At one point, I was in a very similar situation as you. <3
I think it’s a great idea, personally, to be moving to a new school. Along with that will come the usual ‘new kid’ scenarios, but it’ll also give you a chance to be yourself, and make some new, real friends without fear of judgement and ridicule. The positives WAY outweigh the negatives in this kind of situation. So I’m very glad to hear of you doing that. :)
And to address your initial point, I think that yes, you may be in the early stages of depression. That is nothing at all to be ashamed of, first off. <3 You’re not ‘weak,’ or ‘dumb,’ or anything else like that. The stresses of life are just getting to you.
The first thing I think you should do, that might help, is to completely break yourself off from your ‘friends,’ as soon as you can. Yes, before you leave for your new school. That will help you start to feel better that much earlier, if those people are no longer in your life anymore. And secondly, I think you need to get back in touch with yourself again. Spend some time doing anything at all that you love, discovering new things that you enjoy, take yourself out for dinner, out for a walk, spend an evening reading a book - anything peaceful and relaxing like that, where it’s just you and your thoughts, nothing negative, only the positives. Those kinds of activities won’t be enough to be fully recovering, unfortunately, but they could maybe be enough to help you get started. <3
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 1:04PM):
can you make a separate tumblr or something for all these posts? they’re not the reason people are following you and it’s annoying that they clog up people’s dashboards.
Meh, I was thinking about that, with as many as I’ve been getting. I never thought anything other than just an occasional message here or there would happen, to be honest.
And also to be honest, I don’t really think it should be an annoying thing to see on your dash. It goes hand in hand with the point of the blog, and they’re published because they’re anonymous, and can’t be answered any other way.
But yes, it is something I’ve been thinking about. I was wondering when I’d get a message like this, lol. I never meant to ‘clog’ anything. Only to give fair attention to the messages that I get.
I probably will figure out a system for that in a little bit, I think I know of a way to make it work.
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 1:52PM):
it is not that you’re clogging a dashboard, but some of the things being mentioned by the anons are quite triggering to those who have suffered from things like eating disorders and self harm issues. i follow this blog to try and move on from those things, not have them on my dashboard again.
Alright, that’s actually a good point. I didn’t intend for this to be triggering in any way, I didn’t think about that I suppose. :(
Not to worry though, I did make a side blog and connected it quite simply with this one, in an attempt to just move the messages. I’ll make a post about it in a minute, so that everyone’ll know. I hope it’s simple enough to figure out!
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 2:34PM):
Maybe I can get your advise on something: I think I’m too nice of a person. I’m an “abuse addict”. I have self injured since i was little, like 7, and I voluntarily put myself in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic. I was with my boyfriend for over a year and throughout the whole relationship he would beat me up and abuse me sexually on a regular basis, but for me, i felt i deserved it, it was a form of self injury through him. A friend talked me into breaking up with him, but now its like
I don’t think I got your second message, sweetheart. :( (Why is that happening so much lately?? >< )
I will admit though, I don’t think I’m in a proper position to give you advice on that kind of thing. :( I really have no experience with any kind of addiction whatsoever, be it substance abuse, a certain mindset, or what it is you’re going through. That is the kind of thing you should take up with an adult who knows you well, and who you trust, or a professional psychologist.
I’m really sorry, I just don’t think I’m the right person to go to, and I don’t want to end up making your situation even worse by giving you bad advice. :(
But for what it’s worth, if you did really leave him, I am very proud of you. <3 And also, no matter what happens or who you go to for help, remember that you are never, ever alone in your troubles. You don’t ever need to feel like you ‘deserved’ anything, that you’re a bad person, that you’re completely alone in the world, or anything at all like that. Not one bit of it is true, and you are nothing less than a completely beautiful person who truly does deserve happiness in her life. I can only hope that you help yourself find it. <3
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 2:49PM):
First, I just wanted to say thank you. You put in so much time and effort on trying to help people. I could use some advice; my sister hurts our family with her mental illness. She relapsed almost two years ago. The pain she put my family through was terrible. The way her mind works is that she beats herself up and then blames my dad, who is the best man alive. She’s finally receiving treatment, and my parents are getting involved with her again. But I’m so angry and afraid she’ll hurt us again.
And I want to start by saying, you are very welcome my dear. :)
But, hmmm. That certainly is a tough situation to be in, isn’t it? :( But, unfortunately, there isn’t anything you can do to change her. Her receiving treatment, and what seems to be happening now, seems to be the best way for her to get better about it. But in the meantime, there doesn’t seem to be very much point in getting angry at her about it. I know you may not be able to help it, and I know it’s extremely frustrating to not be able to help her see sense, but really, she can’t help it either. I just think you could be better off if you tried your hardest to somehow accept her behavior, and take it in stride, knowing that she can’t control what she’s doing, and you may end up feeling better about the entire situation.
As it is, I might be completely wrong as well. I’m not sure of the entire story - there may be more relevant details you haven’t mentioned - and it’s a LOT easier to say ‘change your way of thinking about it’ than it is to actually do it. But regardless, I hope that one way or another, you’re able to come to peace with yourself about it, and especially with your sister. She may not be able to help what she does to herself, but you can. <3
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 3:01PM):
i dont think it “clogs” up my dash… i actually like to see these messages… it might sound a bit mean or rude in a way, but the messages remind me that my life isnt all too hard and alot worse things could be happening to me… it is yet another “reason to love being alive” in my case, the reason being that i do have a good family, support system, and life in general… sure it may get a bit tough at times but hey at least i didnt go threw anything all to tragic in my life….
And that certainly is another way of thinking about it. It really is a way - a morbid way, perhaps, but still a way - to feel appreciation for the things you may have in your own life.
And if that is truly the case, then allow me to emphasize just how lucky you really are, and express my hope that you never stop appreciating it. :] There is nothing wrong with living a life like that, with close to no hardships, but too many people go through them without appreciating what they have, realizing that other people don’t have it as well as they do, or caring about what others have to go through. You, honey, don’t sound like you’re one of those people, and for that, I am very grateful. :)
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 3:04PM):
I’m the anon who raised the point it might have been a bit triggering, and no hard feelings at all, I promise. I think you’re doing a wonderful job on the blog and I plan to keep following :)
Oh that’s great to hear, thank you for telling me. :) And thank you for pointing out what you did earlier too, I’m not sure why I hadn’t realized that it might’ve been triggering for some people. Hell, some of it is even triggering for me, so I really don’t know why I didn’t see that. ^^; Not to worry though, I’m trying a new messaging system to see how well it works. Hopefully, the triggers here will now be kept to a minimum. :)
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 3:14PM):
does it trouble you to give advice to everyone? dont you ever feel like its too much, or that you need someone to talk to sometimes too? i have a friend who reminds me of you, she helps everyone out and gives the best advice, but she never goes to anyone with her problems. sometimes i worry its all to much for her and that my other friends and i bother her too much.
Well that’s a sweet question to ask. :) It never ‘troubles’ me, persay - I’m more than glad to be able to help people - but sometimes, it does feel like it’s a little too much. I suppose, in times like those, rather than telling people to stop sending me messages, I should take a break, like getting up to make myself something to eat, reading a chapter in my book, playing my games some, or anything like that. Something to get my mind off it for a while, so I can get back to helping people without feeling inhibited myself. :)
And yes, I do feel sometimes like I need someone to talk to myself. But, honestly, I never do it, one reason why being that anything I need to talk about pretty much needs my entire life explained, and I don’t always have time for it, nor do I want to feel sad thinking about it, and another reason why is because I never want to burden anyone with what’s troubling me. I also feel that some of the issues going on with me are likely way over the heads of anyone who isn’t a trained psychologist, which is why I’ve been entertaining the idea of therapy lately.
But not to worry, whatever’s going on in my head, I have under almost complete control. :) You - and anyone else! - don’t have to feel bad asking me for whatever help and advice you feel you need. I’ll take anything in stride, and always do my best to help. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself, don’t you worry, sweet anon. :) <3
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 3:43PM):
i don’t even know what i want to be or do in my life. i am behind in everything. i can’t stand my school and everyone in it. (i am a freshman in high school.) it is so hard to go from being at the top to being knocked down to the bottom again. i want to lay in bed and do nothing, and never go back. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’ve been cutting because it’s the only way i can feel something at the moment. i am just.. so lost. how do i get my life back to the successful place it once was?
Do you want to know something interesting?
I’m actually having the same kinds of problems, finding myself not caring about my classes, my homework or the grades I’m getting. It’s completely unlike me - I’m such a fiend for learning! - and I still haven’t figured out how to get that motivation back into my head. I also have no idea what I want to be or do in life, and I’m a senior in college, graduating in the spring. So believe me love, I know what you’re going through. <3
Although, admittedly, your situation is different from mine. It sounds like you’re not really coping very well with the transition to high school, am I right? If you do think that is the case - and I am incredibly sorry if you are, not everyone is cut out for the way the school system works :( - then I think there are two ways to try to go about it. One being, try to take some time for yourself and the things you know you love to do, if you can, so you can feel refreshed. Really lose yourself in any hobby you may have, and allow yourself to have fun and to love what you’re doing. Be productive in that manner, and you may feel willing to transfer that productiveness over to your school life, after you show yourself that you are able to still do the things you used to.
Another way, if you’re having troubles being able to do that, or even along with it, would be to try to talk to someone you trust, who’s in a position to help you. One of your parents, maybe, or a sibling, a friend’s parent, someone at school, at church.. anyone you’d be able to go to. Those people are likely to know you well, and be able to give you more specific advice more tailored to your situation. And, also, it may do wonders to help you if you got it off your chest with someone in person. :]
I really hope that does some good to help you, sweetheart. It’s not too late to get back to where you used to be, if you really want to be there. :)
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 5:32PM):
I know what it’s like to have stuff being a trigger. Before this year it would have been for me. I have a tip: if you are attempting to recover, look at these things as a reminder of why you are trying so hard to help yourself/get help. I know that helped me, and I hope it helps anyone that is having a hard time getting over their depression, eating disorder, cutting, etc…
It probably would have been for myself too, a year or so ago, to be honest, so I know what you mean. <3 But yes, trying to look at it in that way, and trying to control the automatic surge of memories that occurs when something like that shows up, is an interesting way to try to recover. :)
Thank you so much for the sweet message, love. :) <3
Anonymous asked (11/01/2011 5:56PM):
so I dont want to get hate or people saying Im ungrateful because my life is okay, Im pretty lucky… I dont have all these awful things happen to me like the other anons. But I do need some advice… Im 17 years old, Ive never kissed someone had a boyfriend, everyone in my year has and I feel so stupid, they laugh and pity me but… is it wrong? That Ive never kissed someone? does it make me a pathetic reject like they say it does? I just need someone to tell me its okay :/
Oh sweetheart, c’mere. :( *gives you a huge hug* Of course that’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with that at all. There’s nothing wrong with it, and nothing wrong with you. <3 I know a couple people who are 21, even 24, and have still never kissed or been with anybody either. And not a thing is wrong with that!
All it is is society’s expectations for us to ‘date early,’ and quite a lot of people out there feel that that’s the only way to be. It’s their way to feel attractive, to feel wanted, desired, important, valued.. all kinds of things like that. And they especially feel that way when they see others their age not having what they have, and not yet being mature enough to know any other way, enjoy feeling better about themselves by bringing others down.
But, the truth behind the matter, hon, is that there’s nothing wrong with you in the slightest. So what if you’re 17 and never been with anybody? What difference does that make? So what if everyone around you is dating, and you’re not? That’s their own choice, it has nothing to do with you. The same way your life has nothing to do with them. In no way does it mean you’re a reject. I know that may seem impossible to see - I once thought the exact same thing as you - but it really, really is not your fault.
If anything, you could try to look at it as a good thing, rather than a bad. This way, you have more time just for yourself, for your own thoughts, interests, and passions, without having to worry about someone else’s as well this early in your life. You’ll me more emotionally mature for when it *does* happen, more prepared, and much more appreciative. And not to mention, more likely to find someone else at the same level of maturity as you. :)
And all that to me, love, sounds like a much better way to be than anything else anyone ever ‘expects’ you to be. :) <3
Anonymous asked (11/02/2011 1:37AM):
Hey, I was wondering if you had any tips on how to stop thinking about someone 24/7. He lives 8 hours away, so it’s impossible for me to be with him but it still breaks my heart. How can I stop thinking about him all the time? When I’m alone, is there any tip your can give me on how to keep distracted? Thank you, I think your blog is wonderful! :)
Oohh, those kinds of relationships are always the hardest. :( Are you actually with him? Or do you just wish you were?
Going off of your wording, I’m willing to say that you’re not with him. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, of course! But that does make it a little harder to get him off your mind, since he won’t be able to help you with it.
But what I would definitely recommend, is finding something you love doing that completely absorbs all of your attention. Video gaming, reading, blog keeping, and organizing are what do it for me, but it’s different for every person. Maybe it’s drawing for you, or sewing, cross-stich, knitting, writing, wiki-surfing, coloring in those geometrical design books; anything at all, really. There’s a whole world of things out there you could lose yourself into, that you’ll find yourself looking forward to doing every day. You might even find yourself not having the time to think about him anymore, if you love what you’re doing enough. :)
You might also have to try multiple things to find something that does that for you, but hey, everyone has at least *one* thing out there that they love doing more than anything else. If you don’t know what it is yet, well then, you just have to discover it. And in the process of doing that, your mind should be well on the way towards having your thoughts to yourself again. :) <3
Anonymous asked (11/02/2011 2:16AM):
idk what’s wrong, i’m miserable.. many things are wrong, but i just can’t find the words to explain. i need someone there, but no one is. i feel so alone, i feel like this will be forever. it’s so hard. i just need someone.. someone that truly cares. sorry, i kind of just opened up, but i just needed to get it out of my system.. thank you for being you, by the way. that’s as simple as i can state my feelings toward your personality, just thank you so much.
Oh don’t apologize sweetheart, you can open up and let out as much as you feel you need to. <3 I’m so sorry you feel that way! Really I am! :(
Do you have anyone you feel close to who might be able to help you? Someone who’d be willing to sit down with you, and just listen to you say everything you need to say until you feel better? If I knew you well enough, and in person, then I would volunteer to. But I’m not sure doing it online would really be quite as effective, and not to mention the stupid character limits now wouldn’t let you say as much as you want.
But as it is.. trying to find someone you trust enough to do that with should probably be the first thing you do. And also, another thing that might help could be to start writing a journal. Not a blog, or anything online.. a traditional, hand-written journal where you can spend a lot of time writing, getting out your feelings, and maybe even organizing your thoughts. It won’t be to a person who cares, like you say you want, but if someone you feel close enough to is difficult to come by, then this is a good start.
If you *really* feel like you just need to let it all out to somebody though, and honestly can’t find anyone who’ll listen in person, then go ahead and send however much you like to my email (email@example.com). I’ll listen, give advice, or do whatever you want me to. <3
But someone who you can talk to face to face would really be infinitely better. I wish I knew you better, hon, so I could help you see if someone cares enough to listen or not. But as it is, it might be something you have to deem for yourself. I hope you find someone soon sweetie, I don’t want this eating up at you any longer than it has to.
And no matter what you do, always remember: there are always people out there, even complete strangers, who’d be willing to help you. You are never alone. <3
(And thank YOU for the sweet words, as well. :) )
Anonymous asked (11/02/2011 2:32AM):
I sent you the first message about my abusive bf. I did break up with him, but here’s the problem…I basically act like his mom now. I get tons of crazy texts when he’s drunk which is quite often and 90% of the time I have to tell him not to drive and call his new girlfriend to go pick him up and stuff. He has alot of trust issues because of his family and doesnt really trust anyone but me. I would block him but thats so dangerous, he could die. but i cant move on like this. im stuck.
Hmmm, you ARE stuck. And that is an extremely dangerous position for you, and one that you shouldn’t have to be in. :(
The only thing I can really think of doing, because it seems quite clear that he’s not going to change, is build up whatever courage you need to tell someone about it, an adult who can do something, preferably. Your school’s counselor, maybe.. your own parents.. or, even, his own parents. I know that might feel like you’re betraying his trust, especially if you go to his family with it, but this is not something you should have to handle. You don’t need, or want, this kind of responsibility. It should be in the hands of someone qualified and better capable of it.
That’s not to say you’re not capable of handling it; of course not. It’s just the amount of responsibility you’re carrying for him, when you don’t even care for him anymore, is not something you need in your life. It’s bringing you down much more often than anything else can bring you up, and it needs to be gotten rid of as soon as you can.
So, it’s true, he might hate you, but ask yourself: does it matter to you how he feels about you? Is all you want to do, just make sure that he survives another day? Then I would tell his family. Ultimately, once he grows up, realizes he’s ruining his own life, and matures enough to reflect on what he’s doing now, he just might thank you for it.
But of course, it depends on the trust issues with his family too. If they’ll actually hurt him, physically, if they find out the kinds of things he’s been doing.. then telling them might not be the best idea. But that would be the only scenario where telling them wouldn’t ultimately be the wisest choice. Emotional discipline he can take, and desperately needs. But nobody deserves to be hit.
If all else fails, and you really can’t tell anybody else, then honestly, I would tell the police, especially if he’s under 21. He could get in trouble for so many things: abuse, harassment, DUI, irresponsibility.. it just seems dangerous to let him continue as he’s going. I wouldn’t want him out there, possibly hurting someone else, would you? Especially his new girlfriend. Think about it.. he might be hurting her just as he hurt you.
I hope you come to what you feel is the right decision, sweetheart. Ultimately, that choice is up to you. I just hope I might have brought a couple things into the light. <3
Anonymous asked (11/02/2011 2:38AM):
Hi again Jen, (I’m the girl who was molested) I just wanted to tell you that what you said gave me hope, that maybe someone out there does actually care. I’ll look into telling someone. I promise. :’)
Oohh, that is so great to hear. :D <3 Of course someone out there cares honey, you just have to find them. :) I really hope that telling someone helps you just as much as it helped me. <33
constantchristmas asked (11/02/2011 2:41AM):
So, I have something to make the anon that’s 17 feel better. My fiance is currently 26 years old. He had his first kiss at 18. His first real girlfriend at 21. His sister is 25 and never kissed anyone and as gone on 1 date. And they are the happiest people I know. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, because sometimes, the longer you wait, the more likely you are to find the right person.
Oh that is beautifully said. :) Thank you so much for sending this! This exactly proves what I was trying to say! <3
There is nothing at all stopping you from being the happiest you can be, and yet still be romantically inexperienced. And this is a wonderful example of that. :)
Your first special someone is out there waiting for you, anon, I promise you that. <3 There is no need to feel rushed about it in the slightest. :)
Anonymous asked (11/02/2011 2:53AM):
I feel that no one understands me. People are just trying to be like everybody else and it’s really bothering me. How they always think that what some people do is actually wrong, think it’s the coolest thing ever. like drinking,sex or smoking. I hate how people follow other people because of it. Im 15, go to an all girls school and I have to deal with stuff like that everyday. I hate thinking that people are dumb enough to think doing stuff like that is the only way to have fun, but it’s not.
Oh trust me sweetheart, I know pretty much exactly the type of feeling you’re talking about. I went through that exact same bout of anger when I was that age in high school. There I was, the quiet, introverted girl who spent all her free time reading books rather than texting or talking - I didn’t even have a phone until I got my license! - and everyone else around me was just like you described. The drinkers, the druggies, and the sex addicts. Now, okay, if you’re over 18, aren’t under your parents’ roof for the majority of your time anymore, and aren’t messing up anyone else’s life while you’re going about your fun, then I have no qualms with doing that kind of thing at all. But while you’re still in high school.. and not even 16 yet.. honestly, I never understood the appeal. I still don’t understand, to this day, how that kind of lifestyle seemed so attractive at such a young age. It just seems like your childhood and adolescence drained away under your own will, because they keep trying to be ‘adults.’ When really, all that was happening was a robbery of their own youth. You want to cherish being young as long as you can! Not throw it away!
With the majority in your school behaving like that, sweetie, I can see how it’s easy to feel like nobody understands you. But that’s not true at all. I definitely understand you. And I’m sure if you opened yourself up a little bit, and explored the people out there on Tumblr alone, you could find a good deal of others who’d understand you as well. They may not be in person, but they could definitely provide the kind of emotional support you seem like you need.
In the meantime hon, I know it might seem hard, but try not to let what everyone else is doing bother you. In time, you’ll grow up, graduate, and be able to leave all those people behind. Now, granted, in college, there are just more people like that, but it doesn’t seem quite so bad here as it does while still in high school, and there are so many more opportunities to avoid them. You can completely shut yourself off from that world, and you’ll never feel bothered by it again.
But while waiting for that to happen, going about your own ways of having fun, waiting for others who think the same to come along, and not giving a rat’s ass what other people may think or do about you is probably the best thing you could do for yourself. ;) You are mature beyond your years, sweetie, and for that, I personally am proud of you. :) <3
Anonymous asked (11/02/2011 2:57AM):
Jen, I just wanted to let you know that you are a beautiful person. I can’t explain how much I love what you’re doing- this blog, it’s so inspiring and helpful and I love it. I hope you never stop being you, and have a WONDERFUL time with you boyfriend. :)
Oh that is absolutely the sweetest thing, thank you! SO so much, thank you! :D Oh I don’t even know how to answer properly, I just want to reach through my screen and give you the biggest hug. ^^ Thank you so much for that! You just made my entire night! :D
I definitely will have an amazing time! Thank you yet again! <33
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 6:41PM):
have some amazing days love<3
Thank you so much sweetie, I most certainly did. :) <33
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 6:46PM):
I just wanted to tell you something (; In school we had to write down what we are thankful for and why we love life. I’m an optimist, so I wrote down many things, like sunshine, friends, smiles(btw, do you already have smiles as a reason? (: ). And the last thing I’m thankful was: This blog. My teacher was very surprised and wondered why I’m writing a blog adress. But it’s true, your blog makes me feel more alive and I wanted to tell everybody :D <3
Oh my god, that is absolutely wonderful and amazing. :D I’m so glad you told me that! That just gave me the biggest smile, thank you so much! That you thought of this blog as one of your things.. oh that makes me so happy. :) Thank you! Really! That is spectacular, and you are incredible, thank you so much! <3
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 6:52PM):
this blog gives me hope, all the effort you are putting in is worth it and it could be enough to save lives! im going through a tough time right now and i have considered suicide but this shows me all the things that are worth living for and why i shouldnt :) thank you - you saved me x
Now that.. that is incredibly powerful of you to say. I’ve been holding out the hope that eventually, what I’m doing here would be enough to change the minds of anyone suicidal, but.. I’m realizing more now that it might already be there. And that just makes me more happy than I have words for. Really, it does, thank you SO much for saying all that and letting me know what’s on your mind. That is just beautiful. :D <3
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 7:18PM):
My perfect boyfriend and I have been together for almost one wonderful year. We’ve done everything, he was my first kiss, my first love, first person I’ve ever held hands with, first person I’ve fallen asleep with, boy I lost my virginity to, and tons more. I think we could be together forever. He does too. We have baby names picked out if we were to ever have children. I love him so much. I’m only 14. I’m not another little kid who thinks they’re in love. Do you think we will last?
I think, that if you both took a few steps back, looked at your relationship, everything you’ve done, and how much time you two still have ahead of you, and realized that you’re really not in any kind of rush at all, then yes, you will last. :)
I’m not one of those people to chide young couples for ‘being too young’ or ‘moving too fast,’ because I know the best way to learn is through experience, and who knows, it just might be for forever. But I do think that you should slow down a little bit, and save some of the wonderful experiences of being in love for later, just so that you don’t go through them all now and not have any left for the future. <3 Plus then, you’ll be able to appreciate day-to-day experiences better, be more prepared and level-headed for when the inevitable road bumps and fights happen, and the powerful, meaningful events will be that much more so when they actually happen. :)
You don’t have to slow things down TOO much - you can still talk to him daily, still be sweet, still remind each other how much you’re in love - but don’t try to make each day super special. Don’t rush into things, take a calmer approach to the relationship, and realize that it’s okay to take things at a slow pace. Especially because, you’re only 14. You have the rest of your school careers ahead of you. You want to save some of the special things for when you’re able to move in together. :)
I hope that all made sense! But just know, as long as you take your time, and really make sure you build a solid foundation underneath the both of you before taking significant steps of any kind, then I really don’t see any reason why the two of you *wouldn’t* last. :)
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 7:27PM):
Every morning when I wake up for school, all I can think is ‘Oh no, if I go in today, somethings going to happen. -this or -that, is going to humiliate me, or embarrass me.’ & i try to find reasons not to go in. When I’m at school, I’m fine & I smile & laugh, my friends don’t know the pressure I feel everyday to live up to the high standards of -school. I do enjoy it, but I don’t know, I just get these moments when I feel really worried, or anxious. Thanks for reading,x
Oh sweetie, that’s no fun. :( I’m not sure if you just wanted to let that out, or if you wanted advice, but I will say, I know what you mean. <3 I used to feel those exact same things, back when I was bullied in school, and am feeling it now as well, when I feel like I have better things to do than go to class. It’s quite problematic, actually, cause it’s my brain giving myself reasons not to go, when really I should anyway. But, similar to you, once I’m there, I feel fine and not bothered by it. It’s just an odd feeling. How to get rid of it though, that is the real question. Have you thought about telling your friends? Are you actively made fun of, or is it just something you think you see? How about maybe telling your parents, if you’re close to them? I’m not entirely positive, but getting it out of your system to someone close to you, someone who’ll be able to help motivate you and see the truth of things, might be a good idea to try. :)
You are very welcome lovely, I hope I was able to help you somehow. <3
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 7:46PM):
Hey there, i have talked to you a few times non anon too and you’re a wonderful person. I just need someone to talk to :( what i am about to tell you, i have never told anyone. Seriously not a single person. I am gonna start from the beginning of all this mess, which made me this empty wreck of a person i am. I am the second kid in my family and i guess that explains why even as a kid i used to feel alone and dejected. I used to feel that my mom doesn’t love me and everything. I used to hide my insecurity by being rude and defiant and my mum didn’t ever try to find out what’s wrong and why am i behaving like that, instead she scolded me and became mad that i am being so rude and attention seeking. All this in my childhood made us grew apart and i was never emotionally close to her. when i was 11 there was someone in my family, a 3 year elder cousin who used to be very close to me. We were great childhood friends, i blew bubbles with him and played king and queen with and then
I don’t think any messages after your second one went through, hon. :(
Which really, really sucks, because I’m gathering the severity of what you’re telling me, and I can’t answer properly because Tumblr ate the rest of your messages. :/
I can try to address the issue with your mom, though. And what I want to emphasize the most, is that it isn’t your fault. Some people just aren’t very compassionate and understanding, and instead face things with anger rather than try to understand where the person is coming from, what’s making them do what they do, or anything at all like that. And it seems to me as if your mom is one of those people. Which I am very sorry for, really; it’s a shame that some people who aren’t really meant to be parents, become parents anyway. :(
Of course, you may have already figured that out, or don’t want any kind of pity. In which case, I’m very sorry if I crossed any kind of line of yours, but it’s all I have to work with at the moment. I wish I got the rest of your messages! I really do! I wish I was able to help you properly.
But as it is, if you typed out everything and sent it all, then I hope that in the act of typing it out and getting it out of your system, in one way or another, you helped yourself to feel better about what’s bothering you so much. <3
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 7:57PM):
Hey, so here’s the problem, there’s this guy that I like. ALL his friends told me to ask him out, because apparently he “likes” me or whatever. So, I told him the truth, and all he said back was “Yea” or something like that. But here’s the other thing, people still say he does, but I ask him and he doesn’t really give me a straight anwser. The other thing is I REALLY REALLY like one thoes guy’s friends <3, but last night I was with a bunch of friends and apprently he likes this girl, and he is might ask her out. I want to know what girl he likes, but I don’t want to be to obvious. All I want is to be held. ): ASDFGHK HELP ME -G
Hmmm that sounds like a bit of a mess to me! But, hm. Let’s see.
The first thing I think you should do to help yourself is step back from both situations, don’t overthink what either of them say or do, allow yourself to accept that you don’t have control over them, and just see how either of them play out. If the first guy really has a thing for you, he’ll come to you on his own, especially since you already told him what’s on your mind. If he won’t, then it probably wouldn’t have been a successful relationship anyhow, and it’s best not to force the matter. And if the SECOND guy likes you also, and you are indeed the girl he’s interested in, you’re likely to find out soon enough. :] If not, then he’ll ask someone else out, and you’ll know for sure that way.
I know it might seem extremely hard to detach yourself from both cases like that, but honestly, it’ll be so much better for you in the long run. You won’t feel obsessed, you’ll be able to continue your normal life while waiting it out, you’ll avoid any pain of them not acting the way you want them to, you’ll especially avoid any potentially bad relationships, and not to mention, your attention might then be attracted by someone else, who would actually act on his feelings, and not loaf around from not being sure about how he feels. It’s a win-win scenario, all around. :]
I unfortunately can’t really tell you exactly *how* to get to that point, but if you can manage to, trust me, your life and the issues in it will suddenly seem much better. :)
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 8:12PM):
What do i do when i’m the boyfriend nabbing bitch in a 3 way relationship and have been for 6 months and now love him way to much to let him go…
Oh sweetie.. that’s quite a mess you’ve gotten yourself into, isn’t it. :(
First off, you’re not a bitch. <3 Secondly, I know it’s going to sound near impossible, and maybe even a bit mean, but as you are the third wheel in that relationship, you should probably force yourself to let him go.
Now, granted, it’s probably not entirely your fault; if he did anything with you willingly, then he’s just as much at fault as you. It would be fair, and right, of him to tell his girlfriend everything he’s been up to. But he shouldn’t mention your name, if he were to do that, because people can sometimes get a little crazy when they find out that kind of thing, and you don’t deserve any kind of physical harm.
But keeping that in mind, his girlfriend doesn’t deserve to be cheated on, either, and if you really wanted to make the situation right, as painful as it may be, you would force yourself to stop seeing him, stop talking to him, and break off any contact you have with him whatsoever.
Staying single for a while might help with any residual guilt you might feel, as well. That way you won’t feel as if you’re just ‘waiting’ for any future boyfriends to do the same to you, because you ‘deserve’ it or some such nonsense. Also, it’ll help with the healing process, prevent any kind of rebound relationship, and really help you have some time with yourself, in order to touch base with any parts of yourself you may be neglecting during what you’re doing.
Trust me dearie, I know exactly how hard that feels like it’s going to be. But if you don’t want hell to break lose, if you don’t want to hurt her, if you don’t feel like they deserve to have any kind of mess happening, then the best thing for you to do would be to remove yourself from the equation, and try to start your own healing process so you can enter into your own relationship, with your own boyfriend, and don’t have to worry about ‘her finding out,’ ‘being the other woman,’ or anything at all related, and just finally, be at peace. :)
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 8:58PM):
i really like this guy. alot. however, he isn’t really the “boyfriend type”. The two of us text very rarely, he doesn’t hug any girls at all, and he is mainly a sports guy. i just found out that as of tomorrow we have a class together. what can i do to get him to realize that i like him as more than a good friend? i flirt with guys sometimes, but i don’t know if i’m flirting right, how should i flirt with him? but, i don’t want to just tell him i like him. It would make our friendship so awkward
As sorry as I am to say sweetie, I’m not really the one to go to for flirting advice. :( My flirting style has always been just to be myself, to show you’re interested in everything he says (enough to respond intelligently), and to use plays on words when they’re appropriate (I can’t think of any examples right now though). Flirting is a different thing for every person you ask, so in that specific situation, I think someone else would be a better person to ask.
But as for the overall situation, I’m not too sure how good of an idea pursuing a relationship with this guy is. If he, overall, doesn’t show much interest in relationships, or girls in general, then it’s probably not something he wants in his life right now. And, by extension, even though you really like him, you probably shouldn’t try to force him into it.
And when I say that, all I mean is being persistent - if you figure out a way to subtly flirt with him, and he reacts the same way as he has been, then you’ll know it’s not working out, and a relationship wouldn’t be the best of ideas, no matter how much you like him. Which really sucks, believe me, I know, but it’ll save you that much more pain in the long run, and eventually open your heart towards more receptive guys. :]
And of course, he might actually be responsive to your efforts as well. And if that’s the case, well then, you might be able to give it a shot after all. :) But, just judging from what you’ve said, I don’t think he will be, and I don’t think he’s the right guy for you. But in time sweetie, one way or another, I have full confidence that you’ll find someone who is. :)
serendipitysunshine asked (11/07/2011 9:19PM):
I just wanted to thank you for posting this blog. Sometimes I find it hard to look on the bright side of things, and this blog reminds me that there is still good in the world. I feel so alone and worthless sometimes I just want to die, but looking at all the little things that make life great like music and autumn leaves helps me a lot. Thank you! Love, Jess.
Oh that is wonderful, I’m so glad I could help you think so. :) That is exactly the point and purpose of this whole blog, so really, it makes me so incredibly happy to know that it’s actually working. :D Thank you so much for telling me! I hope you always remember to admire the little things! <3
uskids-know asked (11/07/2011 9:34PM):
your blog <3 it gives me such a warm feeling inside going through all of these and finding the ones that give me reason :)
Oh that is lovely, I’m so glad you feel that hon. :) Thank you so much for telling me! I’m more than happy to be able to provide a blog that does that for you. :)) <3
jregalslovesyou asked (11/07/2011 9:37PM):
Where did you get your theme? :)
From the Tumblr theme garden actually! :) I did customize it a tiny bit - I just added a different background - but the original theme is right here. There’s a link to it right below the main column on the left as well. :)
ilikeitloudbitch asked (11/07/2011 9:50PM):
i just simply looooooove your blog <3 you dont know how much it helps, im having bad times these days and weeks but whenever i go see your blog, everythings better <3 thank you
Oh you are very welcome, dearie. :D <3 I’m so, so glad that it’s as helpful as you say it is! You have no idea how happy that makes me, and what it does for my motivation to keep up everything to the best of my ability. :) Thank you so much for telling me! <3
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 9:56PM):
why cant i relate to any of this ? sure, there’s way lots more that i like and are casual. but i just cannot seem to put myself in all of that ? why ? that’s all i ask. why cant i imagine myself in that..
That’s probably because you don’t feel you have any kind of connection with the posts, dearie. That’s nothing to be ashamed of at all. <3 Different posts mean different things to different people, and if you can’t connect to what’s posted, then that just means that you have your own things that simply haven’t been posted yet. :] (Which I am proud to see that you realize on your own. That helps immensely. :) ) But I’ll say it again.. not being able to connect with anything that’s up yet is no fault of yours, and nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s just a result of how you are, how you were raised, and how life has treated you. Don’t force yourself to connect with anything. Stay honest with yourself, accept that some of them aren’t for you, and wait patiently for the ones that are. :) <3
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 10:03PM):
How to get over jealousy?
That, honey, in all likelihood, is not something I can give general advice for. :( Jealousy is different in reasons, kinds, severity, and all sorts of things, for every individual person, and a good understanding of the person suffering from it would be needed before I - or anyone else - can attempt to help recover from it.
Now, if you wanted to, you could try giving me a shot and telling me what’s wrong exactly. Or, you could go to someone close to you, who you trust, and who has a good mind for figuring people out, and see what they have to say, as they are more likely to have a better outlook on the situation than me. But if you felt up to explaining what’s wrong to me, I’d give it my best go. :)
In the meantime love, take some deep breaths, step back from the situation, and spend a couple days really immersing yourself in something you love to do. That should help you feel better, at least for the time being, until you decide what it is you want to do.
If you want me to help, then go for it and tell me as much of the story as you want me to know. :)
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 10:05PM):
You give the best advice ever(:
:D That is so sweet, thank you so much! I’m so glad to be able to help in any way I can! ^^ <3
f0r-real asked (11/07/2011 10:07PM):
you’re blog is phenomenal.
:D Aahh, thank you so much! Never stop being lovely! <3
catchafirefly asked (11/07/2011 10:29PM):
could you please post the link to your theme?
Sure thing! :) I did in the ask about this before, but it’s the Sleekmark theme. The background is different, but that’s all I customized. Everything else is there in the theme. :)
Anonymous asked (11/07/2011 10:42PM):
I love your blog.! Nice one.! ;)
Thank you so much hon! I’m so glad you do! :D <3
catchafirefly asked (11/07/2011 10:43PM):
I’m so sorry I missed it all together! Thank you for being patient with me :)
Oh that’s not a problem at all. :) You’re very welcome, and thank you for being so kind! :)
Anonymous asked (11/08/2011 7:14PM):
hi. okay, so here’s the problem. my best friend’s parents are going to divorce because his father cheated no his mother. she is crying very often and tells her SON, that she has nothing worth living for and that she hates his father. in summer, he told me about it. just me. he also told me that he had thoughts about killing himself, too. another thing is, that I know that he’s been in love with me for 3 years now. he told me that. also, he doesn’t really have friends in his school, so I’m really the only one he can talk to. But he’s in another school than I am, and he doesn’t live very near to me. I’ve talked about him seeing a therapist, but he doesn’t want his parents to know. then we went on the internet and googled “signs for depressions”. most of it was accurate. but the worst thing about it is, that it’s depressing me, too. I’ve always been posiive about life. but since that happened, I think about it another way. I have nobody to talk to. now i don’t know what to say to him. we’re both scouts, and in summer we were at the world scout jamboree together. every evening we sat together and just talked about it. the others made up rumours about us being together… and then, one day, he gave me his new knife, because he was afraid he would cut himself if he kept it.. but really, i have no idea how i can get him happy again.. well, thanks for reading…. ♥
Well that is an extremely troubling situation, isn’t it. :(
Well, first off, let me say that that is completely wrong of his mother to do to him. I mean, okay, I understand that she may feel like she doesn’t have anyone to go to herself, and that she feels hurt beyond measure and can’t trust anybody else, but her own son.. purely because of what it’d do to him, and because he’s not emotionally mature enough for that kind of burden, that’s not right for her to do. It’s really terrible that he has to go through that. :(
It’s also terrible that you have to go through all this as well, sweetie, I’m so sorry that you do. <3 But really, as he’s your best friend, you both care for each other, and your friendship is likely the only thing keeping him here, staying there for him is the best thing you can do right now, even if it’s depressing you in the process. But I do recommend, in order to try to restore the happiness in your friendship, help you feel better, and maybe even help him a little, that you sit down and really talk with him about this. You may have already, but not about what’s going on, not about how it makes him feel, or the events around you two.. I mean about how it’s affecting your friendship. I think you need to make him aware that you’re happy to be there for him, you’re glad to take care of him and you’re proud to be his best friend, but that it’s taking its toll on you as well, that you’re starting to not know what to say with him, and that there really should be some form of happiness in order for it to continue to work. You’ll also need to emphasize that you don’t mean that you want to stop talking to him, only that you want to try to make the situation better. And the form of happiness doesn’t even need to be laughter and smiles - it can be something that you enjoy doing together, or sharing with each other, or just being happy in each others’ presence. It doesn’t have to be something fake. It can be subtle, and still work just fine.
I just think he needs to realize that you’re not invulnerable to the effects of this whole thing, and that both for your sake and for his, he needs to try to help himself feel a little better. Not fully, of course not, that’s unrealistic to expect. But enough so that you two can still enjoy being with each other, and still be real.
I also hope that his being in love with you hasn’t made matters awkward at all. :( That, especially if you don’t return the feelings, is something he is going to have to figure out for himself. If he’s beating himself up over that as well.. then that is something else entirely.
I hope that all made sense to you, sweetie, and that it’s able to help you at least in some small way. Nobody deserves to go through that kind of thing, and I can only hope that the both of you manage to pull through together. <3
Anonymous asked (11/08/2011 8:56PM):
i’m upset. I’ve been singly my whole life and i’m sure I always will be. It seems like everybody hates me, and I have no reason to live. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I can’t help it. I can’t be happy. I get bullied, I get made fun of, I get beat up, I get yelled at. I don’t even think my family loves me. I also have low confidence and horrible grades. and i’m really fat. I’m a disappointment, people tell me to kill myself, ALL of the time. I’m starting to want to. If only I was strong enough.
Sweetheart, the very first thing I want to tell you, is that you are NOT worthless, you are NOT pathetic, you are NOT weak, at all, in any way. No. You are not. And I am going to take the time to talk about every point you just made in order to prove it.
You say you’ve been single your whole life, and believe you always will be. I addressed something similar to this in an ask before yours: what does it matter if you’ve been nothing but single? Whose business is it but yours, whether you’re in a relationship or not? That kind of companionship is not necessary or required, by any means, for a happy lifestyle. You don’t know that you always will be. If you choose to be, then good for you. If not, the right person will come along someday. That is guaranteed. The person who will help you grow, discover yourself, and help you learn how to truly love *will* come along. But if you find that for some reason they don’t, you can fill that void yourself. Because, truly, having yourself as company, when you’re at peace, isn’t all that bad at all.
You say everyone hates you. I am absolutely positive that’s not true. A few bad apples in the bunch may do their best to make your life miserable, but that is not the entire population of the world, your city, your school, or your community. That is your own perception, sweetheart. Truthfully, if you try to step back from the situation and view things without a self-hating lens, you will notice that, by far, the grand majority of people are too absorbed in their own lives and thoughts to even spare you a second glance. And that is not an insult - that just means that they see you as a normal person.
You have every reason to live. What about your future? Your hopes? Your dreams? Your passions? Yourself? I’m sure there are things out there that you love doing, have always wanted to do, and hope to accomplish someday. What’s really stopping you from doing them? Hm? <3
You get mistreated all the time. That is not your fault in the slightest, love. Not at all. It is not your fault. It is the fault of the people doing it to you, because you are not the person they want to shape you to be, and they are angry about it. They’re trying to tell you, that what you are is wrong. They want to change you. And that is wrong in every way. It is not your fault. It is theirs, for being unable to accept and understand you the way you are.
You don’t think your family loves you. Are you sure about that? Have you talked with them? Have they told you so? If not.. rethink that conclusion. It is entirely possible that they don’t know how to convey emotion very well, or that you’re viewing everything in a very negatively tinted light. Maybe both. But, if you have the chance to, and if you feel close enough with them to do it - and even if you don’t! you could take a chance - I think you should talk with them, and flat out ask them if they love you. Tell them everything that’s on your mind, what you feel, how you think, how stuck you are. I think you may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.
You have low confidence, bad grades, and are fat. Let me tell you something, sweetheart. The word ‘fat,’ really, is nothing more than an adjective. It’s no more than a descriptive word, just as ‘skinny,’ ‘short,’ or ‘pale’ are. It is disgusting that it has such a negative connotation, and that larger people are made to feel so ashamed of how they are. That, honestly, is a whole other can of worms I could get into. But, really, so what if you’re fat? It’s just how you are. It’s not a bad thing, at all, in the slightest. And it’s nobody’s business but yours. As for the low confidence and bad grades, I could tell of your confidence level right from the start. And I’m so sorry that you have to go through all this right now, really I am. I have been since I started typing this. :( But that does directly co-relate with bad grades. Not feeling like you’re good enough, not feeling worth it, extends to a complete lack of motivation that usually makes schoolwork suffer. It has nothing to do with how intelligent you are. Even if you were getting good grades, it wouldn’t be a good measure of your intelligence as a person. You are not stupid. You are not. It’s just how the school system is set up, and if you’re unmotivated, for any reason, then the system pretty much dooms you to do badly.
Who said you were a disappointment? Why? Who has the right to tell someone else that? So what if you ‘failed’ to meet someone else’s expectations? So what if you’re not ‘moving fast enough’? Really? Honestly? You’re your own person. You can move at whatever pace you want. Screw what other people try to make you do. It’s your own self, your own life, and if you’re not moving as fast as others around you are, so what? Take as long as you need to do what you want.
People tell you to kill yourself. That, that right there, is downright disgusting. Nobody, nobody ever, has any right whatsoever to tell someone else to die. That is wrong, on so many levels, that I can’t properly get into it. It’s your life, not theirs, and just because you don’t happen to meet their own standards, their expectations, or what they want of you to do or be, then they think you shouldn’t exist. And nothing, not a thing out there, is a more selfish thought than that. That is completely disgusting, and if anyone should be ashamed of themselves, it is the people who say that. Not you. You have nothing to be embarrassed of or apologetic for, not for being yourself.
What you need, honey, is something to reignite the spark of life within yourself. It can be a person, it can be a hobby, it can be anything at all. But the most reliable thing, and least likely to cause more pain in the future, is a hobby, a passion. Try to spend some time - as much as you can - really losing yourself in something you know you love to do. Any hobby of yours at all. Hell, maybe even find something new to get yourself into. Something that you’ll look forward to doing again as soon as you stop, something you don’t need to force yourself to get into in the slightest. Not something you ‘should’ do, but something you actually want to do. Be productive, in doing what you’re doing. Do something you’re proud of. Really become great at doing it. Show if off, if you’re able. It just might help spark that kindle of worth inside yourself. It might be very small, and hardly noticeable, but it just might be enough to help you start thinking that you’re worth something, that you’re able to accomplish things, that people, in fact, don’t hate you, that it’s possible to be happy. It might remind you what it’s like to smile genuinely. It might be the start of your path towards true happiness, and genuine self-acceptance.
Because nobody can help you through this, sweetheart, as much as you can help yourself. Right now, you are your worst enemy. And you are the hardest thing you’ll ever have to beat.
But beat it, you will. I have full confidence in you. You are strong, you are worth everything in the world, and you are beautiful. Believe it, sweetie. You. Are. Gorgeous. And nobody, absolutely nobody, can take that knowledge away from you. Your mind is yours. You just need to help yourself regain control of it.
I know you can do it. You can and you will. :) <3
Anonymous asked (11/08/2011 9:03PM):
do you get a lot of messages?
Not all that many right now, no. For listening, advice, help, that kind of thing, at the moment, I get maybe three or four a day or so. But before I moved them over to a separate blog, I got a LOT more, all at once, and it was really a bit overwhelming, trying to answer them all quickly and with proper attention. But I think it’s all under control now, for the most part. :)
As for submissions, I get them WAY faster than I can make them, haha. I have almost 500 waiting to be made at the moment, which is completely ridiculous, and I’m crazy backed up on the list in making them. I really don’t like the idea of closing submissions though, so aside from making a note for submitters to be aware, and hoping that a super long waiting time isn’t an issue, I’m not too sure how to tackle that. ^^; But I’ll figure it out! It’s a moderation thing that’s my responsibility to tackle appropriately. :)
Anonymous asked (11/08/2011 9:49PM):
i was in love with two people and i picked wrong. the one i should have picked has moved on and i’ve basically pledged myself to a life with the wrong one. i’m at a university where i feel i don’t belong. my dad isn’t proud of me cause it isn’t a big enough name. i feel like i have nothing to give to anyone ever in this entire world and even if i did i’d have no way to give it. i want to die but i can’t because i’m not selfish enough to ruin my families’ lives. i can’t keep living like this.
First off dearie, I’m proud of you for realizing that that is no way to continue living, and for wanting to get better. <3
Secondly, if you look at your situation like that, then of course it’s going to seem sad and hopeless. :( If you feel that you picked the wrong person to be with, teach yourself to love the one you’re with as much as you can. Don’t let the regret nag at you, or else you’ll never truly be happy. If you feel you don’t belong at your college, then learn to appreciate your own company, and detach yourself from the people around you (I had to do that exact thing, by the way). If your dad isn’t proud of you, then he should be ashamed of himself for not fully understanding and appreciating his child. If you feel you have nothing to give to the world, stop living for the world, and start living for yourself. And eventually, in living for yourself, you will begin to live for the world, and give to it *by* living for yourself.
I know that pretty much all of what I just said is infinitely easier said than done, but truly, if you can somehow get started on the path to change your perspective, your attitude, your way of seeing things.. you will find yourself so much happier, so much more willing to trudge on through your life and see where it takes you, so much more motivated to live simply and just do whatever you need to do that makes you happy.
I’m sorry I can’t help guide you there fully, hon. But I hope that this is enough to at least touch on getting you started. <3
Anonymous asked (11/08/2011 5:51PM):
Y u no create things I send In?
I create things in the order I get them! And I currently have about 450 in my inbox waiting to be made. I’m working on messages from about three weeks ago right now. :( Sorry! I’ll get to them as soon as I can!
longhairbrunette asked (11/09/2011 11:20PM):
so i hope this is the right place to put this cause there are different links! but i wanna say how i literally found your page 10 minutes ago and i scrolled through so many and just hit reblog reblog reblog. i think that the idea of this blog is amazing and i give you so much credit for creating this. not only is your blog amazing but the way you care for people you havent even met is inspiring, thank you so much for creating this amazing blog<3 xo
This is the right place! Haha, there are a lot, but it’s easy enough to figure out I hope. :) But really, thank you! Thank you thank you so much! That is all so incredibly sweet of you, really it is, I’m so glad you love it so much! :D <3 I always try my hardest to help people out and make everyone happy, or at least help them to smile, in some way or another, so really, it’s absolutely amazing of you to say all that. It really makes me feel super appreciated. :DD <3
top-of-the-summit asked (11/09/2011 11:31PM):
How’d the visit with the boyfriend go?? Good times?
It was absolutely wonderful and amazing! Oh my word, I loved every single second of it.
I’d tell of it all here, but I don’t want to potentially bother anybody in any way, so I’ll just leave it mostly at that. :) It was completely lovely! I don’t remember him being quite so affectionate before. ^^
And hopefully, the next time he visits should only be as far away as March, so I shouldn’t have to wait another 6 months again! :D
frumentarius asked (11/10/2011 11:50AM):
this blog is so beautiful ;-; <3
:D Thank you so so much dearie! <3
aintsohardtotake asked (11/10/2011 6:07PM):
i love your blog. if it’s alright with you, i’m going to print a page with a bunch of these pictures and hang it up by my bed for a little bit of inspiration when i wake up. :)
Of course that’s alright with me! Oh that is spectacular. :D That’s such a lovely thing to do, thank you so much for telling me! I hope it looks fantastic, and never fails to inspire you day by day. :D <3
annlerman asked (11/10/2011 10:53PM):
lovely blog <3
Thank you! :) <3
weneednowords asked (11/10/2011 10:55PM):
I think I reblogged half of your blog, sorry.
Hahaha, no need to apologize at all! That actually makes me extremely happy. ^^ <3
i-n-f-i-n-i-t-ee-l-o-v-ee asked (11/10/2011 10:56PM):
I could literally reblog like EVERYONE of these posts<3 Love your blog! xx
Thank you so much dearie! <3 You are more than welcome to if you wanted to, really. I’d love it if you did! ^^
beautifulxmesses asked (11/11/2011 4:49PM):
regarding asking the owner’s for permission to use their photos: I had thought about this when i started looking through the blog…wondered if they were all your photos or what. Anyway, I really respect the fact that you recognized this and are making an effort to give credit where due. So many people don’t think it’s an issue. Although it will take a decent amount of time to backlog through all your pictures, I just wanted to say thank you :)
Oh that is wonderful, thank you so much for recognizing that. :) That just made me feel so much better. Especially since the limit on Flickr has kept me from sending messages for a good three hours, and it’s really starting to irk me. :( But hopefully it’ll be lifted soon, so I can keep at it and set things right. And this message just made me so very much happier about the whole situation. :D So, really, thank you! <3
And, also, you’re welcome. :) <3
lovefromgabs asked (11/12/2011 12:05AM):
use weheartit(.)com or deviantart.()com
I would, but on deviantart, the selection isn’t quite as good (since I’m looking only for photographs), plus you still have to credit just as equally, and on weheartit the selection definitely isn’t as good, not to mention that crediting on that website is just completely a lost cause. I do see your point, but honestly, DA users want their work credited too, and I’m honestly very picky about the quality of the pictures I use, so Flickr’s going to be where I stay.
Thank you for the suggestion though!
Anonymous asked (11/12/2011 8:47AM):
Hey (: You could also use pictures from the weheartit - Website and just write under your post: Source: I’m sure you can find many beautiful pictures there an it is allowed to use them.
I’m sure I could, kind anon, and trust me, if for any reason Flickr fails me (no good pictures, too many copyrights, anything like that), then weheartit and DA would be my fallbacks. :) And google images too, truthfully. But, I don’t know, it’s the quality of the pictures from Flickr that keep me going back, despite all the rules for everything. I think it’s worth it. :]
Thank you for being so nice though anon! I really do appreciate your concern. :)
Anonymous asked (11/17/2011 2:37AM):
There’s this girl who’s younger than me, that makes fun of my friend. I want to help my friend, but I don’t know how to. I can’t defend her because the girl terrifies me (even though she’s 2 years younger than me.) what do I do? she makes fun of me too /:
First off, I’m sorry for taking so long to respond! I’ve been going through some issues of my own, and probably wasn’t in the best of states to be giving advice. But not to worry, I’m fine enough to try to help now. <3
That is actually a tough thing to try to give advice for, because that exact same thing more or less happened to me when I was younger. I was bullied pretty bad too. :( But the best thing I can suggest dearie, is not trying to force yourself to confront her, because that most likely won’t be good for you, and she could probably do some serious damage if you deliberately try to get on her bad side. What I *would* do, would be to tell someone who can do something about it. Your parents, your friend’s parents, a teacher, the school counselor, the principal (assuming she’s in your school).. anyone at all who you trust, and who’s in a position to get her to stop. At the very least, they’ll talk to her, or try to separate her from you two in your daily doings, and if the bullying is bad enough they could suspend her. But definitely don’t keep it to yourself dearie; if it’s making you feel that bad, it’s definitely worth telling someone to try to get a handle on the situation.
I certainly hope she’s not getting to you either, dearie. <3 Or at least not in any kind of scarring way. Bullies can be very nasty. :[
I wish you the best of luck, hon. <3 Nobody deserves to be treated like that, and if you could help there be one less mean kid around, then all the more power to you. :)
Anonymous asked (11/25/2011 9:49PM):
Do you take submissions? And if so, where do I leave them?
I do, but they’re closed right now! Otherwise, the submit option would be available, which is where you’d put them. When they’re open, you can leave as many as you want. :)
Anonymous asked (11/25/2011 9:56PM):
Will submissions open again any time soon?
If enough people ask me to open them again, I will! But right now, they’re closed so I can get a hold on the near 500 I currently have in the inbox. :C They’re going slow this week because I’m home for Thanksgiving break (I go back on Sunday night), but after I’m back I hope to get through them much faster. :]
Anonymous asked (12/02/2011 12:57AM):
Dude, my life has sucked… I’m losing friends, I’m arguing with my parents all the time now, I’m constantly getting drunk and doing things I regret, but can’t stop. To top it all off, the person I’ve cared more for, loved most of all (Not in love), and done everything for, just doesn’t care or love me back. She said we would always be friends, no matter what, and now we aren’t. She won’t tell me why. I just don’t know what to do… Please help.
Oh that’s terrible, dear, I’m so sorry you’re going through all that right now. :( It will get better though, sometime soon, that I can promise you.
How to get there, I think, will involve finding something that will reinvigorate you, something that will remotivate you and give you meaning to just ‘be’ again.
Think about what you’re passionate about, the things you like doing. There has to be something you’d consider a hobby, that you’d feel proud of if you accomplish a lot in it. Blogging? Reading? Writing, drawing, gaming, sports, sewing, learning.. anything at all. What I suggest, is to distance yourself some from the people in your life who you’re having disturbances with - just for the time being - and allow yourself to become immersed in whatever you like to do. Not at the expense of grades or any other responsibilities you have, of course, but giving yourself goals to accomplish, projects to work on, little things to work towards.. those are the kinds of things that will help you feel enlightened about life again.
And after you’re well on your way on that path with what you love, you’ll find that improved relationships will come along with it. Your friends - your real friends - will come back, you and your parents will argue less and talk things out more, you’ll be more rational and mature in your decision making.. it all comes hand in hand with feeling inspired and energized with life.
I will comment, though, that if you were losing friends, then maybe that’s for the best, because if they’re leaving when you need them the most, then maybe they’re not real friends then, are they?
And the same goes for that girl you care for. It’s very possible that she doesn’t realize what’s happened, and maybe the two of you just need to talk things out to bring yourselves back to normal. Or, she could be like those friends of yours you’re losing, and giving up on you when you need the most support. In which case, well, it may sound heartless, but figuring out a way to get over her and remove her from your life would probably be the best thing for you to do. :[ Which one of those you choose to do, though, is entirely up to you.
I wouldn’t worry about all the little details right now, though. Just focus on finding something you love to do, really getting into it, and let it take you far, and you’ll find yourself growing happier, friendlier, more respectful and more mature along the natural process of inspiration. :)
And if you find yourself not becoming happier as you do things, well, then you’re not getting into the right thing, are you? ;) <3
Anonymous asked (12/04/2011 6:25PM):
He’s not even my boyfriend, but we’ve liked each other for over 3 years. His friends hate me and mess with him mind when they talk about me, telling him things that aren’t true. And I tell him that, but he doesn’t seem to listen and won’t trust any of my other guy friends. I don’t want to give up but this situation is hurting both of us. Should I?
Hmmm.. unless, dearie, you manage to sit him down and talk with him, and get him to actually listen to you (it doesn’t seem like that’s an easy task), about what his friends are doing, about him talking to them and getting them to stop, about trusting your own friends.. unless you manage to do that, and do it successfully, then you probably should do your best to move on. :(
I know that’ll hurt you - quite a bit, probably, if this has lasted more than three years - but if it’s lasted this long and neither of you have made a move to make it official, or if his friends dislike you that much and keep trying to make him feel the same, or if he won’t trust your friends.. then even if it was official, it probably just wouldn’t work out. The acceptance and trust just wouldn’t be there, not mutually, and that absolutely has to be in order for a relationship - of any kind! not just a romantic one - to be successful.
I really am sorry hon, but I’m just not sure he’s mature enough to handle his end of the situation, especially without being told what to do. :( If you’re not sure how to go about telling him how you feel, or that you don’t want to see him anymore, or whatever it is you decide you want to tell him, you can always message me again and I’ll try to help you through it. :]
Anonymous asked (12/07/2011 12:07AM):
this site popped up on my dashboard and i thought about having a look. i then clicked behind the blog and read everything you put. it made me smile. thankyou. i had a really bad day and it did make me smile. sometimes i do think why am i alive? especially when i am having a bad day. i do have a past of self loathing and self harm and other things. but this blog has made me think. thankyou so much. keep it up! you are amazing :) <3
That is the sweetest thing, thank you! <3 I’m so glad it helped you to feel that way, that was exactly my intent. :) Sometimes, it even helps me to feel better when I have my down days. :]
Thank you so much for telling me! It really warmed my heart and helped to make my night better. :) <3
Anonymous asked (12/07/2011 2:05AM):
Well, I like one boy from my school, but he is too shy.. I mean, I like him very much but I don’t think that something’s gonna happen, because we don’t talk at school. we just smile at each other. Should I make the first step?
If you’re sure of how much you like him, and you think there may be a possibility that he might feel the same (or get there at one point), then there really is no reason not to. :)
Don’t be too up front to start with, though. If all you do so far is smile at each other, just start off with some kind of small talk, compliments and comments and the sort, to see what kinds of things you two have in common. Conversation should flow naturally from there, depending on what interests you share, and it definitely wouldn’t hurt to throw in a few subtle flirts every now and then, just so that he has a hunch that it’s more than friendship you’re interested in, so that when the time comes to confess feelings, he won’t say no to ‘not ruin the friendship.’
All in all, if you both like each other and are good for each other, things should flow perfectly naturally after the initial conversations. But if he’s too shy, then you’re definitely the one who should initiate them, and as far as I can see, there is no reason for you not to. :) Best of luck dear, I hope that could be the start of something fantastic. :] <3
Anonymous asked (12/10/2011 12:04AM):
I’ve been dating this guy for almost four months now. He’s a good guy; supportive, caring, funny, smart. He has a temper though, it comes on quickly and he becomes stern with me and shuts down. He always cools off somewhat quickly. But the other day my mom overheard a conversation of ours at which point his temper was apparent. She now thinks he’s abusive. I’ve talked to him about his tone with me since that night, and hes been better. My mom still thinks he’s abusive though, what should I do?
Oh this one hits close to home. This is, more or less, exactly (to a tee!) what happened with me and my own boyfriend.
I have to say that yes, my entire family sat down with me and talked with me about how they thought he was abusive and unhealthy for me. I also have to say that, after a lot of time and a lot of different events, things have changed infinitely for the better and they’re all willing to give him a second chance, as soon as one presents itself.
Your situation actually sounds a lot easier than mine. It took about a year for my sweetie’s temper to cool off, and almost as much time to convince my family that he’d gotten better. :[ So what I would suggest dearie, if he really has gotten better about it and he doesn’t need any more talking to, is to sit down with your mom and talk to her. Explain to her that it’s how he is, he never meant it personally, that you’ve talked to him about it, and that he’s making a conscious effort to not do it anymore; or at least with you, to start off with. Definitely emphasize that you’ve talked with him and that he’s listened. It might take a little while for her to believe it, since parents tend to be like that when they suspect things of that nature (understandably so), but she should respect you for both making clear to her *and* to him of your stance on the issue, and therefore trust your word, and then she will need to experience it on her own afterwards. Meaning, yes, she will have to witness the absence of his temper from now on (and hopefully, it will be that easy). Even if it’s not, and there are slipups every now and then, it won’t be the end of the world; if she loves you, and trusts you, and treats you like your own person, she will let you do as you will and learn from your own actions. You may want to mention that to her, if you feel she becomes too smothering about the matter.
I am very glad that your situation seems like it’ll be resolved faster than mine was, love. Not that I’m undermining it at all! It’s just a relief to know that you don’t have to go through the same amount of bullshit and heartache that I did. No one deserves that. <3 I can only hope that you’ll be successful with your mom, and continue to carry on a happy relationship with your boyfriend. :)
Anonymous asked (12/10/2011 2:04PM):
what kind of advice do you give?
Pretty much any kind at all when related to emotional issues, but I’m not quite as experienced and don’t feel as comfortable with advice involving substance abuse, or things that are actually life threatening (not including suicide - I have helped people change their minds before). But I still try my hardest though, so as long as anyone who wants to come to me is aware that I am not a professional, so therefore may not know what the best advice is to give, then I will happily do the best I can. :) For the most part, I have a knack for understanding people, so I like to think that even though I’ve had no training, I still give some good advice for people to at least *start* with. :]
You can look through the messages archive if you want to see exactly what kinds of questions I’ve answered in the past!
Anonymous asked (12/10/2011 10:12PM):
I’m sorry, but I don’t think your blog shows the true reasons to love being alive. Hell, it makes me personally feel like shit because I haven’t and probably won’t ever get to experience most of the things you post.
Oh anon. :(
I really am sorry that you feel that way hon, that is not my intent here at all. :( But, you know what? Not everything that’s posted is meant to apply to everybody. In fact, a good majority here doesn’t even apply to me, and I run this entire thing! But, there are a couple things you need to keep in mind: if your reasons aren’t the same as someone else’s reasons, regardless of how popular they may be, that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It’s okay to not like or not have what some other people do. There is nothing wrong with that at all. So what if you don’t get good night texts? So what if you’re not in any kind of relationship? So what if your family isn’t all that kind to you? You can still have your own reasons, your own passions, your own little quirks and hobbies and interests that you love, the things that help you to feel happy, to smile, just by thinking about them. You can still be your own person, and you can still succeed at being happy. <3 And honestly, there are only about 250 posted right now; there are SO so many more out there - as you can see by there being over 400 in the queue! - that I could probably keep this blog running for years. Just because a reason that might apply to you isn’t up yet, doesn’t mean that you don’t have any! Everyone has something that warms their heart. What warms yours? Reading? Crafting? Games? Art? Chatting? Sleeping? Sports? Eating? The colors of the trees and the sky? Seeing people respect each other? Hugging a dog?
I do very much apologize for unintentionally making you feel that way. :( I even more apologize for not working as fast as I’d like, and therefore not having as big of a variety to browse through as I’d like yet either. But you just need to look inside yourself a little bit more, dearie, realize that it’s okay if you don’t have some of these things, that hey, someday you just might, and even if things remain as they are, you have your own reasons, whatever they are, that should give you strength, motivate you, and spark that feeling of warmth and contentedness in your heart.
And if you do realize what those reasons may be, I will make an exception to my submissions being closed, and take whatever it is you may want me to make. :) <3
Anonymous asked (12/11/2011 10:26PM):
This guy I like told me he loved me but now he is acting like we are just friends and won’t become anything more and when he said he loved me he men’t it he said he did.
Well that’s really problematic, isn’t it. :(
I’m thinking, that maybe he isn’t emotionally mature enough to understand the full extent of what it is he told you, and the only way he knows of to take care of it is to run from it. That doesn’t stop it from hurting, or keep it from sucking terribly, but it should lighten the burden on your shoulders to know that it’s not anything personal or anything you did. It’s, in all likelihood, just him not knowing how to handle it.
If it’s really bothering you, maybe you should talk with him about it, ask him flat out if he meant what he said, that if he did, why is he acting like this, and if he didn’t, then why did he say it in the first place.. and that either way, how he’s acting needs to change if he wants any kind of future for the two of you. That phrase is not to be thrown around like it’s some kind of toy, at all. And he really needs to learn that.
Best of luck sweetie, and I hope you can help him come to his senses. <3
Anonymous asked (12/11/2011 10:37PM):
I was talking to this guy and everyday last week he would text me in the morning saying have a great day beautiful and then call me at night to see if I fallen asleep. Now He doesn’t text me in the morning and our conversations became 6 word conversations. Any advice or why is he is doing this?
Well hon, it sounds to me like it isn’t anything at all you did, if he just up and changed his actions like that. It really is too bad that he changed from being so sweet to treating you like you’re poisonous, but I think the best thing you can do to find out why would be to ask him. I’m willing to bet it’s just some sort of personal issue on his end, something that’s flat out changed his mind about how he should act towards you. Maybe he has a girlfriend already? Maybe he got grounded and can’t use his phone? Maybe his parents told him to stop and he listens to them? Maybe he’s just really really busy from the time of year? It could be anything at all like that, really. I wouldn’t take it as malicious intent at all.
But, yes, the best way to find out for sure is to just ask him. Tell him your viewpoint of it, how it’s made you feel, how you’re confused, how you think that you deserve the truth and that if he doesn’t want to talk anymore, that’s fine, but that he should at least tell you why before you part ways.. and hopefully, he’ll be mature enough to see that you have a point, and honor your request.
I very much hope that it’s just something harmless, for your sake. He really sounds like he’s a sweetheart, and it would really be too bad if he ruins it by taking a child’s way out. You have my good vibes going your way. :]
Anonymous asked (12/11/2011 11:13PM):
may I ask a typical shyguywholikesagirl question. okaaay. known her for about 1.5 years, see each other 1-2 times a week, but i’ve never really hung out with her. i’m not about to ask her out or try to rush into anything anytime soon, but should i somehow let her know I like her? what’s your take :)
Of course you can. :)
I think, that if she’s single and there’s never been any bad between you two, that you should definitely try to start something. :] You’d want to start off small and subtle though, like just talking to her more often at first. I mean, really, what is there to lose? If you try and she doesn’t like you like that, or it doesn’t work out, then hey, at least you tried and you’ll be able to move on in life knowing that; and on the other hand, if you try and succeed, and you end up getting together and staying together.. you will be very happy indeed that you tried, won’t you. :)
Unfortunately I’m not very well experienced in how to start talking to and get with someone you already like, and that is all dependent on personal style anyhow. But, I am very confident that you will find a way to do so, and have it be your own way besides. After all, you’ll want to be yourself as much as possible, because that’s who you want her to like. :]
I wish you good luck in trying this hon! May nothing but good things come out of it. <3
Anonymous asked (12/11/2011 11:43PM):
I’m in a band. The drummer’s alright and the guitarist is average. I can’t help but think there’s more out there. I have been looking for members forever and this is what I’ve come up with. I want to do music. That’s all I want in life. I have no idea how I can get to the point of playing and writing and having the same effect on people as the bands I look up to have on me. I’m totally lost as to what I should do. Stay and be unhappy. Leave and potentially not find anything better. please help
Well hon, as I have absolutely no experience in the music industry I’m not entirely sure how well I can help you. :( But, I think the very first thing you should do is to talk to your bandmates. Sit them down and really speak from your heart, tell them where you want to go and how you’re not sure how to get there, how you love them as people (if you do, that is) but you feel they could be better at playing, and if they want to stay with you and continue this then you’d really like them to get better and work with you to get yourselves out there more rather than making you do it all, how if they’re in it just as a casual hobby then they should probably leave, since that is completely incompatible with you and it would only hurt you both.. you all need to have that type of discussion, and soon.
And once that happens, and you know the results of that - whether you’re on your own, one of them stays, both of them stay, whether they’re willing or not to work harder on improving and getting your name known.. once you know all of that, then you can do your research, finding companies who help out starter bands, finding out how others got famous, how to maybe meet them and ask them how they did it and if they can help, finding out how to write and make the kinds of songs that both you feel come from the heart and that other people will want to hear, finding out where to find new band members as the case may be.. the internet can be your best friend there, really it can. I’m not entirely sure how or where you could find this kind of information, but I have a hunch it would do wonders in helping you, if you really educate yourself and whoever is with you at the time on how the world of music works, and how to really get yourself out there. And not only get yourself out there, but be liked at the same time.
But before you need to worry about doing all of that, just talk with your current band members, and see where getting everything off your chest takes you. I really admire you for wanting to succeed in the way those you look up to have, and I truly do hope you make it out there. You’re the kind of person who deserves it. :) <3
Anonymous asked (12/12/2011 2:09PM):
Thanks for such an honest answer! :) shyguywholikesagirl followup? haha. I’ve been wondering if giving her a lil kiss on the cheek would be appropriate. What would you think a guy thought about you if he kissed you on the cheek :D
Haha not a problem! :)
Well that’s a simple answer, I’d feel immensely flattered and not be able to talk anymore out of shyness LOL. Although it *would* be followed up by an explanation about how I’m taken, in my situation, but that’s neither here nor there haha. But hmmm, I can’t say that other girls would react the same way to be honest, I know some girls *would*, while others would think it’s way too forward and be scared off, and still others would be like ‘what the hell’ and maybe even slap you. It really, really depends. If you know anything about her, you may be able to tell how she’d react to that, and that would determine whether or not trying that would really work out.
I think that’d be adorable to try personally! But all girls aren’t the same, so I think it’s safer for you to try less forward approaches to start off with, haha. :3 Maybe leaving secret admirer notes where she can find them? Or just swing by where she is, just tell her ‘you look beautiful today,’ and then walk away? Just little complimenty things like that that would leave her feeling flattered, and probably liking it before she even realizes she likes it. *That* might work out. It’s along the same lines, and definitely not as risky haha. :)
Unless, of course, being risky is in your nature and you wouldn’t have it any other way, and you’re not afraid of whatever result you might get. But being a shy guy, something tells me that probably isn’t the case. ;3
I’d go for leaving notes for her, if I was you. :) That’d be extremely sweet and adorable, and not to mention keep your identity hidden until you feel the time is right to reveal it, and by then, as secret notes usually work, she’ll already have at least a small weakness for you, and probably be willing to give a date or two a shot. Again, it’s all up to what type of girl she is, but if she’s one of those shy, sweet ones, she’ll absolutely love it.
I still hope it all works out for you! And thank you for coming to me for advice! I absolutely love seeing new feelings blossom in people, it warms my heart like there’s no tomorrow. :)
Anonymous asked (12/12/2011 7:47PM):
you’re wonderful <3 i love you. thanks so much for your thoughtful responses! on the off chance that anything happens between me and her i’ll update you :D
Well thank you! :D <3 It’s never any problem at all! I hope something good does happen, I’d love to hear about it! ^^
Anonymous asked (12/16/2011 5:33AM):
I told a girl that I liked her eyes and she leaned away from me (bad :( sign) and said it was creepy while kinda giggling. Now I’m pretty sure she doesn’t actually think I’m a creeper, we’re (casual) friends, not too close. Anyway how do you think I should let her know I like her (cuz I do) and that I mean to genuinely complement her and not, however jokingly it might be, say something creepy?
Hmmm. Well after being told that, no matter how jokingly it was intended, you probably should wait a little bit before saying something like it again, especially if you’re only casual friends. What I would suggest, is doing what you can to be come closer, better friends, so that you’ll be in a position to say that kind of thing, and have her know that you actually mean it.
Now how to do that exactly would depend on the two of you, the kind of people you are, what interests you share, that kind of thing. Just, the general type of things that come into play when friendships are made. But, I would definitely be sure that you’re closer to each other, at least a little bit, before trying to compliment her as such again.
That’s really very sweet of you, by the way. :) I’m sure she doesn’t think you’re a creeper either, she probably just didn’t know what else to say. So all hope is not lost; in fact, there should still be plenty left for you to work with. :] If you don’t think that made sense, or want any further advice, don’t hesitate to ask me again! I truly do hope that helped! <3
Anonymous asked (12/16/2011 5:45AM):
How do you get over your first love?
This, being one of the simplest questions I’ve ever gotten, is also one of the most difficult to answer. :[
That, dearie, is something that honestly varies with each person, depending entirely on the type of person you are, the type of person you fell in love with, and what exactly happened between you two. And honestly, when my time came to get over my own first love, I was absolutely terrible at it, as it took me half a year to completely do so. But, I can try to give you some tips to make the recovery process easier at least. <3
You’ll want to remove any and all reminders you have of that person, as well as any way to contact them. Delete them - even block them - from Facebook, remove their email address and phone number, remove them from your friends lists, seriously anywhere you might have them as a contact, remove them and disable all means of them contacting you, which will also disable any means of you checking up on them out of curiosity. Just saying ‘I won’t look’ isn’t good enough; in order to remove temptation completely, just remove the source entirely.
You will also want to get rid of anything - solid, digital, anything at all counts here - that holds meaning for whatever the two of you had together. You do not want any kind of reminders laying around - pictures, stuffed animals, presents, tiny little momentos - throw it away, toss it in a box in the basement, just do *something* to get it out of your sight and guarantee you won’t find it again for a long time. In other words, at least for the recovery process, you will more or less need to erase any kind of sign of them that was in your life. You can always bring them back later, after you’ve moved on, but right now, they will be nothing but detrimental to you.
And after that, all you can do is take a deep breath, wipe away your tears, and try your hardest to live your life only for you. It may seem selfish, but if you concentrate on making yourself happy right now, in whatever method works best for you, it will do wonders on how you recover overall, and likely leave you in a better place than you were before you even met this person.
There is no telling how long it will take, either. Some people recover like lightning.. other people take months. It all highly depends on so many factors, really. But, these should be some good steps to try to take, that should really help in the recovery process.. they helped worlds for me, at least.. so, I truly do hope that they will do the same for you. My best wishes go out to you, sweetheart, and I truly do hope that you will not stay in pain for any longer than you have to be. <3
Anonymous asked (12/17/2011 8:56PM):
i really like this guy. at first we would text like all day almost everyday. & i went with his family to a christmas farm type thing & he opened the car door for me & he moved his moms food to sit next to me when we ate & we all thought he liked me. i’m really shy, & i’m not good at like “flirting” & recently we stopped talking as much. do you think it’s because he thinks I don’t like him? or do you think he just stopped liking me?
Hmmm, maybe dearie, he just got really busy with the holidays? That all sounds pretty sincere to me, and unless something drastic happened - which is likely too! - he just might not be having the same kind of time to talk right now.
Maybe you can try to ask him about it? Make it clear that you’re not upset and are understanding about it, so that he’d be comfortable being honest with you, and then he should let you know what’s up, if he’s in touch enough with his own emotions to be able to tell you. It is possible that, whatever it is, even if it’s something simple, he may not be able to explain it, because he might be afraid that you’d react badly if he tells you the truth. If you think he seems to be, try to reassure him that it’s okay to say so, if you can. If he’s just busy, that’s perfectly fine; the two of you can pick right back up as soon as all the activity has died down. If it’s something else entirely, well, honestly, you deserve to be told anyhow, and it is entirely possible for the whole situation to be resolved without any kind of conflict at all.
If you think you need any kind of help figuring out how to ask him, or how to interpret what it is he says, don’t hesitate to ask me again! I’ll try to help with whatever problems you’ve got. :)
Anonymous asked (12/17/2011 9:20PM):
I like a boy reallyy much, i’m header over heels for him! and i know that he likes me too, but it doesn’t feel like it. i just need some advice on how i should act around him, so i don’t do any dumb mistakes so he will stop like me, and yeah, just the right things to do? i don’t wanna mess anything up… maybe a weird question, but i like him… so much.
Well, honestly sweetheart, if you feel like you have to act a certain way in order to avoid ‘messing up’ or ‘doing the wrong thing’, then maybe he isn’t the guy you’re looking for. I know how very hard that will be to take in, considering how much you care for him, but that doesn’t mean you need to give up either!
What I would suggest, is to just be yourself! Apologize for your goof ups, talk in your normal style, be interested in what you’re normally interested in, just be your normal, casual, very “you” self. And if he doesn’t fall for you then, if you still feel like you need to put on a show in order to win his ‘approval,’ then it probably would be best for you to do your best to get over him. If he doesn’t like you for you, any relationship between the two of you ultimately wouldn’t work out anyhow. Why would you want to be with someone you have to pretend to be someone else aroun, knowing that he’s smitten with that ‘someone else,’ and not with you?
But on the other hand, it might work like a charm, and you’ll be happier being yourself besides. :) Wouldn’t you want him to fall for you, as you already are? Can you imagine how happy that would make you feel?
And if he doesn’t.. well, as I already said, then he’s not a guy for you, and you just need to keep looking for a guy who is. :) You have your entire life ahead of you, sweetheart, just stay patient and keep your eyes open, and it’ll happen for you before you know it. <3
Anonymous asked (12/18/2011 4:19AM):
so, there’s this guy I like but I hae no idea how to tell him, do you have any ideas? much love!xxx
Thank you! <3
That, dearie, is something that is entirely dependent on a lot of different things. What kind of person are you? What about him? What’s your relationship with him now? Do you two have any history together? Do you share any friends? Where do you run into him most of the time?
The universal way to start the path of telling someone how you feel, is usually doing what you can with what your situation has given you, and trying to start talking to him first. Maybe throwing in light flirts here or there, but be talking with him enough so that you can tell if he’s friendly, if he even likes you (not romantically, just liking you as a person), what he likes, what he does, all that sort of thing. And then you can start using those things to your advantage, and planning how each thing goes on a step-by-step basis. But unfortunately, you can’t really do that until the time is actually on hand, and ‘planning’ isn’t really the best option anyhow. The best relationships I’ve observed have never been ‘planned’ together.. they’ve fallen together on their own. That’s not saying that it’s impossible, not at all, but I would just suggest to try to do what you can to talk to him, and just let things happen naturally from there. :)
Don’t overthink it, hon. Just be yourself and let everything flow unhindered. <3
Anonymous asked (12/18/2011 4:29AM):
I really want to kill myself :’( I just needed somebody to know.. sorry :’(
Oh sweetheart. :( I should have answered this sooner! I’m so sorry!
But why? What’s wrong?
What could possibly be so bad that you feel like death is the only way to escape it? :(
Well dearie, I can promise you one thing: you are a beautiful, wonderfully unique person. No matter what anyone else ever tells you.
I love you. Please, don’t feel that way.
There are ways out of where you are without losing your life. <3 There are websites and phone numbers you may want to look at on my ‘similar blogs’ page, or if you don’t feel like going to one of them, this one girl’s heart is open to you. I am, after all, just a normal person, and I will do everything in my power to listen to you and help you smile again, if you want to trust me with what you have to say.
But if you do, you should submit it to my personal blog, or send it to my email: [firstname.lastname@example.org]. I don’t want what you have to say to be interrupted by character and message limits.
If you choose to, I will be here waiting for you. Or, if you choose not to, that is perfectly fine; just, please, I’m begging you, please realize that there is so much in this life worth living for, and snuffing out your own spark is not worth missing out on all the good that still exists.
And please.. don’t ever feel like you need to apologize for anything. <3 You’re in safe arms here. You’ve done nothing wrong. <33
Anonymous asked (12/18/2011 4:48AM):
He’s acting so strange, i don’t know what to do anymore, because not even he knows what’s wrong with him. He doesn’t even act like he’s my boyfriend anymore. How do i stop caring about him so much and start caring more about me?
:( I feel for you love, I really do, this is exactly what happened with one of my ex’s. And, I would have asked that exact same thing.
Which, even now I’m not sure I have the right answer for. But, I will suggest to you the same thing I would try to tell my past self: be strong, and leave him. You can talk to him first, of course; tell him that he’s not who he used to be, that you’re not sure what happened, but that you can’t be treated like this, that it’s doing some severe damage to you and that you can’t stay if even he doesn’t know what’s wrong, so how on earth can you help if he doesn’t know how you can.. there is a small chance that the two of you might talk it out, that you’ll understand each other and be able to work through it together, but unless that happens, it will probably be better for the both of you to separate, at least until he figures himself out. Right now, all he’s doing is causing the both of you unneeded pain.
In theory, after that, his being removed from the equation that is the complexity of your emotions should work wonders towards helping you to care more about yourself. If you only have you, then more of your own attention will be drawn to you, wouldn’t it? In theory. Of course, it probably will not be that easy or simple in reality. But, it really should help. Without him around right now to worry you, to make you feel stressed, to leave you wondering exactly what happened, the happy feelings, the things you love doing, the things that make you smile, should come along much more easily, and leave you feeling much more appreciative of it all.
And this is, of course, keeping in mind that he may figure out his own mind at any time, and ask to take you back. In which case, after a good discussion, I don’t see any reason not to give it a second shot. Or, he may be gone for good, even after his mind has cleared up. And if *that* is the case, well, more healing will be involved, obviously, but he is not the only boy out there. Taking care of yourself, right now, is your top priority. You don’t want to let other people drag you down with them, while they’re letting themselves fall. Not when he’s treating you like that.
I hope that at least gave you something to think about, dearie. <3 You are, of course, always welcome to message me a second time. And I will try my hardest to help you then, as well. <33
Anonymous asked (12/18/2011 5:00AM):
I feel so lame. I’m in highschool, and I don’t drink, or smoke, or do drugs, or even party. I’m beautiful, gorgeous even. But I’m homeschooled and I’m just lame. I love my parents. I don’t rebel. I hang out with my friends innocently. Am I not living it up like I should?
Aside from being aware of your looks and being homeschooled, welcome to how my life was in high school. <3 In fact, that is exactly how my life is right now, as a senior in college. I don’t do any kind of drugs, smoking included, I don’t drink, even though it’s legal for me to, I don’t party at all, I love my parents like they’re my best friends, I wouldn’t even dream of rebelling.. and yet, I’m one of the happiest people I know.
So, my answer to that, dearie, is that if what you’re doing now is what makes you happy, then by all means, never, ever change, and keep doing what you’re doing. Who cares if it’s not what the rest of our generation feels is cool? Who cares if it’s what everyone else is doing? Honestly, what does it matter? Who needs their approval? Who gave them the right to decide how we live our own happiness? Nobody said you ‘should’ be doing anything. All you ‘should’ do, is live your own life however you want to live it, regardless of your surroundings, and do your hardest not to let other people influence you over your own preferences.
And, on a personal note, I am very proud of you. Most kids in high school, college, or just in that age bracket are absolutely convinced that the only fun you can have, is dangerous, illegal fun. The risk is what makes them feel alive. Not remembering what happened last night is a point of pride. And honestly, I could never once try to make myself imagine any kind of appeal in living a life like that. It all just seems, to me, so incredibly fake and shallow, and fellow young people who also realize this on their own are very few and far between. So, you.. I am very, very proud of you. Please, don’t ever change for anything. The world could use more people like you. <3 Keep loving your parents, keep spending time with your loved ones, keep having fun in your own way. And *never* let anyone else change your mind.
Anonymous asked (12/18/2011 11:41PM):
I’m in love with my brother’s best friend. He’s cute, he’s funny and smart - basically everything I could ever want in a guy! I really don’t know what to do about this. MY crush is crushing ME. Do you have any advice on what to do about this? p.s. I absolutely love your blog and all your advice:)<3
Well, you know, absolutely nothing’s preventing anything from actually happening there! How old is he? Is the age difference really an issue? What would your brother think? Does it really matter to you what he thinks? Do you think you could talk to them both, and see what they think so you know whether or not it’s worth hanging onto the feeling?
If it were me, I’d definitely think it’s worth saying something, to both of them. :) You can make it a point to say that you don’t want it to become awkward, but you need to get what you’re feeling off your chest, and believe that you have the right to know what they both think about it, so that you know whether or not to make yourself move on. Because, if your brother would rather you not get involved with his friend like that, or if his friend for any reason won’t be able to give you a chance, then it really would do you no good to hang onto those feelings for him. In that case, they will do you much more harm than good. But, then you will also know for sure whether or not it would have worked out, so before you worry about anything else that may come from it, just have a chat with them both whenever you have the time to. :)
If you think you need more help on how to go about that, or what exactly you’ll want to say, just let me know and I’ll do what I can to help you a second time! <3
Anonymous asked (12/19/2011 1:57AM):
I heard your good at advice so here goes. I’m in love with my bestfriend. He’s completely gorgeous and everything a girl could want. I’m scared that if I tell him it’ll ruin our friendship, I mean it’s been 17 years and I can’t lose that. He knows all my secrets and I know all of his. He keeps talking about this girl and he thinks he’s in love, I can’t help but feel jealous when he talks about her. I need him to be with me and I know I’m in love, what should I do?<3
You’ve heard? People have been saying that?? :O But that is quite the predicament you’ve gotten yourself into, isn’t it. :(
I hate to be the bearer of bad news dearie, but you can’t force him to be with anybody. :( Chances are, if you’ve been friends for that long, he hasn’t acted on anything towards you on his own, and he feels comfortable enough towards you to tell you how much he’s fallen for someone else, then anything between the two of you is very unlikely to happen. :( I absolutely hate having to say that, I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it is immensely better for you to hear it now, before what you already have is potentially ruined, than for you to realize it later and regret how you acted.
And the reason why I say that, is because, in all likelihood, if you were to tell him how you felt - unless I am grossly uninformed of his character, which is very likely - he wouldn’t know how to handle it, and even if he tried to still hold up the friendship you two currently have, ultimately it would probably fail. Of course, that isn’t set in stone at all; you might handle it like a champ, tell him, and still maintain your friendship despite what he may say; *he* might handle it like a champ, and still hang onto your relationship. Hell, he might even have never considered that before, and be opened to a whole new world concerning you; or, on the opposite end, he would be torn between not wanting to hurt you and loving you like a sister, and ultimately fall away from you. A lot, a lot a lot could happen, from telling him how you feel. Normally, I would say just tell him, get it off your chest, and then act accordingly depending on how he reacts, but in this situation, I really think that he shouldn’t be told. There are too many ‘if’s here, there’s too much possibility of your friendship falling apart because of any kind of misunderstanding. Unless you feel like you desperately need to, I wouldn’t tell him how you feel at all.
Now, in the meantime, because you can’t get it out of your system in what is normally the best way, you need to find a different outlet to vent your feelings to, who you can tell everything and anything and who can help you, for as long as it takes, to move on and free your heart. Maybe a relationship help forum? Anonymous advice blogs such as mine? A friend or family member who you can very strongly trust? Someone, anyone, who will be able to help you get past this situation.
Of course, if you try to do this and you still find yourself not moving on, he may need to be told how you feel anyhow. But, instead of being told in an inviting manner, it would be in an informing manner, because you would need to explain it all to him, and tell him that that is why you need to take some space from him, for yourself, for as long as it takes to get over your feelings. If he’s as good of a friend as he sounds he is, he will be surprised, and maybe even a little hurt, but should understand just fine, and leave you to whatever it is you need to do in order to feel better.
And, I do realize that this all was very much jumbled and disorganized, so I really hope that it was cohesive to you. I also realize how I didn’t exactly give you a solid path - I just kind of analyzed where all possible paths would take you - and for that, I apologize; but, maybe to you, it made some good sense, and it gave you an idea for somewhere to start on how to act. It is, after all, entirely up to you, how well you know him, and how you perceive he will react, because you - obviously - know him much better than I do. If it didn’t make sense, well, my ask box is always open for any clarifications, explanations or further suggestions you may want to ask for. :] <3
Anonymous asked (12/19/2011 1:57AM):
Your so beautiful!
Well aren’t you amazingly sweet. :D Thank you so much! <3
Anonymous asked (12/19/2011 1:59AM):
Your advice has helped me so much and I just want to tell you I will endlessly thank you:)<3
Oh I’m so glad to hear that. :D You are more than welcome! <33
Anonymous asked (12/19/2011 5:10AM):
I’m 16. my self esteem has always been pretty low. I just don’t have any confidence. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and 8 months now, and I can safely say that I love him, and he loves me. I’m clingy and constantly need to be reassured that I’m the one for him. and he reassures me. in October, we both got a job at the same place, and he works with this really pretty girl. Last night he told me that he thought she was really attractive, but I’m definitely way more attractive. he knows that my self esteem is really low and he knows I can’t help it, but I don’t think i’m pretty at all, and in fact I think he deserves someone more pretty, but he wants me and I’m so thankful for that. Do you have any tips on embracing your “inner beauty” or on feeling good about yourself?
That is exactly how my mind worked in high school dearie, and to a point how it still works today, and I’m 21. So it may be a little bit hypocritical for me to try to give you suggestions on how to achieve that train of thought, as I still have yet to master it myself, but I have gotten infinitely better over the years, so I will do my best. <3
First off, I want to comment on how much of a sweetheart he is, and how extremely lucky you are to have someone who will do that for you. I’m glad you appreciate it too! There is nothing wrong with your relationship that I can see. :) I know that’s not the point, but I’m always super glad to hear of people being happy together. :]
While him being him is supremely helpful, you can use his words to try to boost your own image of yourself. Try to identify what it is you don’t like about yourself. Part of your face? Your arms? Legs? Feet? And then, after that, look at each part you just named, and ask yourself, why do you think that part of you is so unattractive? It is how you are naturally, it is how you were born. These body parts make you functional, make you healthy, do what they’re supposed to do and keep you alive. Why would you criticize them for not looking the way you want them to? They’re beautiful, just because they’re yours. Nobody else has those same fingers, that same nose, those same eyelashes. It is absolutely unique to you, and that in of itself is beautiful.
Something else, that is slightly less abstract, is learning to ignore all the ‘beauty’ messages and all of society’s ‘you should’ lecturing that’s out there. All those makeup ads, weight loss pills, exercise equipment, fashion shows, everything everywhere implying that if you’re not a sheep following their every order on what you ‘should’ be, that you won’t be happy.. tune them out. Don’t let them get to you. Nobody ANYWHERE has any right to dictate what exactly is attractive. ‘Attractiveness,’ after all, is entirely a personal choice. What I find attractive will probably not be the same as what you find attractive. And all those people that seem to just like that one body type? They have been conditioned to think that, and likely will never be enlightened enough to break out of that shell society has trapped them in, which does a very good job of leaving the rest of us feeling like we’re not good enough.
I’m not entirely sure on *how* you can go through either of those processes, but once you stop comparing yourself to everyone and everything else, once you stop listening to everything everyone else is trying to tell you, once you stop caring if other people think you’re as attractive as that girl down the hall or not, you will finally start to be able to look at your face in the mirror and go, ‘.. hey, you know what, I actually don’t look half bad.’ And as time goes on, that thought will only get better and stronger.
If you really want more help, more focused and specific advice on how to really work on accepting yourself as you are, I very strongly recommend http://stophatingyourbody.tumblr.com/. Just look through the submissions, the pages, the videos, read everything you come across, and maybe something out there will really be able to help you. :)
Best of luck to you, sweetie. <3 The journey towards self acceptance is a long and rocky one, but I have full confidence that you can reach it without a problem at all. :)
Anonymous asked (12/19/2011 5:24AM):
Over 2 months ago, I met this boy. We have one class together at school, and the first day we met we spent 5 hours together, and talked (over text and facebook) constantly for the next 3 weeks. 2 weeks after we met, we hooked up. We hooked up for a week, deciding that we were friends with benefits. After that one week, he stopped talking to me. Just completely stopped. Now him and his ex girlfriend are probably going to get back together and I just don’t know what to do because I am so sad.
Oh sweetie. :( I’m so sorry you’re going through that right now!
That sounds to me like a classic case of moving too fast, and being naive. I know that may be a little harsh to hear (sorry :( ), but in all likelihood, hooking up was probably all he had wanted, and all he was working towards. If he didn’t stop talking to you completely afterwards, I would say otherwise, but… :(. You have every right in the world to be sad right now hon, you really do, having someone take advantage of your trust and your emotions like that can be immensely upsetting and scarring. But, to be truthful, I’m glad that it didn’t last for very long, because if it had, it would have done even more damage to you.
If he wants to get back with his ex, let him. It is not your responsibility to ‘warn’ anyone else of the kind of asshole he is. Maybe, after you’re feeling better, you can if you want to, but right now, just focus on yourself and getting yourself to feel better. You are much better off without him, love. I know you’re in a lot of pain right now, and that may be hard to believe, but if he’s the kind of guy who will just talk to you until he gets in your pants, and then stops talking to you afterwards, you don’t want him anywhere around you ever again anyway.
What you can do, is block him everywhere. Anywhere at all you may have had him online, your phone number, in person too if it’s possible; completely remove any and all ways for him to contact you, you to contact him, or you to check up on what he’s doing. You don’t need to know. The less you know, the happier you will be. Do not acknowledge his presence anymore, don’t say hi to him anymore, don’t give him the pleasure of knowing that he’s gotten to you. And especially - *especially* - don’t give into him if he tries to talk to you again. That is very important. Just ignore him if you can’t be mean; otherwise, he needs to be told to go fuck himself.
You’ll need to keep your mind busy after you remove him from your life, as well. If you already know of a way, then that is excellent, and you should go ahead and lose yourself in it. If not, find one. Everyone has to have some sort of hobby; now will be the perfect time to let it absorb all your focus and attention, to let it help you smile and be happy again, to let it remind you that this guy doesn’t deserve anything of yours you have to give, and that you can be perfectly happy and functional on your own.
I truly am sorry that that happened to you dearie. :( But the best thing you can do right now, is be resilient, accept what happened, become stronger, and move on. It may feel like it, but you won’t feel this way forever. <3
Anonymous asked (12/20/2011 12:25AM):
So, there’s this guy. Yeah, not the most original first four words. But this guy just irks me. He’s one of those guys that everybody likes but nobody knows why. He’s funny, but in a dumb way. But he’s actually one of the smartest guys in the class. So you never know whether or not he’s being serious or totally sarcastic. He’s flirty, but not in a seemingly intentional way. He’s only had one serious gf. I’m not worried about commitment either bc he plays awesome guitar. I have a crush. Now what?
You have a crush on him? Well nobody said that crushes were logical or rational, haha. :] What to do about it though, let’s see.
If I were you, because he seems to have quite a reputation, and, as you said, everyone likes him, I’d do my best to keep my feelings to myself and try to get over them. I mean, if you want to try to give being with him a shot, then go for it! By all means! But I just think you’d be saving yourself a lot of pain and aggravation if you just tried to do what you can to not feel that way towards him. He seems like the type who just soaks up attention like a sponge, and will do whatever he wants regardless of who gets hurt by what or what responsibilities he should be taken care of, and honestly, unless that kind of person is a thrill to you, you very likely don’t want someone like that on your side. You’d be spending more time babysitting him, than being his companion.
Of course, if you give him some time, it’s entirely possible that he’ll mature out of it, and then a relationship might not be that bad of an idea! But you can never tell how quickly or to what extent a person will grow up, so to be entirely truthful, trying to focus your attentions elsewhere in order to continue on would be the best idea.
You can look through some of my other answers if you’re not sure exactly how to go about that; or, I can always tell you what I think in response to a second message, if that’s how you prefer it. :] Either way, I truly do hope that helped, and I wish you the best of luck in whatever it is you true to do. <3
Anonymous asked (12/24/2011 5:32AM):
My cousin is suicidal and my aunt put him in therapy. She’s told me to talk to him since we’re close, what should I tell him?
Hmmm well, that does depend on what she put him in therapy for. That also depends on how willing he is to talk; since she put him in there, and he didn’t go himself, he may not be entirely willing. :( But, it definitely doesn’t hurt to try.
I think, right now, you just need to tell him that you’re there for him, and really emphasize the fact that he’s not alone. You don’t want to make him talk when he’s not ready, you don’t want to make him tell more than he’s willing to say, you don’t want to make any kinds of assumptions.. but, what seems to be rather universal in people who are suicidal, is that they feel alone. It may be for different reasons from person to person, and may be tinted with different kinds of emotions (anger, hurt, sadness, loneliness, etc), but the base idea of being alone is always there. So, the very first thing you’ll want to try to attack is that. You don’t want him to feel alone anymore. Be gentle about it, let him know that you’re always going to be there for him - ALWAYS - and that you’ll never judge him, that you’ll never do more than listen if he wants you to, that if he doesn’t feel ready to now, that’s perfectly fine, and that you’ll always be there for when he is, how much you care for him, how much you’re glad he’s still alive.. one little thing you may want to try, if he celebrates Christmas (and even if he doesn’t!), is to do a special little something for him this weekend. Bake him some cookies, a cake, a pie, buy his favorite snack, make him dinner, bring over his favorite movies and have a marathon.. any type of little thing like that. I’m sure that kind of gesture will do wonders.
I know I was a little vague here; if you want any kind of specific things to say to him, even though I don’t know how your relationship is or your style of speaking, you can always message me again and I’ll see what I can do to help. :)
I really hope you help him get back on his feet. The world needs his beautiful smile back. <3
deeperthinkingg asked (12/28/2011 6:01PM):
Whats your zodiac sign?
I’m a Gemini! :) Although sometimes I think my traits are more similar to a Taurus.
thesideyouneverread asked (12/29/2011 4:06AM):
Just seriously wanted to thank you and all the people that have submitted their stuff to this blog. Really appreciate this blog. Show’s how much I would have been missing if I killed myself over summer.
You are incredibly welcome my dear, I’m so very glad you like it. :) And, may I say I’m even more glad you decided to stay with us? <3 It’s so great to hear that you’ve made it past that time in your life. :) (Or at least I hope you have! If you haven’t, know that you can always talk to me if you feel you need to, okay? <3 )
Anonymous asked (1/02/2012 9:11PM):
:D Well thank you! <3
thejoyofmariskahargitay asked (1/02/2012 10:36PM):
I just found this blog I am super excited. :) lol when will submissions be open again?
Haha I’m glad! :) That, though, is actually a great question. I’m not getting through my current submissions anywhere near as fast as I thought I would, and there are still just about 430 to go. That’s a lot of reasons to make. D: But, as I’ve said before, if you and the others don’t mind the waiting time (which I’ve honestly never been told one way or the other), I can reopen them for small hunks of time every now and then.
So really, it’s up to you when they open again. :] If left up to me, they’ll probably be closed for a little while still, until I feel they’ve been down long enough or until I feel caught up enough. You guys can help me with that, you know. I’d actually love to hear what you think. :)
livelife—regretnothing asked (1/02/2012 10:49PM):
Have you ever thought about adding more people to help you with the submissions?? Because if you have or are, I’d be happy to help haha.
I have though about it! And I’ve had a couple other offers to help too, haha. :) But the thing is, I have a certain style and quality of pictures I look for for my backgrounds, which is why every reason takes so long to make, and I’m not sure if I can find anyone else with that same eye, if that makes any sense. :(
But you did get me thinking about a different way people may be able to help me. :] For now, I’m just going to keep it to just me, but I might choose to go for it, so keep your eyes peeled for a post explaining what I mean. :)
Thank you so much for the offer though! It’s really very sweet of you! <3
Anonymous asked (1/07/2012 3:14AM):
OH MY GOD! Stefan and Damon Salvatore! <3 Whoever submitted that to you needs a HUG! And you need a bigger hug for making the typographies!! :D This made my day <33
Hahaha you’re welcome! I’m glad you liked them so much, that’s the kind of reaction I hope happens all the time. ^^ <33
Because you were so sweet: *bear hugs*! :D
Anonymous asked (1/07/2012 6:27AM):
a submission - dimples :D coz dey’re the cutestt! :D skghklh! :D :D :D :D :D
That’s already been done, actually! Number 240 on the master list. :)
Please be sure to check out the master list, everyone! You can very easily see what all has already been posted there. :] <3
Anonymous asked (1/07/2012 3:41PM):
hiii dur. i was wondering how to make all the pictures on your blog.. do you use photoshop, or some sort of website generator?
I actually don’t use either! Photoshop would be what you would want to use if you’d want to do something similar, but I use Paint Shop Pro 8. :] It’s such an old program, I don’t think you can even buy it anymore, but it’s what I learned with way back when I was learning how to make graphics, and I’m much more familiar with it than I am with Photoshop.
It’s not a bad program though! I know it well enough to churn out things that look like they were made in Photoshop, so hey, it all works out. :)
Anonymous asked (1/08/2012 12:46AM):
I was just wondering where you get the pictures you use for your posts? :)
Most of them I get off of Flickr! From the Creative Commons pool, specifically, so that copyrights and usage aren’t an issue. :] But occasionally, if I can’t find anything I really like there, I go to WeHeartIt or Google Images and keep looking there. :)
Anonymous asked (1/09/2012 11:37PM):
I’m in love with my ex and i dont know how to bring it up. I want to just be like oh hey i love you and i want to be with you!! but im scared that he doesnt feel the same so my question is how should i bring it up? thank you for helping i love your blog(:
Hmmmm, let’s see. Well, how long have you been broken up? What caused you two to break up in the first place? Is there anything sour between you two? How was your relationship while you were together? Before I really give you specific advice, I should probably know those things. :] But, I’ll do my best at something general. <3
If you had a good relationship, ended mutually, and don’t have any kinds of bad feelings stewing between you two, then there might be a chance that you could get back together. Are you still talking to him? If not, then it might be a little trickier, suddenly reappearing in his life, but if you do, then you could just cautiously start doing little things again, like hugs, subtle flirts, special kinds of smiles, things like that, and see how he reacts. If he does in kind, or doesn’t seem to be obviously resisiting, then that’s leading to being able to sit down with him in the future, and telling him openly how you feel. :] If not, then you’ll know to back off before ruining whatever you have left, and to move on to keep yourself from pining over someone you can’t have.
So, what I mean, if you didn’t understand much of that, is to just start being subtly friendly and flirty again, pick up the little things that couples do, or people just starting relationships do, and see how he reacts. His reactions might be equally subtle, so you’ll have to pay close attention to that, but if he seems to be going along with it, then I would say that you just might have a chance of getting with him again. :)
I know it’s not advice on how to get where you want fully, but at least it’s something to start off with. :] If you want even better advice, message me again with the specifics concerning you two, and I’ll definitely do what I can. :D Best of luck, my dear! I hope it works out for you! <3
Anonymous asked (1/09/2012 11:38PM):
You are such a kind person. Thank you for this blog.
Well thank you, love! Such a kind message in of itself. :) You are very welcome! <3
Anonymous asked (1/10/2012 11:15PM):
I’m scared to tell my best friend that I’m gay, I wrote a letter at 3 in the morning, and I’m debating whether or not I should send it. If your best friend came out to you in a letter instead of telling you in person would you mind? ( I also live 14 hours away from her, and only see her about once every 6 months. )
Well hmmm, would you be able to tell her over Skype maybe? That way it’s still face to face more or less, just not physically in person. I think it would go over better that way, than in a letter she finds in the mail, at least.. unless you’re intensely scared about saying it wrong, or missing an important point, but you know, another way you could do it would be to get in Skype with her, tell her you have something you wrote you want to read to her, and just read off your letter? That’s always something you could do, if you’re really nervous. <3
How come you’re scared to tell her, though? Is she homophobic at all? Or are you just afraid she won’t look at you the same afterwards? Because, well, if she’s truly your best friend, whether or not you’re gay won’t make one lick of difference to her. In fact, she would be extremely supportive, and would likely tell you you’re silly for being so afraid. I can’t say you don’t have good reason to be, though (and she probably would understand that too), but in all likelihood, you really don’t have anything to worry about. <3
After all, if you tell her you’re gay, and she changes her feelings towards you, that would be a pretty good indication that you need a new best friend, wouldn’t it? I know that sounds harsh.. but it’s better to be open and honest, and get rid of the people who would bring you down, than to hide things from those who mean the most to you, and continue living a lie.
So, definitely, choose what method works the best for you, work up your courage, and tell her. <3 If you think you need some more encouraging before you do so, message me again, okay? I’ll do what I can to help you feel ready. :)
hellotheregianna asked (1/11/2012 5:15PM):
I was wondering how to know when submissions are open? =]
I hope to get to the point where I feel okay opening them again soon!
If it’s left up to me, they’re probably going to stay closed until I get to a much more manageable number, because anything that’s sent in now would likely be stuck waiting behind what I already have for quite a while; but, because they’ve already been closed for a while, maybe sometime soon I’ll have them open for a day or two just to give nice people like you a chance. :]
We’ll see how it works out! I’ll definitely make a post about if it that’s what I choose to do, so keep your eyes peeled for it! :)
Anonymous asked (1/13/2012 2:35AM):
I’ve got this problem where a part of me really wants to be official with my ex boyfriend. The thing is, only a handful of my friends can see he and I together since he did horrible things to me. So far, he’s proven that he’s slowly changing making me want him back. I’m just afraid to start telling my friends since they might hate me or worry about me more. What should I do?
Hmmm, well, normally, even though you think he’s changing, I would still advise against getting back with him, because most people are incapable of changing completely. But then again, my own boyfriend did it for me, back when we had some issues of our own, so I do know that it *is* possible. But, what my situation was and what yours is are two different things, so I can’t really say I know what to expect. :[
What I would do, though, is talk to him about it. If he really is changing, then he’ll be mature enough to be able to talk about it, to realistically admit how he was wrong, that he’ll never do it again, and swear it on his life. And while you’re talking to him about it, see if he’ll talk to your friends about it, and tell them all, himself, that he’s different, that he’ll treat you different, that none of what happened before will happen again. That is the only way I can think of that would not only get them to listen, since it would be him saying it, not you (who they would likely believe you to just be blinded by love), and not only that, but it would show that he respects your friends enough to inform them, and he would earn respect and appreciation in return. It really would be a win-win situation, if all parties involved would be mature enough to look beyond their own selfish inclinations (which, really, all people have; maturity is the ability to look past it).
And, if he’s not willing to do this, it would give you good reason to second guess his true intentions, wouldn’t it? Because, after all, if he’s not mature enough to tell those close to you how he feels, then maybe he’s not mature enough to truly be changing, either.
I hate to be the bearer of potential bad news, sweetie, but it’s better to do what you can to keep a realistic head on your shoulders, so that you don’t get hurt again. <3 But, you don’t want to give up hope either. Keep going for it, talk to him, and see what happens. All my good thoughts are with you. :)
Anonymous asked (1/13/2012 3:01AM):
is there anything wrong with simply telling the girl i like that i like her? is it necessary/expected for me to ask her out afterwards? because i don’t really have that in mind, i just want to tell her. i’m worried she’ll respond badly or not know what to say. also do you think it would be a good to mention it to her one year older brother first? (who i’m friends with also) thank you :)
I think, that if you tell her, and right after you tell her, you say that you don’t want to ask her out, you just want her to know (and that she doesn’t have to say anything in response, other than maybe ‘thank you,’ if you see her struggling to find something to say), then it would be just fine. :) She might be a little taken aback, because to be told that and not be asked out is extremely rare, but I think she’ll appreciate knowing just the same. I know I would. :)
It would be good form to let her brother know of it too! Just so that he doesn’t get overly protective, like some brothers are known to do. Tell him what you plan to tell her, just so that he knows, and really, nothing bad should come from it at all. :] That’s actually incredibly respectful of you, to just want to tell her you like her and not expect her to go out with you afterwards. So, really, I have to personally commend you for that. Good for you, I hope you keep that kind of thing up. :)
Be sure to tell me how it goes, if you want! I wouldn’t mind hearing how she takes it. :)
Anonymous asked (1/13/2012 3:43PM):
I don’t want to be single anymore. I’m 18 & still NBSB. Sad. :( Is it ok to be desperate about it??
Actually anon, I don’t find that sad at all. I know a few people personally who are 21, even 25, and still never have had romantic relationships. I’ve had this question before, and had a few other people give their support to the anon who asked it, who were older than 20 and still hadn’t been in a relationship.. and what they all have in common, is that despite that fact, they are all perfectly happy and satisfied.
The question you should ask yourself, dearie, is *why* are you desperate about it? So you can fit in? So you can know what it’s like? So you have someone you can love? So that you feel better about yourself?
Whatever reason you have, you should really try to talk yourself out of it. Being ‘desperate’ for a relationship is only going to spell disaster once you get into one. That, I can tell you from experience. :( When you’re overly eager, and overly excited, you tend to move too quickly, overlook certain things you normally wouldn’t, and allow certain other things you probably shouldn’t. It’s opening the door towards not being with someone you truly love, or someone who truly loves you, not really noticing if a person could be bad news or not, and towards being used somehow or another. And, honestly, all that will bring you is pain. Physical pain, emotional pain, heartbreak, betrayal, disappointment.. you don’t want to be desperate about it. :(
I hate that I have to sound mean about it love, but I know what it’s like to be someone who REALLY really wants to be with someone already, and to be overly eager for it to happen. Trust me, you don’t want that happening to you.
So I’m going to tell you what I wish I could’ve been able to tell myself: try your hardest, your absolute hardest, to calm down. Tell yourself that, while you would love to be with someone, it’s not your top priority - being happy, loving your live, being happy with who you are what what your life is RIGHT NOW, is. That, even though society likes to tell us that the earlier we date, the better, and that kids in school don’t help the matter at all, being 18 and not yet experiencing it only means that when you do, you will be much more mature and much more able to appreciate what everything involved in a relationship actually means.
What you want to focus on instead, is loving yourself. If you love yourself, then you won’t feel the despairing *need* to love someone else. If you love yourself, you won’t give two shits about wanting to fit in. If you love yourself, you’ll respect yourself enough and have enough patience with your life to realize that the right person will come, the right time will come, and you will, one day, know what it’s like to be with that special someone. And if you love yourself, well, that’s the highest someone who wants more self esteem can shoot, isn’t it? <3
And more importantly, if you truly love yourself, you will accept and understand that you don’t need ‘someone else’ to feel happy, to feel satisfied, to feel fulfilled, to live the life of your dreams. So, finding that special someone can take as long as it will, and maybe even never happen (as is the unpredictability of life), and you will still remain smiling, bright, happy, and beautiful.
Your goal should be to find that person who will compliment your life alongside you, as you feel that way. Maybe even someone who will assist in helping you reach that point, on their own journey towards the same goal. But not someone you would be with, just for the sake of someone to be with. That is not the point of a relationship. Companionship, comfort, commitment.. is.
So keep your chin held high, sweetheart. You may be 18, but really, as I said before.. all that may mean is that, when your first relationship does happen, you will be so much more mature, so much more in touch with yourself, and so much more aware, that everything you experience will be at least ten times more wonderful than when it would have been if you had been younger.
Wouldn’t it be comforting to think that whoever you end up with will be equally as mature, as well? :)
You can want a relationship as badly as you like. But the thing you need to teach yourself, is that you don’t *need* one. Once you truly believe that, then you will be ready. And some lucky person out there, undoubtedly, can’t wait to meet you, and finally open that door for you. :)
(I truly do hope that all made sense! My mind is a little scattered today, and I seem to be feeling a little extra emotional, so if something wasn’t entirely clear or if I seemed to contradict myself, please let me know! I’ll definitely do what I can to explain. Thank you dearie, and I really do hope you understand. :] All my love to you, all my hopes, and all of my wishes that you will, one day, truly feel happy, with someone or without. :) <3 )
Anonymous asked (1/14/2012 8:19PM):
i don’t have many friends, because i’m starting to find out who my true friends are. and my “bestfriend” is back together with her ex that cheated on her. everytime she has a boyfriend, i don’t exist to her. on top of that, my grandpa just died and he was my bestfriend. i am forever alone.
Oh sweetie. :( You’re not! Not *forever* at least, and honestly, you’re not even now. There are countless communities you could go to online, you could try to open up a little and maybe make new friends in your classes, any after school clubs (if that’s an option to you), even through your blog.. You’re never *really* alone. There are so many people out there willing to lend you their support, even if they never spoke to you before. But, you do need to try to find them. :]
But that’s neither here nor there. I’m very proud of you for finding out who your real friends are on your own, for one thing. And, honestly, your ‘best friend’ is no different from the sounds of things, and it seems as if you don’t need her around any more than you need the others. You don’t need *anybody* who doesn’t understand the true definition of friendship.
And as for your grandpa.. I’m so, so sorry, really I am. :( :( I’m sure he lived a beautiful life though, and lived through it happily, thanks to you. :] But, if he’s not around anymore.. yes, it is just fine to give yourself some good time to mourn, to miss him, to feel the inevitable pain of his loss, but after the time goes by, you need to do your best grow from it, to keep him in your heart, but to continue living your own life. That’s what he’d want you to do, isn’t it?
I do understand that being without real friends, especially at this point in your life, is very difficult for you to deal with. I do. :( And, if I were to be honest, I’d say that being without friends because they weren’t real to you is a lot easier to recover from than being without friends because your best one passed away.. a combination of the two, definitely is not something simple to pass through. :[ But, there’s nothing saying that it’s *impossible.*
It may be a bit of a challenge, especially now, but if you’re left with nobody you can depend on, then it’s time to realize that there’s one person you can depend on, who will always, ALWAYS be there for you - yourself. You will not go behind your own back, you will not ignore yourself for someone else, you will not leave yourself stranded alone.. you may not be aware of it, particularly, but you have always been there for yourself. Quiet, and observant, but there.
And so, you can start loving yourself. Trusting yourself. Enjoying your own company. Spending time with yourself. Finding things to do with yourself. Loving it, really enjoying it, letting it help you smile and be yourself again.
And by the time you’re there, you ideally will be able to realize that, friends or not, you are perfectly happy with where you are, and you don’t need anyone other than your own being to stay that way. That way, anyone else you include in your life will only build on that happiness, and hey, I don’t see it getting much better than that. :)
You have your whole life ahead of you, love. <3 Don’t let this one roadblock get in your way, no matter how daunting it may seem. We were made resilient. Now go and show just how much of you are yourself. :)
Anonymous asked (1/14/2012 8:42PM):
everyone sucks, and i am forever alone. story of my life i guess..
Not everyone sucks! And you’re definitely not alone. <3
(Is this the same anon I just answered on my advice blog, by the way? Well, regardless, I’ll answer this one separately. I’m sure you’re fine about it going on the main blog. :] )
I would argue against everyone sucking. Really, it entirely depends on what everyone is taught, *how* they are taught, how they are raised, where they live, and just SO so many other factors that I can’t even try to touch on them all. But, I wouldn’t blame the people. I’d blame their societies. It’s the societies that teach the teachers, and teach the parents, how to raise their children into the people they are. It’s the societies that teach the children directly, and tell them exactly who they should be, what they should want, and how they should act. It’s societies that teach the morals these days, it seems - and none of that was anywhere near as detailed as I could make it. It’s *extremely* brainwashing, and you’ll find that the grand majority of fellow humans you run into haven’t quite figured it out yet, and haven’t yet broken free with their own independent thoughts and opinions. Some may think they have, but really haven’t.. some may want to, but aren’t able to yet.. it’s just like what I read somewhere not long ago (I forget from where), that said all society and business needs to do to make money is to keep the consumer population scared. Scared that they’re not good enough, so they need their products. Scared they won’t live long enough, so they need to eat their food, partake in their exercise program, take their pills. Scared they’re not smart enough, so they need to take their schooling program.. it’s all derived from fear. If the target population is perfectly happy and satisfied with where they are, if they treat everyone like equals, and don’t feel that innate “I’m better than you because I do X and Y and you don’t” that so many companies depend upon, then do you think their things will sell? No. I didn’t think so.
So. My whole point being, after that rather rambly paragraph that I’m afraid doesn’t make sense.. I don’t think the people suck. I don’t think everyone really is fully aware of what they’re doing, and how wrong so much of it is. I think everyone is trapped in the mess society has left us in, floundering around to find their own purpose whether it be going along with it, or attempting to break free. But do I think *society* sucks? FUCK YES I do.
And as for being forever alone.. that simply isn’t true. Even if nobody talks to you in person, if nobody talks to you online, if you feel like you can call nobody a friend.. well, regardless of every bit of that, you still have yourself. You will never be forever alone, because you will always have yourself with you. You always have your own thoughts, your own feelings, thoughts, opinions, hobbies, interests, actions.. they will never abandon you. Never. And, truly, if you embrace it enough, at one point, you could become your own best friend, which is about as enlightened as you can be, when confronted with loneliness, self esteem and self acceptance.
So really, what I suppose I’m trying to say here is, what you said originally simply does not hold true. Both could be very easily dissolved, just by changing the way you think about them. I am very sorry, however, if I came off as overbearing, if I ranted way too much, if you didn’t expect this type of answer, if I came off as ‘feeling superior’ at all.. I didn’t intend for any of that at all. It’s honestly just something I feel very strongly about, so when I go off about it, I tend to lose my mind’s organization, and speak through flow of consciousness. So, for all that, I do apologize. But, regardless, I hope that at least something I may have said here makes sense, and that it may have given you something to think about. :)
May your days be filled with nothing but smiles from now on. <3
b00mtastic asked (1/16/2012 12:15AM):
perfect blog. <3
Well. :D Thank you so much!! <3
helloworldmakkie asked (1/16/2012 1:07AM):
This is my favorite blog ever. Just thought I’d tell you how amazing you are;)
Oh my god really? Oh that is absolutely the sweetest thing, thank you so much! Really! :D
Keep smiling that beautiful smile, okay? <3
Anonymous asked (1/16/2012 8:28PM):
what’s the name of the font you use? it be pretty :)
Thank you! <3 It’s Century Gothic, and the font for my blog name is Freestyle Script. :)
Anonymous asked (1/16/2012 8:39PM):
What is the name of your theme? Its really cool (:
So much interest! Haha :D It’s the Sleekmark theme, tweaked with a different background, but that’s about it. :)
Thank you, by the way! <3
dontloseyourself-inthecrowd asked (1/17/2012 6:36PM):
Hi there! I just wanted to let you know that I’m so thankful to have stumbled upon your blog… I definitely need something like this. Something that I can go back to whenever I need to to remind me of all the incredible things in life to be thankful for… Keep it up, it’s a true joy to visit your page :)
Oh that makes me so happy to hear, thank you so much for telling me! <3 I especially needed to hear that today, I didn’t have the best of days. :]
I truly do hope I’m always able to keep it up, for you, and for everyone else I’m able to reach through this blog. :) <33
Anonymous asked (1/17/2012 6:42PM):
where are you auditioning this summer??
Auditioning? What do you mean? :O
I’m actually not! Everything I posted, so far, are user submissions; the huge influx of performing-art-related posts are completely by coincidence. :3 If that’s what made you think that, then I’m sorry to have confused you! ^^;
Anonymous asked (1/17/2012 11:10PM):
My friend killed themselves a few weeks to a month ago and out of almost all my friends I was the only one that knew her really really well and so it feels like everybody has forgotten except me and then that makes me feel like I cant be sad or anything and i have to act fine and stuff at school because it was a month or so ago and even hearing her name still makes me tear up, I and i don’t want my parents to see , and try and comfort me , because they just gets me mad and more upset. :’/
Oh no, sweetie, I am so, so very sorry for what happened.. really I am. :(
But, you know.. it doesn’t matter how long it’s been, or how many other people don’t seem to care.. you are perfectly welcome to feel however you choose to feel about it. Crying, grief, sadness, mourning.. none of it whatsoever is any sign of weakness. At all. Nobody with any meaning in your life will make fun of you for it, discourage you from it, look down on you for it. Take as long as you need to grieve, and really try your hardest not to let the opinions of others get in the way.
Because, after all.. this was your friend, who took her own life. What right do they have to decide how long the proper mourning time is, when everyone should be normal again, whether or not you can still be upset over it? Nobody decides that universally.. that’s something entirely up to the individual. Especially in a case like this. You shouldn’t have to hold back how you feel at all.. you should embrace it, let it out, show it when you need to, and stop hiding it within yourself. In showing it, other people will remember her memory, and maybe grieve a little more on their own as well.. you will feel more comfortable with the situation, as well as with yourself.. others will learn to respect you and your feelings.. in short, in showing it, you will recover - truly recover - in a much shorter time.
That’s not to say that that’s all that you want. No.. recovering, just to forget, is not the goal here. What the goal *is,* is to live your own life, in honor of hers. To show the proper respect and sadness towards what she has lost, but not so much and for so long that you start to lose your own vitality. To still be able to love her, regardless of if she’s with us or not, and feel happy when remembering her, instead of sad. That’s what you want out of recovery.
But it’s hard to get it started when you keep it inside yourself like that. <3 Let people see it.. let your parents comfort you.. let others know that, no, you’re not okay about it right now. There’s nothing stopping you from showing it, nothing saying it’s wrong to feel it, no unwritten rule telling you to forget your emotions. Quite the opposite. Being in touch with how you feel is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
And I do sincerely hope you’ll get better, love. Both for your sake, and for her’s. <3
bienvenueauclub asked (1/21/2012 2:23PM):
I was in a really terrible mood but then I found reasonstolovebeingalive and it made my day. Thank you <3
Oh that is absolutely lovely to hear. :D Thank *you* for letting me know! I hope your day gets even better, and continues to be beautiful for as long as you will it to be. :)) <3
Anonymous asked (1/21/2012 8:29PM):
Soo.. if, hypothetically of course, one were to have “suicidal” thoughts all the time & even start to develop/seriously consider a freaking plan but deny that they would ever actually do it & say they are scared by their own thoughts, what should they do/what would you say to them?…. :/
If someone were hypothetically thinking this, then I would hypothetically suggest to that person to stop keeping their thoughts in their head, right this minute, and open up to the people they feel closest to. To really sit down and talk, and confess everything, and admit that they need help. To recognize that needing help is *not* a weakness, and neither is letting people in to help you.
This hypothetical person needs to stop denying to themselves that they’re fine, admit that the situation may not be as hypothetical as they think, and do everything they can to seek help from anyone who may be willing to give it. Those thoughts are legitly scary, and incredibly dangerous. It is not a good idea to keep them locked up in the brain. They can really do some serious damage in there.
So, what I would be telling this hypothetical person - or maybe not so hypothetical - is that they really need to open up, and let their thoughts go. To friends, family members, trusted adults (teachers, pastors, counselors, friends’ parents, anybody), complete strangers who will listen, advice blogs, your own blog, a diary.. anywhere. Just get them out. Don’t let them fester. Somewhere where someone will be willing to listen, help and do everything they can do assist would be the best option, but is not always possible. But, this hypothetical person really needs to find someone who’ll listen and help, as soon as possible, if one is not available right now.
They need to be told that they’re beautiful. Reminded how exciting life is. Have these scary thoughts chased away and replaced by happy, comforting, accepting ones. Smiled at. Encouraged. Accepted. Hugged, helped, and loved. This person needs to be reminded just how important they are in this world, and helped to the point where they will start to believe it themselves.
Find the person that will do this for this hypothetical situation. Even if, as hard as it may be, it needs to be your hypothetical self. You’ll be surprised at how quickly it will help, at the power of determination, and at how much better you will feel. :] I may not be able to help much further than that, but I always believe in the power of beginnings, and in the power of the first steps. You just need to let yourself take them. Hypothetically. :) <3
Anonymous asked (1/21/2012 9:56PM):
hey! so I just wanted to let you know that I love the photos you use. they always seem to fit just perfectly, and are so clear! I also definitely agree with what you said about the comments, everyone has the things that keep them going and if they’re different than the things that keep you going, so what? diversity should be appreciated. thank you for running this blog <3
Well. :D That just helped to make my night. ^^
Thank you! Really! I’m so glad that you understand, that gives me hope that others out there do too; I was actually a little worried that I’d earn me some hate with a comment like that. I suppose I was worrying needlessly. :) So, really, thank you so much for such a kind message, and for caring enough to send it in the first place. :)))
No, really, I appreciate this so much, you have no idea. ^^ Never stop smiling that beautiful smile of yours! <3
Anonymous asked (1/22/2012 4:37AM):
Can we see a picture of you?
Well sure, if you don’t mind the slouchy weekend wear, my weekend face, and weekend hair haha. :3
If you want to see me looking better, I suggest you ask sometime in the middle of the week. :]
Anonymous asked (1/23/2012 6:20PM):
I want to thank you for your beautiful blog.. I had an awful day and I just needed something to cheer me up, and I randomly came across here. Thanks, dear!! Best in life :) xx
Oh I love it when that happens. :D That’s exactly what this blog is for! Thank *you* for letting the little things cheer you up. :)) <3
An even better life right back to you. :]
Anonymous asked (1/25/2012 2:27AM):
What am i supposed to do when there is no fight left in me. Everyday is a struggle and i dont think i can do it anymore. Ive been bateling depression and alot of other things for a few years. Ive done the whole therapy thing and medicine but nothing seems to make it better. I am only 16 and live by myself for the most part. My parents are divorced and i stay in my dads appartment when he lives an hour away and only comes up 2 days a week. I need help. Please.
When you find yourself in a situation like that, dearie, the thing that you need the most, that will help you the most, is finding something that you believe is worth living for.
Maybe, you’ll find that you’re really into reading, and you’ll get lost in enough books that you come to your own epiphany about why you should stick around.
Maybe, you’ll really enjoy writing, and you find that getting your thoughts down into creative words does the trick.
Maybe it’s drawing. Sewing. Knitting. Photography. Taking walks. Working out. Watching your favorite movies. Cooking. Painting. Being near trees. Learning. Window shopping.
It can be *anything.* There are so many endless, endless things that you can discover, and can find that you absolutely positively love to do, that will bring you back up out of your depths, and revive your spark for life. If you’re by yourself for the most part, there should be plenty of time available for you to experiment. Talk to either one of your parents you have a good relationship with; or maybe another family member, in case you need help paying for anything that may require buying to find out. Maybe try to get a job you enjoy, so you can earn it yourself. Whatever you feel would work the best for you. <3
The trick here, is to find something you can be extremely enthusiastic about. To discover your passion. Something you feel proud showing off. Something you can’t wait to do again as soon as you put it down. Something you will very happily learn more about, teach yourself more for, and really fly past all the others who only do that kind of thing on occasion.
I can guarantee you that it works. This blog wouldn’t exist otherwise. :]
So please.. before you give up.. before you rule yourself out of life.. before you lose the rest of the hope you have left.. try to find your ‘thing’ for you. Allow yourself as many tries as you need. You probably won’t discover it the first time, or even the second or third. It’ll take a few experiments to find out what it is you really love. But once you find it.. you’ll know. And the trip to happiness will hardly seem like you have to work at it at all, afterwards. :) <3
Anonymous asked (1/25/2012 1:29PM):
You didn’t answer my question, did you? xD…I’m the anon who told you about my class. Bye <3
Ummm.. I’m trying to remember, but I don’t think I ever got that question. :( I only have one other un-answered anon in my inbox right now, and that one doesn’t mention a class. You looked through the messages archive? And it’s not in there? :((
Bah, I hate it when that happens. :/ I’m sorry! It’s not either of our faults, really, but I’m still sorry. :( If you felt up to sending it again, I’ll be happy to help you!
Anonymous asked (1/25/2012 1:40PM):
I feel that everything I once believed in was all fake. Like how my father was so great…
That really, really is earthshatteringly miserable to experience, isn’t it. :(
It’s completely natural to be hurt if you feel that way. Absolutely. I’d actually be surprised if you weren’t, even if you don’t know that it’s all fake for sure.
*Do* you know for sure? Are you close enough to being sure, that you may as well just be sure?
Because if that’s the case, and you’re not going through this needlessly.. suddenly realizing that your old beliefs were not what you thought they were is extremely similar to suffering from a bad breakup. Your heart still breaks. It still shatters your sense of self. You still feel extremely hurt, and you still wonder how you’ll ever feel okay again.
Which also means, you can recover from it in the same way. Although, it may be quite difficult at first, as beliefs are entirely mental, and the slightest mental trigger could bring it all back and hurt you all over again; but it’s far from impossible. It *is* achievable. You can try to focus your mind on other things, to obtain new beliefs. To accept that it wasn’t what you assumed it was, and to allow yourself to grow from it, the ‘now I know better’ mindset. You are stronger now. You will be much stronger as you continue to move on. It’s how the human mind works. <3
Of course, that stage of starting to move on is always the hardest. Because, you need to find yourself *wanting* to. Truly wanting to. You have to want to move on, to recover, to accept that the truth is now known, you can’t change it, and that you can still be your own person regardless. I, unfortunately, can’t help you want to. I can only give you guiding words. But, once you do, you’ll find yourself so much happier and so much stronger - albeit, always a little scarred - and that, at least in my opinion, would make it all worth it. <3
Anonymous asked (1/26/2012 9:38PM):
my heart is broken and i have no idea what to do. I really love him and he just push me away. He said that he love me but next what he say to me was that he cant do that anymore. wtf? i dont understand. How i get over it??
There’s not anything *to* understand there, unfortunately. :( That, to me, sounds like the typical case of someone afraid of his own emotions, afraid of emotional commitment, and as soon as he admitted his feelings were that strong he wanted to run away from it. And so, he did. It has nothing to do with you whatsoever; it merely means that he was not yet mature enough to handle that kind of devotion to another person.
How to get over him, though, unfortunately is not so simple. :( Especially when the separation was so sudden and so unexpected. The best thing I can suggest to you though, is the same thing I suggest to anyone else suffering from heartbreak: spend as little time with him, in any way, shape or form, as possible, and spend as much as you can with yourself instead. If he doesn’t want to do it anymore, fine; you don’t have to, either. Block him everywhere you have him online - yes, everywhere, not just defriending, but full out blocking - remove his number from your phone, try your best to change your daily paths if possible, to avoid running into him.. the whole point here is to remove any and all temptations to check up on him, and reminders of what you two shared together, so flat out avoiding him and any places that may remind you of him is essential. At least, until the feelings are gone; then, you may return to normal. And as for the second part, take as much time to yourself as you can. Spend time with your thoughts. Spend time alone, doing something you know you enjoy, you know you will be absorbed in and you know will pass the time. Allow yourself to remember that there are things in this life other than what he was to you, that other things can make you happy, that you don’t need him at all, and that there are people who will come to you in your future who *are* right for you - friends, future boyfriends, anybody at all. You don’t need him. You don’t want him, either. You may not believe that right now, but once the feelings start to fade, you will realize how much of a jerk he is, how much you didn’t deserve it, and how glad you are that you’re not in that situation anymore. You deserve someone better, someone who knows what love truly is and isn’t afraid of it. The trick is just repairing yourself enough to be ready to accept that kind of situation whenever it may come your way. :]
Anonymous asked (1/26/2012 9:52PM):
i love this guy, but i don’t know if he likes me. i told him, but it’s complicated to explain.
Well, if you feel it’s too complex to easily tell me in a message, maybe you could try to tell him again? And this time, try to work up the strength to ask him for a clear response in return. Try to tell him, you think you deserve that much, so that you know whether to keep up the hope, or whether you should move on, and you would very much appreciate it if he could help you with that.
Of course, you don’t need to be quite so blunt with it; you can use it in your own words, be much kinder, etc. But, point being, try to do what you can to get a direct, straight ‘I do’ or ‘I don’t’ answer from him, so that you’ll know for sure.
And then, you can go from there. :)
If he gives you neither, an ‘I don’t know’, or something along those lines, then suggest going out for a date, just one date, so that maybe it can help him make up his mind, so he’ll be able to tell you then. I’m sure he can relate with not wanting to be led on, and that is a relatively reasonable suggestion, which he *should* agree to. If there are complications, and he hesitates at all, or says ‘I don’t know’ to that as well, then that probably means he’s not interested, and doesn’t want to ‘be mean’ and come out and say it. Hesitation and indecisiveness, in situations like this, usually mean no. But, if he is an honest person, and respects you as a person, you shouldn’t have to worry about that. :]
And if not, well then, maybe you should be looking towards finding someone else to give your heart to anyway. ;] Much easier said than done, I understand that.. but you don’t need to be with someone who won’t give you a flat out, honest answer. Don’t you think?
If you think you need any more help on the situation, love, don’t hesitate to message me again, okay? <3
Anonymous asked (1/28/2012 1:50PM):
HAHAHAHA YOUR BLOG IS SUCH A LOAD OF HIPSTER SHIT XD
Actually, my blog is a culmination of the submissions from other people that are currently at the top of my list, and if they happen to fall into the ‘hipster’ category at this point in time, then so be it. Every reason here is a legit reason for somebody, somewhere, out there, and if it may not be for you, then either look through the master list for something else (there are almost 400 here after all), or just sit patiently, and something you feel is more for you should show up soon. :)
Although, it is a sad thing that you choose to automatically judge and make fun of both me and the submissions here without stopping to think about it. Quit with the hate, stop being so judgmental, be more understanding. You’ll find yourself becoming much happier.
Anonymous asked (1/29/2012 8:03PM):
I find myself unmoved by your reasons.
Well, to each their own, really. Only a handful of these could be called ‘my’ reasons anyhow. ;]
You’re not expected to be moved by what’s posted here. After all, there are beyond countless reasons out there for countless amounts of people, so many that it would be impossible for me to make a graphic out of every single one of them. Something out there must be a reason for you. I just probably haven’t posted it yet.
And that’s fine! Nobody’s forcing you to stick around here or like what I do. That’s the beauty of the internet, don’t you think? If you want to hang around and see if anything comes up you can relate to, great! If you’d rather forget you even came here, that’s great too! It’s up to you. Free will at its best. :)
Just try not to sound so accusing the next time you message somebody.
iwouldmeasuretwice asked (1/29/2012 9:03PM):
I absolutely love your blog! So many reasons make me smile, and it’s wonderful how much effort you put into finding just the right image. They always fit the reason perfectly!! Keep making people smile and love being alive!
I normally answer these messages privately, but there’s no reason why only the negative messages should be published lately. :)
Thank you so much for sending something so beautiful! Every time someone’s appreciative enough to say so, I get the biggest smile on my face. For serious. :) I’m so glad it all makes you so happy! And that you see all the work I put into it too, to be honest. :] I hope I’m always able to continue putting smiles on faces like yours! <3
Never stop being an absolute sweetheart!
Anonymous asked (1/31/2012 4:58PM):
Do you know if there is a twitter account like this blog?
Honestly, I have no idea. :O
But, if I get enough people asking me to make one, I’ll make one and run it alongside the blog. :D
Anonymous asked (1/31/2012 5:01PM):
LOVE LOVE LOVE this blog !
Thank you!! :D <33
Anonymous asked (1/31/2012 6:03PM):
Well, me and my boyfriend have been dating for a while now and now he’s in jail for something minor but I went from seeing him everyday, to absolutely nothing. Any advice to help me get through it? :(
Oh that absolutely sucks, doesn’t it. :(
Well, the first question here, is are the both of you still interested in seeing each other? And I mean, completely sure, confident in still wanting to be with one another. If that’s the case - or if you want it to be the case - then maybe be a little more creative in your visits?
I’m not sure what’ll be allowed in a prison, or how you’re allowed to visit him (I’ve never been in one :( ), but maybe you can start making cute little things to give to him. Are you allowed to make him food? Or give him anything at all? Maybe you can write him love letters, about how your day’s going, how much you miss him and all the lovely things you two will do once he’s out? Give them to him in person, send them in the mail.. I’m sure he still gets letters in the mail, at least.. if you’re allowed to give him things, there are lots of creative little gifts you could make for him, and even if you can’t give them to him now, make them anyway and tell him about them, so that he’ll have something to look forward to. (or not, if you want to keep the surprise). Just, little heartfelt things like that, so that you refresh your feelings for him, he remember how much he cares for you, and the both of you will become happy to see each other again, be with each other, visit as much as possible.. just a little reinvigoration is all you need, I think. :]
I’m sure you can get through the rest of his time, no problem. <3 How much longer does he have to go? Because, really, you could just try to think of it as a long-distance relationship. The communication is limited, true, but people can *certainly* make it through those just fine; sometimes without talking to their loved one in over a week. They’re not easy to get through either, but if you take on that mentality instead of a sad feeling, lonely one, you yourself will feel a lot stronger about getting through it in one piece. <3
Anonymous asked (1/31/2012 6:27PM):
Hey, I know I don’t know you or anything.. But I’m just feeling so weird. I think about stuff. Cutting. Suiside. I get scared so easily. I need help. I have my mom… But she’ll think I’m crazy. You better not. ;)
You don’t need to know me. :)
And even better, I don’t think you’re crazy. <3
Funnily enough, I helped someone else with this same situation a little bit ago. And I’ll tell you the same thing I suggested to her: even if you think people might think you’re nuts, open up to people anyhow. Find someone you trust, who you’re very close to and comfortable with. A favorite teacher, a counselor, a pastor, a friend’s parent, a friend.. your mom sounds like the best choice here, so I would say your top choice would be her. But, whoever you choose to tell you need to allow to actually help you, after telling them is over. And, they need to have the power to do something about it. Which is even more of a good reason why I would say to tell your mom.
I do have to tell you, though, how proud I am of you for realizing that you need help to get through this in the first place. :) So many people don’t; they’re scared to, they don’t think they need it, they’re to angry to.. there are lots of reasons why people do that. So, I’m very, very glad that you think this way. <3 And, in all likelihood, so would your mom. I don’t think she’ll think you’re crazy at all. I think she’ll be a mom, and do what she can to help you, and find help for you. And even if she doesn’t, I’m sure you have the option of going to talk to a school counselor, if all else fails.
Regardless, the point here is, don’t keep it in. Those thoughts can do nasty things to you if they’re kept trapped inside. Find someone to talk to about them, and find someone soon. Speak honestly, openly, without fear of judgement.. those peoples’ jobs are to help you through it. So, hey, not to worry, love.. even now, you’re in good hands. :) <3
Anonymous asked (1/31/2012 9:03PM):
i miss my ex-boyfriend. we’ve both grown a lot since we were dating, and we’re like best friends now. i wanna tell him, but it seems like the only way to stay in his life, is as a friend. besides, i might think he’s got a crush on someone else.. tell him or not?
Well that’s an unfortunate situation. :(
Even more unfortunate, is that in this specific situation, I don’t think you should tell him. Befriending an ex this closely usually leaves you in a delicate type of relationship, that could easily go down the gutter if one of you develops feelings again and the other doesn’t, even if you both try not to let it ruin your friendship. Yes, there is a possibility of him feeling the same way, but think of it this way: do you like where he is now, as a best friend, or do you think it would be worth risking his friendship in order to obtain a potential romantic relationship?
I mean.. I know that sounds terrible, but some people just don’t take that news well, and it sounds as if he’s firmly set on the ‘friends only’ role. If I were you, I wouldn’t want to risk it, and I’d be just as satisfied being as close to him as I could be.
Getting over your feelings for him, though, with him as close as he is, isn’t going to be easy. :( You won’t be able to isolate him from your life at all, and will be with him and around him all the time.. I suppose, you can just try to filter your thoughts of romantic fondness for him, into thoughts of platonic fondness. Try your best to transfer your feelings into a friends-only mindset, and even if that leaves you always feeling *something* for him, it won’t hurt you anymore. If any of what I’m saying makes sense? I hope it does, it’s kind of an abstract concept. But, in your situation, it’s what I think would be the best thing to do. <3
Best of luck to you sweetheart, that’s not something easy to get through. But I have full confidence that you’ll be able to, and that you’ll be completely happy in the process, and with the outcome. :)
Anonymous asked (2/01/2012 2:59AM):
youre like the bestes person alive jajajaja (:
Oh stop it, I am not. *sheepish* :3 It’s people like you who send sweet things like this who are the best people alive. C: <3
Thank you for being so lovely though!
Anonymous asked (2/01/2012 9:40PM):
I thought there already would be one but i guess there isn’t (or no one knows about them..) so I made a twitter account like this blog, It’s @theprettyworld :D
You did? :O Oh that’s so lovely of you! Thank you! <3
I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! I’ve already followed you on my account. :]
And, for anyone else who may be interested, @theprettyworld. :)
Anonymous asked (2/01/2012 9:46PM):
I just started viewing your blog and I already love it. <3 Keep up the amazing work. <3
This kind of thing is always so amazing to hear. :D <3
Thank you so much, not only for appreciating it so much, but for letting me know! It never fails to make my day. :)) Never let anything keep you from smiling! <33
Anonymous asked (2/01/2012 10:58PM):
I recently started reading your blog, and honestly, your blog has made me so much happier. I’m a lot less depressed than usual, and I even haven’t had suicidal thoughts in awhile like I used to. When I read your blog, I actually sit here, smiling. Everything else in my life goes away, and your blog distracts me from my crappy life and makes me so much happier. You should be so proud of yourself. Keep up the great work!
You know, I keep saying this, but honestly, it really is the reactions like this that make every single thing I do here so worth it. If it weren’t for you, and everyone else here, if it weren’t for what I do here, I seriously wouldn’t be as happy as I am nowadays either. This project has changed my entire life, like you have no idea. :D I mean honestly, I could just be walking from one class to the next during the day, think about anything concerning this blog, and just get this huge smile on my face. It’s so hugely amazing and unbelievable, the impact this has had on both my life and the lives of so many others.
And I’m just a normal person like you! Can you imagine? :D
Thank you, love! Really! I could be thanking you for impacting my life just as much as you’re thanking me. And that, YOU should be proud of. :)) <3
Anonymous asked (2/02/2012 2:07PM):
I seriously feel like nothing can make me happy anymore :/
Well hon, there are a couple of things you should ask yourself.. why do you think that is? Has something happened recently? Not recently, but is still bothering you? A culmination of things? Is it the lack of anything happening that’s getting to you? Maybe things haven’t changed that need to? Do you like what you do, for work, for school, with your friends, in your free time?
Once you can pinpoint what it is exactly that’s bothering you, even if it’s a great deal of things, then the process of recovery, and finding the happiness that’s already within you, will be found to be so much easier.
But, if you can’t pinpoint it, if you’re really not sure, if it’s too complicated to figure out.. anything at all like that.. well, you can still find snippets of happiness even then. Like if you walk outside, and find the weather is unusually warm today. Or, you walk outside to find it’s unusually cold, but you bundled up well, and feel warm and toasty anyway. If you see a hawk flying high up in the sky. When you see the first blossom that indicates spring is coming. That feeling of accomplishment and freedom you get when all your homework is done. Just, little sights, little feelings, little realizations that all lead to such huge appreciation for life, that no matter how messed up or hopeless seeming the rest of your life is, you always have those little things to fall back on, to feel such uninhibited happiness for.
I really hope that this helps you, somehow, love. Every single person on this planet deserves to be happy. You are of no exception. <3
Anonymous asked (2/02/2012 5:36PM):
I swear you seem like the most genuine , kind , honest person ever , i so wish i had those amazing qualities you have ! And i love your blog , it really makes me smile and kinda makes my day go better ! And btw where are you from ? I’m from Belgium haha not that you care but i just wanted to tell you that so you know that you have alot of amazing people following your blog :D
The more you beautiful people message me, the more I feel like just crying out of pure happiness. I don’t think you guys realize how happy I am for this entire idea to be succeeding so strongly. I had NO idea it’d ever be this powerful! None at all! <3
I’m from Pennsylvania, which is on the East Coast of America, if you’re not sure where that is. :] It’s wonderful that you’re from Belgium! It boggles my mind to think that all this has even gone international! (Although common sense tells me that of course it would, since this is the internet, but the me part of me is still in awe from everything and anything this blog is related to. It’s so incredibly unbelievable. :D )
Anonymous asked (2/02/2012 9:02PM):
Recently I found out the one of my friends was talking to the same guy i just stopped talking to you. Yeah I do still have feelings for him & she was well aware of it. She eventually talked to me about it, and that next day they hung out. Everything she said to me was a complete lie, her actions were way out of control. Were in the same group of friends so of course no one is really taking sides. I guess i just wanted to see what your opinion was on the situation..
Hm. :( My opinion on that situation, my honest opinion, is to pull her aside and talk to her, really talk to her, and tell her you’re not a fan of what she’s doing, that at the very least she should respect you enough to tell you the truth about what she’s doing.. of course, it would be ideal if she would stop altogether, especially since she knows you still have feelings for him, but if she starts being honest with you and telling you the truth about her actions with him, then there’s still a chance to salvage your friendship. It doesn’t sound like the two of you were that close to begin with.. and with her doing this, it seems to me like it’s an extremely fast, one-way ticket to never be your friend again, because doing that and completely disregarding you is absolutely not what friends should ever do to each other. You don’t have to hate her for it.. but if you talk to her, and she doesn’t listen, or she lies to you again, then honestly, you don’t want her as a friend anyhow. That indicates such disrespect and disloyalty towards you, and you don’t need to let anyone like that close to you. You can still hang out with her if you have to, since you say you’re in the same circle of friends, and you can still be civil towards her just so that you don’t stir up drama, but don’t let her in as an individual friend of yours. Someone like that will only bring problems to your life.
I know it’s not a pleasant opinion, but it’s my honest opinion. I hope I was able to help you out somehow, dearie; if you feel I came to the wrong conclusion, then by all means tell me, and I’ll correct my response accordingly. But as it is, what I think stands, and I wish you the best of luck towards getting rid of whatever causes the bad in your life. <3
Anonymous asked (2/02/2012 9:22PM):
i dont know where to start
If I knew your story, maybe I could help you with that. :]
But since I don’t, well, the best way to start is just with the little things. Try to calm your mind from whatever it is that’s bothering you. Try to control it, instead of letting it control you. If you feel a sad thought coming on - sad, angry, hopeless, frustrated, anything at all of that sort - instead, replace it with something happy. Look forward to the food you’ll eat once you get home for the day. Instead of sighing about the work you need to do, look forward to getting it done, because once it is you’ll be free to do whatever you want. Plan a movie night for yourself. Take yourself out for ice cream. Treat yourself, pamper yourself, praise yourself, constantly tell yourself how wonderful you are, and before you even realize it, you’ll find yourself becoming happier. :]
It’s unrealistic to try to take big leaps and bounds at once. Baby steps are always the best way to start. <3
Anonymous asked (2/02/2012 9:23PM):
I need advice but this box won’t let me tell you my whole story. )=
Hmmm, well, maybe I’ll enable submits only for this blog, so that people like you can share what they wish, without having to worry about text limits. <3
Anonymous asked (2/02/2012 9:26PM):
if i messaged you off anon, would you answer privately?
Of course I would. :] I never publish personal messages, unless I’m asked to directly. <3
Anonymous asked (2/02/2012 9:27PM):
I was just on omegle talking to someone who said they wanted to end their life. I don’t know if they were serious but I gave them the name of your blog. Even if it doesn’t help that one person, you should know you have saved lives. You’re doing an amazing thing. Keep it up <3
This. Just, this.
I don’t even have words for something as beautiful as this.
Anonymous asked (2/02/2012 9:50PM):
Is it bad that I cannot cry anymore??
Not at all. <3
It’s not wrong to cry, and it’s not wrong to not cry. It just depends on what kind of person you are, and whether or not you like to, or even need to.
I personally find that crying, no matter who you are, is immensely therapeutic.. but, it all depends on who you are, and it is neither a good nor a bad thing. It’s just you. :]
Anonymous asked (2/02/2012 10:13PM):
I need to cry, and I know that. I just can’t do it.
Well, you know, there’s nothing wrong with being able to or not being able to, either. Even if you feel like you need to. That is very likely just your body’s own conditioning, due to the environment you were raised in, and it is not your fault. <3
The good news is, if you really try to figure yourself out, and recondition yourself, you could learn to cry again, and be free to do it whenever you feel you need to. It’s not gone for good. :)
I’m not sure how much I will be able to help you in discovering yourself, however. Only you know every detail about your life, your environment, your future, where you’ve been, where you’re going. Truly, it is something that is the most effective when done on your own. <3
Anonymous asked (2/02/2012 10:26PM):
i have this HUUUGGGGGEEEEE crush on my best friend. what do i do????? i want to tell him but i don’t want to ruin our relationship. ive also heard rumors that he likes me but i dont know if they are tru…
I think, that the best thing you can try to do, is to tell him you need to talk to him, sit him down, and just come right out and tell him. Make sure you’re gentle about it, but confident, and that if he doesn’t feel the same way, that’s perfectly fine, you won’t pressure him to do anything he doesn’t want to do; you just wanted to get it off your chest. As your best friend, he should understand perfectly, and be able to tell you how he truly feels in return without worrying about hurting you; and no matter what either of you say, your friendship should not be ruined.
It may be immensely hard to make yourself do, and you may not be as calm and confident about it as you would like to be, but if you’re clear on the fact that you still want to be his friend even if he doesn’t feel the same way, and are even more clear that you will be perfectly willing to accept whatever it is he has to say, then your friendship should still stay intact. Even if you’re nervous. <3
That is the best way to handle it that I know of. You don’t want to ask around to see if he likes you, you don’t want to work yourself up or get overly obsessed about the situation.. you want to handle it as maturely as you can. If you handle it like that, then you should also feel ready to handle whatever the outcome may be, whether it’s what you want or not. That kind of behavior is contagious. :]
Anonymous asked (2/02/2012 10:31PM):
I’m reallly scared.. how seriously can a tylenol overdose hurt you? I wasn’t thinking and just took like 30 pills. :/ but idk.
I just looked it up.. you need to get yourself to a hospital, right now. I hate to say it completely un-sugarcoated, but in extreme situations, tylenol overdose can be fatal. Any consequences that may come from it with your loved ones are much better to deal with than a potential fatal result, so, seriously, call 911 right now and tell them you need help. Call it accidental, on purpose, a bout of panic or desperation, tell the truth, whatever it is you need to do right now; but don’t think about what it is you’re going to say. Concentrate right now on saving your own life. Please, be brave enough to face it. <3
Anonymous asked (2/02/2012 11:00PM):
why do you put so many tags at the bottom of all your picture? i don’t think anyone tracks “24 hour greek restaurants” :|
Well no, but I’ve been doing that for every single post up until now, and since they’re easy enough to delete if you don’t want them on a reblog, I’ve found no reason to stop. ;]
Plus, the more common ones *do* help me to be found. I actually get a lot of hits from those. :] It’s a very subtle way to continue to get more out there. Plus, every tag I add is related to their particular post, so hey, it’s not hurting anything. :)
Anonymous asked (2/03/2012 12:37AM):
How can I hide the cuts when I change for gym?
Actually, knowing how restrictive gym classes are, I’m not sure how you’d be able to hide them. :[ Are you allowed to wear long sleeves, or hoodies? Are there few enough to get away with just putting bandaids on? Are they faint enough to cover them in foundation? Can you change in a bathroom stall?
If they’re not.. if you can’t.. then I’d actually suggest being brave, and going to your teacher to ask them how you can do so, without enduring the reactions you’d get from your classmates. Of course, the consequences from that would be having the nurse told, and potentially your principal and parents.. but, you have to consider which one you would rather face.
That would just be the situation for your current cuts. For future ones.. think about what the consequences could be - the reactions from your friends, classmates, teachers, parents - versus the feeling you get from cutting. Try your hardest to make caring for those you love important enough, that no matter how magnetic the wish to draw that blade against your skin is, you’ll be able to put it down and walk away. You don’t want to make new cuts. You really want to try your best to stop. <3
I just want you to take care of yourself, dearie. Hurting yourself on purpose does not fall under that category. :(
Anonymous asked (2/06/2012 4:50PM):
You should de.f be a psychologue or something like that , you -seem- to be really good at giving advice and listening to people ! :) And your blog always puts a smile on my face , not only because of the things you post but also just the way you reply to messages and everything ! Please keep being the amazing person you are <3
Well if this isn’t a beautiful message. :D <3
The funny thing is, if I wasn’t a second semester college senior, and if I had discovered I had that talent much sooner, I probably would have switched my major so I could actually become one. It’s still technically possible, with a lot of schooling, but financially it’s unrealistic, so I’ll stick with just doing it for free here for anyone who wants to come to me. :]
But back to the point, thank you so much for sending me this! It really made me so happy to hear and put me in a great mood. :D I hope to be able to make up for the inactivity soon! ^^;; <3
Anonymous asked (2/06/2012 10:21PM):
I was the one with the whole friend talking to a guy i stopped talking to and i reallly appreciated your opinion. I guess when most of my friends tried explaining it to me, we all got heated up and started yelling. I would concider talking to her, but what she has done has reeally made me upset. I’m not gonna say it on here cause its quite disturbing. I just don’t understand why she trys to talk to me like nothing has happened. She acts like I’m stupid or something.
Oohh good. <3 Yeah, people who do that kind of thing really tend to have absolutely no idea what they’re doing to other people. Their mindset it quite selfish, really. All they can think about is their own feelings and what they want.
If it’s made you that upset, dearie, then just don’t talk to her anymore at all. <3 If any other your other friends have anything to say about it, you can just say it’s between the two of you, not their business, and you’re still the same person and you still love them. They may be upset that your friendship fell apart with the other girl, and that’s perfectly understandable, but they should *not* be angry with you about it. It’s really not their business. They can’t force you to be friends with her, they can’t force her to stop doing what she’s doing. It is what it is, and if they’re your real friends, they’ll understand and still love you.
I really hope it goes well for you, dearie. It would be truly terrible to lose all your friends over something like this. If they’re mature and respectful enough, it should all go relatively smoothly. <3
And I’m still sorry about what the other girl did to you. You never deserved that, ever. :(
Anonymous asked (2/06/2012 10:33PM):
I just happened to find your blog today, and I love it! It’s so beautiful, and I think you’re an amazing person for doing this. Thank you for brightening my day!!
Well. :DD Thank you so much!!
I hope to get to making new reasons come tomorrow! I’ve barely been able to log on all weekend, and I have a lot of messages to answer. :C So I hope you’re still sticking around! ^^;;
I’m extremely honored that you sent this in the first place, though. :) That feeling of happiness whenever someone sends in a message like this never gets old. <3
Anonymous asked (2/06/2012 11:30PM):
I just looked through all 42 pages of your blog and I realized how MANY things there are to love and be grateful for…. Thank you.
And that is exactly why this blog is around. :) Thank YOU for giving it purpose! <3
Anonymous asked (2/06/2012 11:42PM):
my dad constantly is putting me down, telling me how I’ll never be good enough, that I’m worthless, that I will never amount to anything. sometimes he hits me. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he doesn’t listen. he constantly causes me to cry and basically hate being home and hate life. I want to be positive, and learn to love life again, but it’s like I’m stuck in a really deep dark well and I can’t get out. help me?
Honey, in a situation like that, the people you really want to be going to are the police. He should *not* be treating you like that, especially if he EVER hits you, and his behavior warrants arrest for child abuse, honestly. They actually have the power to get you out of there, and make him stop abusing you, which the power of kind words and positive thoughts can never do. They can help you, and yes, they can save your life, but when someone else is posing a physical threat to you, and when you can’t get away from whatever type of abuse they may be doing to you, something else needs to step in.
Honestly, I have no idea how to go about it; I’ve never done anything like that myself. But, you’ll want to talk to them as soon as you can, and you’ll want to tell anyone else you possibly can as well. Your friends, teachers, friends’ parents, your other family.. the more people who know about it, the more protected you will be and the better off you will end up.
And once he’s gone and out of your life.. once you’re free of him.. *that’s* when you can start learning to be positive and love life again, truly. <3 Or more accurately, that’s when you can do it, and not have someone bringing you back further than you just progressed on a daily basis.
I really, really hope you get out of his grip, and SOON, sweetie. :( It makes me sick to think that you’re still trapped there. Just keep telling yourself.. it won’t last forever. You don’t deserve a BIT of this. You will not be ashamed. And, most importantly, it *will* all get better. <3
Anonymous asked (2/07/2012 12:03AM):
my best friend has left me, I get ridiculed at school and my parents hate me. starving myself and cutting are my only releases. I don’t know what to do anymore
The very first thing you need to try to learn to do, is to tell yourself that other peoples’ opinions of you aren’t what define you. YOU define you. You, and only you. Nobody else has the right, or the ability, to influence you in such a way. Only you.
And with that as your foundation, you can tackle pretty much anything. Your best friend left you.. well, they weren’t much of a friend then, were they. You’re better off without someone like that, someone who doesn’t have true loyalty to you. You don’t need that. They may have left you, and in doing so, they did you a favor. And, you still have yourself. The same thought process applies to getting bullied. They *want* you to feel miserable. They *want* you to feel hopeless, hated, depressed. It’s how they gain their power. Don’t let them! The best way to shove it back in their faces is to just keep smiling throughout it all. Let them say what they want to you, but don’t let it get to you. They don’t exist to you. Those words don’t matter to you. Their attempts can’t even begin to penetrate a towering pillar of strength such as yourself. You’re so much better than their pettiness.
And as for your parents.. if they have never flat out said ‘I hate you’ to you, then I wouldn’t assume that they do. A great deal of parents just have odd, twisted ways of showing affection. That is not meant to undermine your current situation, I just want to put that out there as a possibility. But, you know what.. even your parents can’t influence you. Not if you don’t let them. They’re only bullies, like those ones at school, except for needing to acknowledge them. You are you. You are strong. You are unbreakable. Nothing gets in that you don’t let in. Their words bounce off of you like you were made of rubber. They don’t change your mind about how beautiful and how much of an amazing individual you are.
You may think I’m crazy.. but if you start repeating things like that to yourself, day after day, when you think bad thoughts, when you’re treated bad ways, before you know it, you will start to believe it. And then, you will have successfully reached the next part of loving yourself, and you will have the attitude needed to repel every single cruel thing anyone ever tries to say to you. It may require some practice, but, the important thing to remember is that it’s not impossible. In fact, it’s highly probable.
After all, no matter who comes and goes in your life, no matter what people say or don’t say.. you still, always, *always* have yourself.
Anonymous asked (2/07/2012 4:34PM):
hello :) i’m german, but i hope you understand my bad english. i just wanted to say “thank you” for this beautiful blog. whenever i feel bad, i come here and then, i feel a little bit more happy :) and i think it is a really, really great thing that you do with this advice blog, it’s admirable! thank you very much. :) and the last thing: i saw some of the photos you posted here, you’re really pretty :) best wishes from germany <3
Your English actually isn’t bad at all! :)
You are very welcome! Although, really, you don’t need to thank me, I enjoy doing this just as much as you enjoy visiting it. :)) And I’m more than happy to be able to help people on the side as well!
Well thank you! ^^ I really hope to catch up here with the message answering soon, haha. :3 I hope you never stop being a sweetheart! <3
Anonymous asked (2/07/2012 9:35PM):
the one i love doesn’t love me back.
Well, in that case, I hate to say it, but the only thing you can realistically do is try your best to get over them. :[
I don’t know how easy it is to do, since I don’t know your exact situation.. but you’ll want to distance yourself from them as much as possible. You’ll want to avoid talking to them, seeing them, messaging them, checking up on their online profiles, texting them.. in fact, flat out block them wherever it’s possible to do so. Just ‘defriending’ them isn’t enough.. remove the temptation to even go look. More or less, you’ll want to completely remove them from your life as much as you can.
I know that sounds heartless, but, it’s the fastest way I know of to recover from that kind of heartbreak. :[ Because after that’s all taken care of, after they’re removed as much as possible, you’ll find it infinitely easier to focus on yourself, your friends, and your loved ones, everybody who is still in your life and still cares for you. In other words, the ones who will help you recover, and become yourself again. It is entirely possible to do so yourself, of course, but having a support group like that makes it so much easier, so if you have one.. appreciate it, love. <3
I really hope that at least gives you a place to start. Recovering from that kind of pain is never easy to do. :(
Anonymous asked (2/08/2012 1:23AM):
I really like this guy, but I am so shy around him he doesnt even know what im like. How can I get him to know the real, not boring me? Thanks (:
Hmmm. Maybe, if you’re too shy to speak to him, you can write what you think and feel in a letter, and hand it to him? :]
You can ask him to read it then, and either right there or written in the letter ask him to talk to you about it, to tell you truthfully whether he’s interested or not, or curious in trying to start something with you, and you can explain how shy you are and how much you would like to try something.. in spoken words, I know exactly what you mean about being too shy, but in the written word, it’s much easier to get out how you truly feel, and explain why you’re doing what you’re doing and what you’re interested in trying to do.
I think that would be a lovely Valentine’s Day idea, actually. :) I don’t commend spending money for that holiday, not at all, but a day devoted to love is an excellent excuse to do something special or something you normally wouldn’t have the guts to do, so hey, it doesn’t hurt to try, right? :] The worst he can do is turn you down - gently, hopefully - and leave you needing to move on. But, that’s not impossible, at all, and it’s much better knowing for sure than never telling him and forever wondering what could have been.
And we both know what the best that can happen is. He could very well be interested in getting to know you after that. :) <3
Anonymous asked (2/08/2012 1:26AM):
hi! i just wanted to say thank you for making this blog. i really wanted to end my life, but after awhile i overcame that thought. now i learn how to appreciate the small things around me. most reasons you have listed here are the reasons why i’m grateful to be alive, i’m glad i’m still alive to appreciate these things. life truly is beautiful! thank you for showing me that.
You are MORE than welcome, my dear. :))
What other reason would this blog be here for? ^^ <3
Anonymous asked (2/08/2012 3:12AM):
i just wanted to let you know - my boyfriend has been having a lot of trouble dealing with intense depression and family issues lately, and i was truly scared for him and what could happen. looking for some way to help, i printed out nearly every single post of your blog and turned it into a scrapbook and gave it to him and he absolutely loved it and tells me it was the greatest present anyone’s ever given him. thank you so much for helping me save him! this project of yours is amazing. <3
And this right here is one of the most beautiful messages I’ve ever gotten, and one of the most beautiful reasons why I always do my best to make time to work on this, no matter how busy I am. <333
Although really, if you hadn’t shown it to him, he never would have seen this, so I think you’re more to credit here than me. You’re the one who had the idea to inspire him through what was already available to you. :))
So really, I should be thanking *you* for continuing to spread the word, the idea, and the inspiration behind this blog. You’re such a beautiful being, thank you so much. :) <3
Anonymous asked (2/08/2012 3:35AM):
Please help me! I’m so sad and oh my god. my cat is dying. he’s my everything. i love him so much but he is ill and i don’t know what he have. the doc said that he would be okay in a few hours cause he gave him an injection but now he lies and doesn’t eat or drink anything. i don’t want that he dies. :(( he’s my baby. i have him for 17 years. omg please say what can i do? I can live without him.. but i don’t know what i can do to help him. i love him so much. my little cat. my everything. thanks
Oh man, this really hits close to home. I’m gonna be facing this situation really soon with my dog, who I love more than absolutely anything, so honestly, facing this type of situation is still rather foreign to me. I’ve kind of been avoiding thinking about it. :/
But, what I will suggest for you to do, is what I am trying to do myself. Don’t worry yourself right now; don’t panic, don’t associate yourself to anything negative right now at all. Spend as much time as you possibly can with him, give him all of your love, make sure he’s alright and not in pain, make him as happy as you can, do everything you know he loves. Because, as much as it’ll hurt to hear, it really sounds to me like his time is fast approaching. :[
Which, for all the sadness that brings, is really quite a good thing. That means he lived 17 years of a happy, comfortable, safe, protected, extremely fulfilled life, all thanks to you and your family. That means he has been extremely healthy all his life, in order for old age to be the thing that gets him. It means that he lived his entire life as happy as you could possibly make him, and that in order to continue that, you may need to learn how to let him go. You don’t want to force him to stay in this world longer than he needs to if he’s in pain, if he’s suffering more than enjoying his life anymore. You’ll want to realistically talk with your family about the time when he’ll need to be put down, so they can be there for you early, and so you’ll start accepting the idea now, so you won’t be as heartbroken as you would be otherwise. You’ll want to be there with him when it happens, so that he feels comfortable and safe and loved, as he has his entire life. And you’ll want to let yourself grieve openly and be as mournful about it as long as you’ll need to, as much as you’ll need to, but at the same time, try to turn it into a positive outlook. If he may not be around anymore, well, he’s been around for 17 years of your life. He’s been alive, well, and happy for that entire time. You’ve given him the greatest gift anyone can give their pet, and for that, feel happy. Feel relieved. Feel proud. Let yourself smile at his memories, knowing that you and your love made him as happy as he could possibly be.
I know all that is extremely hard to do in the heartbreak of losing a beloved pet, and I know that really isn’t what you wanted to hear, but denying the reality of the situation, denying it to yourself, is only going to hurt you more later on. We all wish our pets could be invincible and immortal. :[ But they’re not. That’s what life is. Death, really, is just a part of life, and in my opinion, should be celebrated as much as a birth. Don’t mourn the fact that your loved one is no longer around.. celebrate that they once were, and celebrate and appreciate their lives.
But, regardless of whether you believe that or not, it’s never not okay to cry as much as you feel like you need to. <3
Anonymous asked (2/08/2012 3:43AM):
Thannk you so much for everything, it really really helped! I can’t thank you enough!!:) i wish i had your outlook on life! <3
You are *more* than welcome, sweetheart. :)) Although, really, you don’t have to thank me at all; I love doing all of this, I love helping people, I love giving people happier outlooks and more positive mindsets. It’s what helps me to smile, throughout everything, every single day. <3
And you know, this kind of outlook is far from impossible to achieve. :) If you want to get there, truly, then one day, you will find yourself already there. It’s how it happened with me. :] <33
Anonymous asked (2/08/2012 4:07AM):
I’m stuck on my ex, I know there’s reasons I broke up with him and I know they were really good reasons but I just can’t help myself. I’m seriously in love with him. From what his sister [my best friend] has told me he’s kind of moved on. I don’t fully understand what’s going on right now, he’s told me he still cares and all this other stuff. BUT we never talk anymore… And I know what he’s doing… I was wondering if there’s anything you can say to help me think straight threw this hole thing?
If you want help thinking straight, then I can certainly do my best. <3
When any of your thoughts involve this guy, don’t let them become wistful, hopeful, or fantasizing. Keep them as realistic as you possibly can. Remind yourself of the reasons why you broke up with him. Constantly. Remind yourself that people very *rarely* ever change, and that if you had those reasons to break up with him once, there’s nothing saying you won’t have them with him again. Tell yourself that if he really wanted to be with you, he’d be doing more than just saying that he still cares. Tell yourself that him only saying that he cares means that he’s just trying to keep you as a backup plan, in case any of his own pursuits don’t work, and that you are *much* better than somebody’s backup. You don’t want to be his last resort. You want to be somebody’s first. You want to find somebody who will fight for you, who won’t give you reasons to leave him, who will talk things out with you and be communicative.. somebody who treats his fellow human being, as a fellow human being. And more than just that.. someone who treats you like his companion, like his equal, and respects you as such enough to know how to act.
That person is not your ex. And if you do your best to keep telling yourself that, any time you catch yourself thinking wistful thoughts, that will eventually snuff out any romantic feelings you have left, and you will feel completely free of that burden. And not to mention, leave you free to present your affections to anyone else you may feel is worthy of them.
Trust me, try your hardest to keep that mindset. You will thank yourself immensely in the future. <3
Anonymous asked (2/08/2012 4:25AM):
hi, I’m the girl with the dad issues. thank you for responding, it means a lot. t I’m only 14, and the reason he gets mad and hits me is because it’s my fault. I should know better than to make him mad. its just hard because he gets mad about everything. he’s told me I’m the reason my parents are getting a divorce and he wishes I had never been born. I don’t want to tell someone and rip my family further than I already have though, what do I do? I just want him to stop. please help me
Stop, right there. Erase all these thoughts from your mind. The very first thing you told me that I absolutely know is wrong is that ‘it’s your fault.’ No. It is not. It is absolutely not. You are doing NOTHING wrong, AT ALL. You are NOT deserving of this, you are NOT the one in the wrong, you are NOT the one responsible for his disgusting behavior. Please, god, do not blame yourself for his actions. HE is a terrible parent who makes his child take the blame for his actions. HE is the one who cannot control himself enough to take out his issues somewhere harmless. HE is the one who has some serious fucking psychological problems that cause him to be a bully and a terrorist towards his own daughter. Please, stop thinking those thoughts, RIGHT now. It is not your fault.
You are not the reason why they are getting a divorce. HE is. He has no idea how to be a parent, and is so selfish that he will let it destroy his marriage and blame it all on you. He is letting the power of parenthood warp and destroy him, and using it all to his advantage to make you feel like shit, and like you’re the one behind it all, when in reality, you have absolutely nothing to do with it. He just happens to have power over you, so he exploits it.
And you REALLY need to do everything that is in your power to get out from under that power. YOU are not the one ripping your family apart. HE is. You telling other people, anyone else, as many people as you can, for help, will only be you taking responsibility for your own welfare, your own life, your own health, your own livelihood.. every single thing that you deserve as a fellow human being.
You need to listen to me. He is not going to stop. He is not. No matter what you do, what you say, how you act, what you ask, how you beg, he will not stop. So please, do everything you can to get away. Live with your mom. Live with your grandparents. Ask a friend’s parents to take you in for a little while. Talk to your teachers. Your counselor. Your principal. Your pastor. The police. Absolutely anybody you trust, who may have the ability to remove you from the situation. You will not be at ANY faults here. You will not be destroying your family. You will be protecting and taking care of yourself. You will be realizing that you don’t deserve this and that it’s high time you get out of there. You will be removing his influence, so that maybe you can start to learn to love yourself, for real.
A situation like this is not a joke. Please don’t let him use you. Don’t let him walk over you. Don’t let him keep you around, hurt you, destroy you, and ruin you. Please. Don’t. Take your own control over the situation. Do something about it. <3
Anonymous asked (2/08/2012 4:43AM):
I love your blog, I think it brings happiness to people, well at least to me it does:) I really need your help please. Long story short. Me & this guy were bestfriends for 3 years, we decided to go out because we tought we “liked” eachother, which we did, but I later in the relationship, I noticed nothing changed so I broke it off. I haven’t talked to him since then, I tried texting him but no reply. I miss his friendship but i have a boyfriend & idk what to do.
I think you sent this to the wrong ask box! ^^; Just for future reference, the box that sends messages to the advice blog to be published is underneath ‘What’s wrong, love?’. Not to worry though, I’ll answer this here, no problem. :]
This shouldn’t be a triggering read! <3
Thank you! I’m so glad to be able to bring happiness to you one way or another!
How long has it been since you two talked last? Was it a bad breakup? Was it mutual? Does it feel like he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore? Do you honestly have no idea?
If you’re still so confused about the situation, and really would like his friendship back, then if you still have a more decisive way to contact him than texts - Facebook, email, IMs, phone calls, anything at all - try writing to him, and telling him that you’d like to talk. Assure him that it’s not about anything bad - that line tends to scare some people off - and that all you want to do is clarify some things, and maybe fix some other things.
And, if he replies, and is okay with the idea, then you can tell him what happened, why you broke it off, how you feel right now, that you miss his friendship and value him more than that, and don’t want to lose three years of his friendship over a failed dating attempt; explain how just because it didn’t work out romantically, doesn’t mean that platonically, it’s entirely a failure. So you tried being together, and it didn’t work out.. what power says that you can’t still be best friends?
Of course, you do also have to be prepared if he says that he would rather not be your friend anymore, if he says he doesn’t want to talk to you about it, or if he flat out doesn’t respond to you at all. Which, unfortunately, is a possibility. But, if he was your best friend for three years, I have a hunch that tells me he’ll at least give you a chance to speak your mind fairly.
But if he doesn’t.. if he refuses you.. if he very clearly indicates that he doesn’t want to know you any more.. well, then so be it. If that’s when he’s going to show his true colors, then be happy that he chose to reveal them now, instead of further along in your life.
Talk to him. Or at the very least, try to. The worst that can happen is that you are ignored, and feel exactly the same as you do now, but with the very clear knowledge of how he feels, so that you may move on decisively. And the best thing? Well, you’d get your best friend back. And I think that would make it all worth it. :]
Anonymous asked (2/08/2012 11:34AM):
Hey there :) At first I have to say that you’ve got a beautiful blog, after I started following I just can’t stop looking trough all these wonderful pictures and ideas, they are so cute :) I would like to tell you something like others do, too, but I have no idea how I can do this :DD But, the most important thing is that I love your blog, and how you talk to your fans :) xoxo
That’s okay that it’s like the others, or that you don’t know how to say it! It’s the fact that you wanted to send it in the first place, and did so without a concrete idea, that makes it beautiful. :)
I wouldn’t dream of talking to you guys any other way. :] You’re just like me, I’m just like you, nobody is above or below anybody in any way at all, so why not treat you as such? <3
Anonymous asked (2/09/2012 10:26AM):
It’s about my friend, he’s got problems, for example in school, with his marks.. and the most important thing: his father beaten him and his mother stood next to them! I’m worried about him. :( He means a lot to me, but I just don’t know what to do or say.. I already talked to some of my friends but they didn’t know what I can do, too. Can you help me ? I just want him to feel better :/
By yourselves, love, I’m not sure there’s anything you *can* do. Most kids are completely powerless against their parents until they reach a certain age. :( But, if you don’t think it’d make the situation worse, what I think you should try to do is tell somebody. An adult, preferably; someone with power over the situation and the ability to help your friend. Your parents, maybe? Or some teachers at school.. your counselor.. or maybe even go straight to the police, if you’re brave enough. If his dad hits him, and his mother does nothing to stop it, then yes, that is considered child abuse and would be grounds to get him out of that house. Of course, you’d also have to consider what would happen to him then - where would he go? his parents are probably the reason why his grades aren’t what they could be, but would this help? could the abuse be proven? what happens if he goes for help and can’t get out anyway? - but, with knowing you’d have to keep all that in mind, I’d say the best people to go to would be your parents. If you really sit down and talk with them about wanting to help, about not knowing what to do, about being scared of the situation, about not wanting to let it go until he’s out of there or in a better situation, then they really should try to do something to help the both of you.
I want to help him feel better too, love. :( But in a situation like that, with bad and abusive parents, the only way I know of to help is to strip their power over him, and they only way I know of to do *that* is to remove him from their custody. :/ There may be other ways I’m not aware of - I’m not very educated in abusive matters, unfortunately - but, that’s what my gut is telling me is the best way. The most difficult, yes.. but the best, in the long run.
I really, really hope he gets out of there soon, dearie. <3 Nobody deserves a parent who hits them.
Anonymous asked (2/09/2012 11:09AM):
i just had the worst day of my life. everybody hates me. i’m being bullied by everyone at my school relentlessly, my mom screams at me, my dad screams at me before I’m even through the door. my brother acts like he doesn’t even know me. I hate myself. i hate who i am, and who i’ve become. i’m not pretty enough, smart enough, cool enough, classy enough, and good enough for anybody. no guy will ever like me. My first love ended up abusing me. i just don’t even see the point in my existence.
Well, *why* do you hate yourself? Do you hate yourself because you don’t feel accepted by other people, because you can’t seem to please others, because no matter what you do it’s never right or good enough.. that kind of thing?
Well, let me set one thing straight. There is nothing wrong with you. You are you. Nobody else can ever be as you as you are, and for that, you are beautiful. And that is what you need to start believing.
You don’t deserve that kind of treatment. You’re not ‘asking’ for it, they are not ‘right’, you do not ‘have it coming.’ You don’t deserve it. What you need to change, is your opinion of yourself. The reasons why those people do those awful things are because they have their own various issues to sort through - terrible parenting, abuse of power, indifference, immaturity, selfishness, and so on - and letting it out on the innocent people who happen to be around them is the only way they know of to feel better. It is not because of you specifically, personally; your parents would do that to any child who doesn’t meet their expectations, because they’re bad parents. The people at school would bully anybody who they see as a little bit different or ‘inferior’ to their status. Your brother, well, I would guess that he sees how your parents treat you, and being afraid of earning the same treatment himself, isolates you and distances himself from getting close in case they decide to turn on him. It’s not his fault; he doesn’t know better.
It’s not your fault, either.
People in this world are cruel, there is no denying that. And there is no way to stop them from being cruel. But, there is a way to change how you react to it. You can stop measuring your self worth in the terms of other people, and start measuring it in your own. You can realize that what these people think of you and do to you ultimately doesn’t matter, and that the absolute best way to get back at them is to live a happy life. You can also realize that when you have that kind of self love, you start attracting the same kind of people to you, and that when you love yourself, it is infinitely easier to love someone else. It is also infinitely easier for someone else to love you. Self love already does wonders to increase your quality of life. You can only imagine what happens when others who feel the same come into your life.
You can be in the world’s worst situation, as you feel you are in now, and still have a spark of hope deep in your soul, that tells you, ‘I may be bullied, I may be abused, I may be horribly mistreated, but none of this is my fault; I am beautiful; I am wonderful; I am unique; I am me. Nothing is wrong with me. Everything is wrong with those around me. They see me as prey, but I am anything but. I am strong. I am powerful. I know this. I believe this. I *am* this. Their words are nothing. Nobody can bring me down.’
Surround yourself with such similar mantras. Write it out in your notebooks. Print it out and stick it on your wall. Tape it to your mirror. Fold it for your pocket. Email it to yourself. Do anything, everything, absolutely anything you can to get yourself to actually believe it. Then, even though you may not be able to change the people around you or where you are, you will start to change your own attitude, change your outlook, and become so much happier than you have ever been, that one day you will look back and wonder how on earth you ever felt so sad.
You *are* pretty enough. You *are* smart enough, cool enough, classy enough. And you are plenty good enough. Release the standards other people make. Make them for yourself. And once you’re good enough for yourself, you will be more than good enough for anyone else. You’ll be fucking beautiful. <3
Anonymous asked (2/09/2012 12:53PM):
Hey,me again with the friend who’s got problems with his family. Thank you for answering <3 Yes it’s just.. that I really wanna talk to him about all these things but I just don’t know what to say. I want him to know that he can talk to me and that I’ll be there for him, no matter what. But I don’t want to annoy him or something like this.. I’m just.. worried. I wanna be a good friend . You know?
Aaahh, yes, I see now. <3
How good of a friendship do you two have? Are you best friends? Good friends? More like casual friends? Because that does influence how you could go about it. If you’re best friends, then you should be able to just sit with him and tell him, you know what’s going on in his home life, and if he ever feels like he needs anybody, ever, no matter what time it is and no matter how much he needs to say, you’re always there. You’ll always wake up to answer his calls, you’ll always give him a place to stay if he needs it, you’ll always be there no matter what.
But, you’re right, that would come off as a little pretentious if you’re not already best friends, unfortunately. Maybe instead, you could write down your contact information on a piece of paper (if he doesn’t already have it), and when you talk to him, say that you know about his home life, and that he doesn’t have to go through it alone if he doesn’t want to, and give him the paper, saying that you will happily be there if he ever feels like he needs you. That way, even if he doesn’t utilize the offer, he’ll still appreciate it, and probably feel warmer towards you, which would be the right path towards developing a strong friendship.
Or, if you don’t want to do that either, you could just pay attention to when he seems to be at his lowest points, and send him messages - not comments, but private messages - asking him if he wants to let it out, saying that it’s okay to if he needs to, and that you’ll be more than happy to try to help him through it. That’ll probably have the same effect as actually talking to him; he may not actually do it, but he’ll appreciate it all the same.
There really are lots of ways you could let him know you’re there for him; those are just a few I could think of off the top of my head. It really depends on what resources you have available, and how close you two are, too. But, if I were you, I’d do either my first or second suggestion. They’re much more personal, and so much more sincere. And, I think it’ll help him to open up to you that much faster. :] <3
Anonymous asked (2/09/2012 1:45PM):
thank you so so so much for making this beautiful amazing blog!!!
:DD Thank YOU for loving it so much! <3
Anonymous asked (2/09/2012 1:51PM):
This isn’t a question, but a message of my appreciation! I find everything about both you and your blog to be absolutely beautiful. And for every person that says this, just remember that there are fifty others thinking the same thing! You’re showing us that there are so many lovely things in life that we tend to overlook. You and your blog have gotten me through some difficult times, so thank you for remaining a pleasant consistency in an otherwise chaotic world! I appreciate it very much! =]
Well thank you! If that wasn’t a sweet thing for you to do, then I don’t know what is. :D It’s so mind-boggling to feel this appreciated! And I must say, so extremely nice as well. You could say that all of you have done the same thing for me, that I may have done for you. Do you have any idea what this whole project has done to improve my self confidence? :D
And that’s a beautiful thing in of itself! Thank you, so very much! <3
Anonymous asked (2/09/2012 2:15PM):
So, i was very depressed and my friend knew about that. She told me to look at this blog and read all of the things. I remember now why life is beautiful
Oh that is wonderful. :D I’m so happy for you! <3
I hope you’ll always be able to feel that way; or, if you find it difficult, that you always come back, and continue to remind yourself. :)
Anonymous asked (2/09/2012 11:48PM):
I honestly don’t even know what to do anymore. It feels like everything is falling apart. My friend is talking to the guy i used to talk to and hooking up with him. My other best friend tells me that she hates when im around one of my other friends cause im different. She says we’re annoying and team up, but really all were doing is just joking around. I try talking to about it and then she just says she doesn’t know how to explain it or just forget it. But after that she’s all mad at me.Help me
Well that’s frustrating, isn’t it. :( It doesn’t sound like your other friend is really doing anything to bother you; but if she is, if you would really rather she stopped, then I suggest sitting down with her and telling her so. But, because you didn’t mention her much here (likely because of the text limit, sorry :( ), I’m gonna focus mainly on your other friend.
When she tries to say that you two are annoying, and you try to talk about it, and she tries to brush it off, you need to insist. Say things like ‘no, I’m not going to forget it, what’s the real problem?’ or ‘try me. We’re friends for a reason.’ Really, really insist to keep talking about it, because if she’s going to be aggressive enough to say something about it in the first place, and then be passive-aggressive about it after you try to talk about it, then she needs to face her problems and talk about them. It’s true she probably doesn’t know how to explain it, but she should be doing it on a friend-to-friend basis, not aggressively. Something’s eating at her that’s making her do that; I’m willing to say that it’s jealousy. And, if she’s truly your best friend, she shouldn’t have much problem admitting it. If she does, well, maybe that’s a sign that you don’t need much of her in your life anymore. Friends who do that kind of thing aren’t really friends, and shouldn’t be kept around for longer than is necessary.
I know that’s not very easy to do, but understanding the situation is the first step towards knowing how to act upon it. Choosing how and when to talk to her is up to you, but not letting her continue that behavior is key. If she has a problem with the two of you, she needs to say so. And then maybe you three can try to repair whatever there may have been lost, and maybe you’ll be stronger than you ever were before. All she needs to do is let it happen.
But, if she’s not yet mature enough to make that decision and respect her own feelings as well as yours, well then, it’ll be her loss ultimately. You’re an amazing friend for wanting to fix things earnestly. She doesn’t know what she might be losing.
Anonymous asked (2/10/2012 3:00AM):
I have had a shitty day. After finally working up the courage to admit that I need professional help and seeking it out, I’ve found out that it’s going to take at least 3 months to even see someone who can diagnose me with problems that I know I have and that I need help for. The only way that I’ll get help any sooner than that is if I prove that I desperately need it; in other words, if they think I’m at risk of causing harm to myself or others (suicidal, homicidal). I’m not suicidal, but if they make me wait upwards of half a year to even meet a professional, I am not going to be able to cope with the stress of university or living on my own. I can’t talk to my parents about the fact I think I have serious mental problems (i.e., an actual diagnosable condition), so I feel like I’m hiding that from them even when I call them up in tears and they know something’s wrong, and it’s eating me up inside, and the only person I can really tell anything to other than them is the school counselor, and he can only talk to me, he can’t refer me anywhere, unless I want to try and refer myself, essentially, which will also take time.
I feel so lost and angry and frustrated and I just want to open my window and scream DAMN IT I AM HURTING WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THAT because no one seems to realize how fucking bad it really is, and if I can’t convince the people I need to help me, who can I convince? What do I have to do to make them see? (Are the scars not enough?) I don’t want to die, I just want to wake up and not feel like I’m living in a one-person war zone.
Oh sweetheart, that’s terrible! :( That’s such a terrible way to live, and I’m so so sorry that you have to go through all that right now. :[
Why is it that you can’t talk to your parents? Personal reasons? Do you feel like they just wouldn’t understand? You don’t want to burden them? They would take it badly? I dunno; as it is, I’d say try to talk to them anyway, if for someone to just listen to you and offer comfort, at the very least. But, that, unfortunately, is the way that the system works, as flawed and disgusting as it is - I know a fair amount of people who could use therapy in my life as well, but not only would it take too long, it’s too damned expensive, so none of us can get what we need either - and since we can’t force it to change, all we can try to change is our own outlook.
Which, when you’re suffering from depression, at the very least, really seems like the hardest thing to do in the world. I know exactly how it feels to be so frustrated that you just want to yell at everyone, cry at everyone, wail hopelessly at the lack of understanding, curl up in bed in the morning and cry, not even be motivated enough to get dressed.. it is not a pleasant thing to go through, at all, especially when it’s not all you’re suffering from. :[ And, funnily enough, I choose not to go to my parents about it either, or even my boyfriend. Usually, when I feel like I’m at my lowest low, that’s when I turn to my blog. Sure, it may be labeled as ‘attention getting,’ but sometimes, loving attention is exactly what you need. Positive messages, pick-me-ups, happy thoughts from friends, sweetheart anons.. anything at all like that can do wonders to help you through whatever it is you may be suffering from. It may be temporary, and it may not be all that powerful from the start, but in the long run, after waves of depression and follow-up waves of encouraging thoughts, it really starts to strengthen you, and make the depression floods not seem quite so bad. Or, in your case, it would help you stay sane long enough to see a professional, and work your way through therapy.
In a situation like this, normally I would suggest my standard ‘if you can’t change the situation, change how you approach it’ advice.. but, as I said, I know how hard that is to do when you’re really suffering from a bad mental condition. So, in your case, that is why I would suggest outside help. Write about it on your blog; start a blog for it; send constant messages to advice blogs like mine whenever you need a friendly voice; surround yourself with positivity websites and propaganda; really, really immerse yourself in it the art of letting it out however is best for you, and of replacing those angry thoughts with pleasant, calming ones.
It is a very slow, gradual process. But it is very possible. Your problems you may have are extremely conquerable, and with enough determination and the right surroundings, you will get through what it is you’re suffering from just fine. It should do wonders to help you even before you set foot in the psychologist’s office.
The important thing to remember, along with all of this, is that you’re not alone. Even if you have to make your support group be nothing but anonymous advice blogs, having your messages answered as sincerely as possible, having someone there who’ll listen to you and take you seriously, and understand you, can do so much to help you feel better. It’s not the same as a parent, or a friend, or a physical shoulder to cry on, or kind-hearted messages in response to a blog post, but it’s pretty damn close. Sometimes, the kindness of strangers is exactly what people need. Because, it proves that someone who has no prior knowledge of you sincerely cares about you, and that in of itself can work miracles on someone’s self esteem.
Of course, I have no idea if what I’m saying here makes any kind of sense at all. I really hope it does. <3 Or at least, enough sense for you to pick up an idea of what you can do to help yourself while you’re waiting for the professionals to give you their time. It may not be much, but hey, it’s the best I can suggest for the situation, and who knows? Maybe you’ll find that it works miracles on you. :) <3
Anonymous asked (2/10/2012 12:20PM):
I feel sad all the time and idk why
Well, usually love, that’s a sign of depression. Feeling extremely sad and unmotivated, finding it hard to even get out of bed or get dressed, wondering what the point of things is, not having any idea why you feel that way and possibly feeling even more sad out of guilt because you don’t think you should, frustration because you don’t think others would understand.. that’s all depression.
Which is perfectly fine to have, by the way. <3 Nothing’s wrong with you and nobody will look down on you for it. But, knowing what it might be makes it easier to find a way to deal with it. :) You’ll want to find someone to talk to - a therapist, if it’s that serious or if nobody around you is that good of a listener - and you’ll want to find positive and inspiring things to surround yourself with. Someone to talk to is the direct way of helping, the other part is very indirect, but no less effective. Even if you don’t think you’re depressed, still, try it. Try talking to someone who’ll listen about what’s in your head, and try bringing more happiness into your life. It should still help you, whether you’re depressed or not. :)
Anonymous asked (2/10/2012 12:26PM):
So Ive started to print out some of your posts and tape them to my walls of my room to always remind me of what makes me happy in life. :3
Oh that is just beautiful. :D You’re not the first person to tell me they’ve done that, too! <3
What I wouldn’t give to see a picture of that. Do you have any idea how amazingly happy knowing that makes me? :DD <333
(If I opened up a section similar to Just Little Things, for pictures people send in of projects or collages they’ve made related to this blog, would any of you send anything in? :O )
Anonymous asked (2/11/2012 3:03PM):
i’ll deff send a picture of my wall in as soon as i finish =)
Oh that would be fantastically fantastic. <3
I’ll be sure to have a place for you to send it to soon! Even if it’s not going to be used much, there’s no harm at all at having a section devoted to that open. :)
Anonymous asked (2/11/2012 3:17PM):
I wrote a letter to my friend (he’s got problems with his family and I already sent you a message, remember me?) and I wrote down all the things. That I’m worried, that I’m there for him and so on. But I’m afraid of giving him the letter, and one of my friends already told him that I’ve got one for him, so he knows -.- I’m scared, what if I take it all way too serious?
Of course I remember you. :) <3
Well, even if he didn’t know, I’d still say to go for giving it to him. <3 In person, though, not by hiding it in his bag or anything like that. That way, you can say what you want to say to him to his face, and he knows you’re actually serious about it. Because, when it comes to an abusive home situation, there is no such thing about taking it too seriously. If he actually gets hit by his dad, then what you’re doing for him is completely within reason. And, I really think that you doing that will help him to feel like you understand, and therefore feel closer to you, because so many people in those situations aren’t taken seriously enough, or just brushed aside for whatever reason, so you insisting on it would send a strong message of support.
Try not to be afraid, love. <3 I know it’s hard to make yourself be that serious about it, and that you just want everything to be okay, but in order for things to be okay, you need to get through this part of it first. And get through it, you will. Even if you have to keep messaging me about what to do next throughout the entire situation. :]
Anonymous asked (2/11/2012 3:21PM):
You’ve helped so many people and I wanted to thank you for that.You’re so caring and understanding, and the lives that you’ve touched with all your kind words are truly lucky to have met you. Someone like you deserves every happiness, and I hope that you shall find just that.
And I just want to thank you so very much, for being so kind and appreciative that you felt the need to touch my heart with this beautiful message. :) Being happy is a natural right. I just hope to help people along the way of discovering it. :] <3
And, for what it’s worth, although my life is far from perfect, I am living it very happily. Enough to share it with anyone who feels the need to open up to me. :)
Anonymous asked (2/11/2012 10:34PM):
I like being alone and being able to do my own thing, but I’m leaving school in a year and I don’t want to be tied down. Is it okay to push men away because of that reason?
It’s okay to go at life solo, no matter *what* your reason may be dearie. :) You like being alone; you enjoy doing your own thing; you don’t want to be tied down; regardless of how soon you’re leaving school, those reasons are all perfectly fine. And, I do have to personally commend you; more power to you for being in touch with yourself enough that you know what you want, and especially that what you want is to be on your own. That implies enormous personal strength, so for that, I am proud of you. :)
And if anyone gives you any trouble for it, just remind them that it’s not their lives you are influencing, and that everybody is perfectly entitled to their own chosen lifestyle, whether it be surrounded by people or chugging along single player. And, what’s beautiful about life, is that you can choose to be alone now, and at any point in your life you can change your mind, and there will always be options available to you to change your situation. Even if it’s just online! If you eventually want to be with somebody, no matter where you are in your life, there will always be a way. :)
Good luck, love! You know what you want, so go on and make sure you get it. :) <3
Anonymous asked (2/11/2012 11:39PM):
I am an oncampus college student but I try to go home every weekend. I go home for my dog. he means the world to me. He is what makes me happy. he is 9 years old and His health is slowly declining I am not sure how to prepare for his passing, i have dealt w/many deaths in my life, I’m just not sure I am going to be able to handle this well, I’m scare I might have a breakdown. any advice?
To be honest, I don’t entirely, because I’m going through the exact same situation with my own dog. Although, I can’t go home nearly as often as I’d like, but, in my situation, that might be for the best. But for you, what I would suggest to do, since I answered a question very similar to this lately and writing it all out again is kind of upsetting for me, is go to my messages archive, and on the page, hit ctrl+f if you’re on a PC; command+f if you’re on a mac, and search for ‘2/08/2012 3:35AM’, without the quotes. You should find a message about someone who’s losing her cat, and you may find that the way I answered her will help you prepare for the same type of situation with your dog.
This is the first time I’ve ever referred someone to a previously answered question, and for that, I am sorry. :( But I love my own dog more than anything, and he is in the later half of his life as well, so thinking about the subject much really can get to me. I’m really sorry.. but, I hope that you’ll find something in that answer that will be of some help to you. <3
Anonymous asked (2/12/2012 2:59AM):
So I’m 16 and I was with my first boyfirend and we broke up before school started. We’re in the same group of friends so I always see him. I always think about him and how things could of been. I think I still like him and I have this feeling that he still likes me. I just don’t know what to do.
If you two share friends, and it’s more or less impossible to avoid him without isolating yourself completely, then what I think you need to do is talk to him. Pull him aside, sit him down, and really be honest with him and with yourself, and talk to him. I really do know how scary that seems, but facing that fear and overcoming it is necessary to recover from something like this as quickly as possible.
As for the kinds of things you’ll want to say.. you’ll need to talk about how you’ve been feeling, how you still like him, how you’re unsure about his feelings towards you, how you can’t get over him, and how you would like to either recover properly or get back with him, and ask him to be entirely, truthfully honest with you so that you’ll know for sure, and so that even though you still see each other often, you’ll know for a fact how he feels, which will make the recovery process much easier. It still won’t be very easy at all with how often you run into each other, but it won’t be impossible. I think it would help to talk to the friends you two share, too, and tell them the situation so that they can help you distance yourself from him and recover faster. Nobody needs to develop any kind of bitter feelings, they just need to understand that the less you see and hear of him, the faster you’ll feel better and the quicker your group of friends can go back to normal. If they’re friends with the both of you, and truly respect you both, they should be really helpful towards that. It could really help you out, too. <3
But, yes, my point is, talk to him. As soon as you can, too. Don’t think about how scared you are of doing it, don’t be nervous, don’t frantically wonder about all the what if’s, just try to keep calm and speak your mind. It *is* okay to be nervous while you’re talking, but I just mean, don’t let yourself freak out or overreact. But, after the initial first few minutes of talking to him, you should feel fine. <3
Anonymous asked (2/12/2012 7:53PM):
Hi! :)… Like almost 2 years ago I started talking with this guy I met, we talked every day like until 2 am… he was sweet, funny, cute… so dreamy! but he never talked to me unless I talked to him first, but ignoring that I really thought he liked me, a year ago he started dating with some girl, and I’m gonna say that even if we never talked about it, it broke my heart, I don’t believe in disturb a relationship so I really wanna move on, but I don’t know how, I deleted him from my phone, blocked him on fb and try not to talk to him, since I’m on vacations I don’t see him, but I’m about to go back to University and I don’t wanna see him feeling this way, I already tried being his friend and It just doesn’t work :(
Yeah, unfortunately, trying to ‘just be friends’ with someone you’re trying to get over really doesn’t work, flat out. The people who do it and appear to succeed, really don’t, because I can guarantee you that their feelings aren’t gone. Just repressed. And there are so many things wrong with that already.
But, enough of that. It sounds like you’re trying in all the right ways; deleting him, blocking him, all that kind of thing. It’s also great that you *want* to move on. :) But, let me ask: why would you see him again? Do you share classes, or a similar major, or anything like that? Because, at college, it is entirely possible to never run into someone you never want to run into. It’s a lot harder if it’s a smaller college, but still possible. If you don’t share the same friends, it’s even easier.
But, yes, whether it’s easy or not quite so easy, you’ll want to avoid seeing him in person as much as possible too. Not only will it help you get over him faster, it’ll prevent you from needing to fake being okay with talking to him and how his relationship may be going. Trust me, it will be so much easier for you if you can prevent that as much as possible, which I’m sure you already knew of, but you’ll really want to avoid seeing him as much as you can.
I’m not sure how much that helped you, if you already knew you should be doing that. :( But, if you only wanted confirmation, then now you have it. <3 I know it’ll suck completely, and be really hard sometimes, but I’m sure you’ll be able to do it just fine. :]
Anonymous asked (2/12/2012 9:13PM):
both my parents are verbally abusive. it hurts just as much as physicaly. last year i was raped. but was it really rape? i said no tried to pushe him away but feeling hopeless i just gave up resisting.. ive self injured for over a year due to self confidence issues and family problems, also bullying. and now im having troubles with my boyfriend he recently brokeup w me for being dramatic whiny and needing affcetion were back together now but im so stressed trying not to be dramatic. what to do?
Yes, it was really rape. Especially because you said no and tried to push him away. Giving up does *not* mean you are willing, nor does it mean you are weak. It does not. It means that he raped you. And there could not have been a more disgusting thing for him to do.
What I think you should do, is leave your boyfriend. If you want to give him a second chance to prove that he cares for you, then do so carefully, because it sounds like this second chance is under *his* grounds for giving *you* one. Which is absolute bullshit. Your parents verbally abused you; you were raped; you’ve been bullied; just with all that alone, ignoring how you may have been affected by it all, your boyfriend should be THE person who understands everything you’ve gone through and let you be yourself, and comfortable, in the relationship, while helping you recover from it all. Breaking up with you for being ‘dramatic, whiny, and needing affection’ is one of the stupidest things he can do. From everything you’ve gone through, it would be an absolute miracle to not be mentally affected by it somehow, and he absolutely needs to understand that. You are not ‘dramatic.’ You are not ‘whiny.’ You have issues from your past - which are perfectly normal and alright to have - that you need to recover from, and if he’s just going to be one of those many sources in your life that makes you feel terrible to be yourself (I mean, he’s your own boyfriend, if you have nobody else to go to, he should be there for you), that makes you feel guilty for letting out your true feelings, who absolutely refuse to help you get better because they’re too damn selfish, then he does NOT deserve to be there. I wouldn’t even say he deserves a second chance. He needs out of your life as soon as possible.
Trust me, with what you’ve been through, you would be better off living the single life for a while than you would be staying with him. He’s hurting you so much more than he’s helping you.
It’s up to you how you go about it. I very much hope that you have the guts to do so. You can be nice and tell him politely, or you can just say go fuck yourself. He doesn’t deserve the polite treatment from you, but whatever you feel most comfortable doing, then so be it.
What boyfriend tells his girlfriend she’s being dramatic and needy after she’s been treated like that in her past? Seriously?
Anonymous asked (2/12/2012 10:28PM):
thanks :) yeah sometimes it helps just to be heard… well… I’ll prbably will see him because we are both from the same town and occasionally we get to travel in the same bus to college, I already tried to be colder when he toalks to me, but he asks me if I’m mad, which I’m not and makes this really sad face that doesn’t help at all :(
Well, if it’ll help you feel better, you don’t need to be cold towards him. If he still believes you’re a friend, and has no idea how you feel towards him, then maybe you should take a chance to sit him down and tell him what’s going on. Tell him how you feel, what you think about his current relationship, and what you’re trying to do, and ask him if he’ll do you a huge favor and help you with it by removing himself from the equation. You can apologize for being cold previously, and you can assure him that once the feelings are gone, you can be normal friends again, but for right now, you need to do what you need to do and it would be best if he could understand and respect that.
It really sounds like he’s a nice guy, and honestly, that makes the situation much easier to deal with. Unfortunately, because he’s nice, it makes him a lot easier to get over, too; but, for your sanity and the sake of your friendship, it needs to be done.
But the important thing here is that he not think he did anything wrong. Because, he didn’t. He didn’t mean to hurt you, and likely doesn’t have any idea what’s going on. So, you need to tell him. Yes, that will mean opening up to him and telling him how you feel, but he deserves to know. Don’t keep it from him.
And, by the sounds of things, he’ll be sad about it, but he should take it well and listen to what you ask of him just fine. <3
Anonymous asked (2/12/2012 11:09PM):
yeah… he’s the best :(
Yeah, I know that can’t help you at all. I know exactly what you mean. You almost don’t *want* to move on. But, you need to, to keep yourself sane and to not torture yourself. And the best way to get on with that is to tell him what’s going on. Not only will that get him to understand and help you do what you need to do, it’ll get your feelings out of your system. Both of which, will do wonders for you. <3
I really do wish you luck with the whole situation, love. Getting over someone that sweet is never an easy thing. Never easy, but, not impossible, either. <3
Anonymous asked (2/12/2012 11:31PM):
I’ve been thinking about what you’ve suggested, and it mean a lot. one more thing though. promise me it’s the right thing to do? to tell on him? I just need to know that I’m not screwing more things up. please promise
(I’m so sorry for being confused about which anon you are!)
Yes, absolutely yes, it is the right thing to do. I promise you with all my heart. It might make things seem worse right off the bat, it might make things seem a lot more crazy and hectic, you might regret ever having said anything, but in the long run, you will be so infinitely grateful to yourself. That kind of chaos comes with such a significant, difficult life change, and in this case, it is absolutely necessary.
I promise you, it is the right thing to do. Get out from under his control. Your life will improve significantly once you do. I promise you. <3
(And, just to be safe, before you do, you may want to make sure you have a place where you can stay that is NOT near him, just in case you need to go there. Because, he will not be pleased at all to hear what you’ve done, and if he hits you, I can’t imagine what he would want to do then, so you’ll want to protect yourself as much as you can. Make sure it’s a safe place, and somewhere you can stay for an extended amount of time. Even if you don’t need it, you’ll be glad that you have the back up place, whenever you may need it.)
Anonymous asked (2/13/2012 4:26AM):
I’ve been being bullied/harassed about these rumors going around about ‘What I’ve apparently done with a guy’ though I’m a virgin and rarely leave my house during the weekends, for a few months now. My depression is getting worse and worse by every rumor and I feel like I’m closer and closer to ending it all by doing a permanent choice. My mom came into my room asking what was going on just a few seconds ago and her reply was “What now? Just ignore them, jesus christ”.. I don’t know what to do..
Well, very clearly, your mom is not the person to go to for a situation like this. Of course, it’s natural that you should turn to her, as she is your mother; but, unfortunately, not all moms are cut out to be moms. It is very likely she never learned the patience to help others through that kind of thing, or she was personally strong enough to be one of the few who could easily ignore other peoples’ opinions, and can’t understand why other people couldn’t. Or, both, maybe. But either way, it is no fault of yours that she’s like that. Not at all. <3 Your reaction to the situation is actually completely normal.
I’d ask what on earth caused a rumor like that to circulate, but that’s not really relevant at this point. But, what you need to try to do is actually what your mom suggested, albeit in a much more considerate way: you’ll want to do your best to ignore them, and to show them that they can slander and bash you all they want, but their words won’t get to you. You see, by allowing yourself to deteriorate with every rumor they spread about you, you’re letting them win and giving them power over you. You’re letting them dictate your life and tell you how to think and what to feel. And if you try to teach yourself self-love, self-reliance, self-respect.. everything that is good that is focused around the self.. then soon, their power over you will completely dissipate, and I truly believe that then, the rumors will stop.
Because, it’s no fun for kids like that to spread rumors about someone who doesn’t give two shits.
Although I know exactly how hard that is. I know the sinking feeling you get when someone personally dislikes you or spreads a flat-out lie about you, and how badly you just want to correct it. I know just how all that feels, and it is not an easy thing to get over, by far. But it IS possible, and if you become your own best friend, your own savior, then gradually, you’ll find yourself becoming affected less and less by every untrue thing they can try to say about you.
And, in the meantime, just so you feel like you’re doing something a little more direct, I would try to talk to your school counselor about it, as well as go to your principal to turn in the people you know for sure are saying shit. This should *not* be allowed to continue, and if there’s any way for them to learn and be punished for all that they’re doing to you, that would be the best way to go about it.
It doesn’t matter if that starts stories about you being a tattletale instead. It’s you taking the steps to save your own life. And, quite frankly, they can go fuck themselves if they try to bring you down for it.
Anonymous asked (2/13/2012 4:44AM):
why do guys want to use girls?
You know, I could go off onto a novel of a response about what I think about this topic, but I think I’ll try to condense it for now.
In truth, it is not only guys who want to only use girls; a lot of the time, girls use guys, and the same things happen in non-heterosexual couples. BUT, it does seem to happen more often with guys using girls. So why is that?
Well, I can say that it’s because of the way our society raises boys. They are raised to think that since they are men, they are the default, and therefore they deserve everything and everything should want to be around them. I believe that this is a very subtle, not active mindset, but you’ll find that it’s true in the grand majority of men you meet. Women are raised to believe that we are imperfect, that we must groom ourselves perfectly for the men, that we must be every single good quality in the book, despite what the men are, and that if we are not, we must spend all of our money fixing ourselves to make ourselves appealing. Men are raised to expect this, and think that it’s their right to only choose the most attractive, well-groomed women, because that means that she’s the most ‘prepared’ to please her man.
This all is very unconscious, by the way. In no way do I think anyone actually actively thinks this. But just observe how the two genders interact, as a whole. Observe how they interact in society. The man is never there to please the woman, support the woman, emphasize the woman. It’s always the other way round.
So with this kind of brainwashing mindset, with this kind of propaganda people are raised around, guys are taught that it is perfectly normal to be non-emotional with a girl, to use her for his own needs, because she is there for his pleasure and nothing else. If she has her own feelings, her own thoughts, her own opinions, her own life, he may be able to tolerate that for a while, but once it gets to the point where he must change his own thoughts or feelings or opinions, hers must stop right away. She cannot threaten him or his manliness.
Now. Luckily, this is not true for ALL men. Not even most, I would say. But when you think in terms of ‘society,’ you will be hard pressed to say that it’s not true. It’s all instinctual, it’s all brainwashed, it’s all ingrained into our minds. And it’s so, so very disgusting.
But. It’s not true for all men. Or all women, when the situation may be reversed. Or for anyone else of any gender. There are ALWAYS douchebags out there. Always. And there always will be. The trick to changing something like that though, is to first, change yourself. And if you change yourself, then that makes one less brainwashed sheep wandering around, believing what he is taught by the world to believe and doing what he is taught is appropriate to do.
Anonymous asked (2/14/2012 7:42PM):
is this where we send requests ?
Actually it’s not, because submissions are supposed to be closed; when they’re open, there’s a very clearly labeled submissions box where you can send in as many as you’d like. :]
And it will be very obvious when they’re open again, not to worry!
Anonymous asked (2/15/2012 8:21PM):
So there’s this boy. And I like him. So much. But even though he can be so fucking nice to me, I’m more than sure that he doesn’t like me that much back. He’s shy. But whenever we see each other, it’s ME who has to go over for a talk. It’s ME who cares, it’s ME who asks if I could meet him, it’s ME who writes first on fb. Always me and I’m tired of it, even though I tried to stop, I just.. can’t.
Well, one way to make all that end for sure is to actually ask him how he feels about you. It’s clear that you like him, a lot, and it’s also clear that his behavior is really frustrating you. But, because he’s shy, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel the same way about you, and the best way to find out is to ask.
You don’t have to do it in a mean way, either.. you can actually be really nice about it. You can ask him only if he likes you back, after saying that you like him.. you can ask him out.. anything at all like that, to see how he responds. If he’s still super shy about it, or turns you down, then it should be much easier to stop going to him all the time, and not to mention easier to get over him.
And if he goes with it, and says he does like you back, and does apologize for being so shy all the time.. well then, you’ll be glad you asked, won’t you? :]
It’s a win-win situation, either way. Either you know for sure how he feels, or you end up going for a real chance with a relationship with him. And, either way, you won’t be continuing with this frustration, and it’ll stop. What’s there to lose? :]
Anonymous asked (2/16/2012 10:13PM):
I’m pretty sure I’m in love with my older brother’s best friend. I can’t get him out of my head. He’s always around my house, so I tend to hide up in my room. He has a major bitch of a girlfriend, and she doesn’t even car about him. I’m pretty sure she’s sleeping with the entire football team, but every time I try to tell him what she’s doing he NEVER believes me. I feel like Taylor Swift right now, and the whole you belong with me scenario really fits my situation. What should I do?
Oh that really sucks, I’m sorry love. :(
But let’s see.. as much as you hate his girlfriend, wish he could see the truth, and want to be with him, think about it this way: even if he was single, would both he and your brother be cool with him dating you? Your brother might think it’s weird, and so might he. Then again, they might not, but that’s usually the automatic response. What your brother thinks ultimately isn’t important, but what his friend thinks is the most important thing. Would he be okay with giving you a shot romantically? Or does he only see you as his friend’s little sister?
If he only sees you that way, then I have to break you the bad news of letting you know that that’s probably how he’ll always see you. It’s not impossible for him to want to give you a shot, but usually when a sibling’s friend sees you only as the kid sibling, it’s stuck that way. Which is terribly unfortunate in a situation like that, but for your own sanity and quality of life, it’s best to not lead yourself on like that.
So, what I would do is try to focus on moving on, and just make sure that he stays happy. Try to keep warning him about the girlfriend that’s mistreating him, regardless of whether or not he’ll end up with you. Be there for him whenever he finally realizes her true colors, cause it’s inevitable that he’ll be quite upset about it. Regardless of whether or not his future involves you, just try to make sure he’s happy. That, you should do whether you’re getting over him or not, just out of respect for a sibling’s good friend and fellow human being.
But in the meantime, as long as he doesn’t believe you about her, and just to keep you from torturing yourself, really try your best to get over him. I know that’ll be near impossible, what with trying to make sure he’s treated right and all at the same time, but think of it this way: if he continues to not listen to you, and be blinded by what he thinks of her, then you probably wouldn’t work out too well anyway, because he doesn’t trust you. And if he does listen to you, and sees how she is, and breaks it off, then there’ll already be a level of trust there, plus he’ll be single, and you can try to be there for him to let some sort of feelings develop.
I really hope that makes some kind of sense; it’s really a complicated situation, and there’s no clear-cut advice I can offer here. Should you move on? Should you hang on? Would your brother approve? Would *he* approve? What if he believes you at one point? How can you move on if he’s always there? What if you’re trying to move on and then they break up? Really, there’s just too many uncontrollable variables to give some sensible advice. But, I tried my best, and I hope it made at least some degree of sense to give you something to start with, so you’re not just floating along helplessly. It should give you a direction to start in, I’m hoping. <3
Anonymous asked (2/16/2012 10:25PM):
I can’t get overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr my exxxxxxxxxxxxx.
Well love, why do you think that is? Do you still talk to him (or her)? See them? Keep in contact with them? Check up on them?
Because the best way to move on is to more or less erase them completely from your life. Don’t just defriend them online or remove their number from your phone - flat out block them. Everywhere. That will absolutely ensure that they won’t talk to you, and make it impossible for you to just go and look and see how they’re doing. Change your daily path if you need to to avoid seeing them. Tell any mutual friends you have of the situation so they’ll understand and be able to help you. Really, really do everything you can to just act like they don’t exist.
Because when you do all that, and you won’t even be faced with the temptation to go look at their stuff, then you’ll find yourself thinking of them less and less. You’ll be more focused on your own life, your own interests and friends, and soon enough find yourself attracted to other people. It really, really is the fastest and most effective way I know of to get over somebody. I see no reason why it shouldn’t work for you. <3
Anonymous asked (2/17/2012 4:52AM):
Yeah.. it’s just about that I’m afraid of losing this boy as a friend when I tell him how I feel, and even though this sounds a little strange (maybe) , I’m feeling that he doesn’t like me that much back. His behavior is really frustrating me, that’s right. But sometimes he can be soo nice and this is what confuses me. AND , I think I couldn’t handle the fact that he could stop being my friend :(
Hmmm, well, in that case, then maybe it’d be safer if you don’t tell him how you feel, try to back off the romantic feelings a little bit, and just talk to him as a friend about how you’d like it if he initiated the contact every now and then. That is a perfectly understandable conversation between friends that can actually happen, so if you were to ask him that, you’d still have him as your friend, wouldn’t have to be scared about admitting your feelings, and ideally he’d try to be the one to talk to you now and again. After all, if the problem is that he’s just shy, and if you two are becoming fairly good friends, then it shouldn’t be too much of an issue for him to agree to do. You know?
And if he doesn’t, well, eventually you’ll get so frustrated that you *will* just stop. And I know how much you don’t want to lose him, but if you’re the only one putting forth all the work, especially after you ask him to do some more of his share too, then he doesn’t really deserve to be your friend. As unfortunate as that would be to happen, it is very natural and definitely works; it worked with a couple of people I thought were friends a year or so ago too.
I hope that all helps you a little bit more, love. You don’t deserve to feel that kind of frustrated. <3
Anonymous asked (2/21/2012 9:26PM):
Im tired of not being able to get over him.. he uses me.. but i just cnt seem to stop letting him.. help ;’(
That’s because you still care for him, love. :( When you care for somebody, you can be completely blind to whatever they might do to you; or in your case, you see it, but you’re unable to put a stop to it. I think it’s because you still have a craving for his attention, no matter what kind it is.
So, what I think you should do about it, is break yourself off of that need and stop what’s going on at the same time. And by that, I mean stop talking to him completely. Block his number, his profile on facebook, his IM screennames, anything and every way you have to contact him. Tell anybody relevant that you don’t want him able to visit you anymore. Change your daily routes so you don’t see him. Threaten to get a restraining order if you have to. Really, don’t give him any chance whatsoever to talk to you. It’ll break it off immediately, on both sides. Don’t even tell him you’re doing it. That way, you won’t even be tempted to talk to him, and he won’t even have the option to tell you he needs you or wants you for anything.
It won’t solve your problems completely, but it should definitely give you a good place to start, or at least an idea of where you should start. Point being, you need to stop talking to him, as soon as possible. Abrupt and through blocking is the best way that I know of to do that. I really, really hope you’ll be able to do it soon. <3
Anonymous asked (2/22/2012 2:26AM):
i really need your help. i have some feeling to a boy, but they are only when we don’t chat or smth. when he start talking to me, i’m like so disgusted or, i dont know what it is. he is friendly etc(and he has a girlfriend!!) but he’s not the prettiest(just, i dont like his apperance :() what should i do?
Well that’s an unusual situation, I must say. It sounds to me, like you’re attracted to the idea of him, but not actually to him, and since it doesn’t sound like you have any desire to pursue him or like you’re very good friends, you could easily avoid talking to him for a couple weeks until your mind goes back to normal. Which, yes, is what I think you should do; you don’t need to do anything drastic, just keep your distance from him for a while, go about your normal business for as long as you feel you need to, and try not to talk to him again until you feel those feelings are gone. That’s the best thing you can do to get out of that situation. You’re lucky, it should be fairly simple, too. :]
Anonymous asked (2/22/2012 4:17AM):
hi i still like my ex alot. He was everything to me but last month, he broke up with me because he lost feelings. Its been a month and I’m not over it. what should i do?
Oh hon, I’m sorry, going through that is never easy. :( But not to worry, it’s not hard to recover from, if you put your mind to it. <3
If you still talk to him, say hi to him, or check up on him at *all,* then you need to put a stop to it right now. Defriend him everywhere, remove him everywhere, and yes, even block him. The blocking is essential, because that removes even the possibility of temptation to go checking up on how he’s doing. And you will find that, once that is gone, focusing on yourself and your own life will get so much easier.
You will also want to immerse yourself in something you really love. Think about your hobbies, and think about whatever it is you love to do the most. And then, really dive into it. Teach yourself some new things, look up updates, start your own project; whatever it may be, really lose yourself in it. Let it keep your mind busy, let yourself look forward to doing it every day, and you will find yourself recovering and moving on completely naturally. The amount of time it’ll take does vary on the person and exactly what it is you’re doing, but the important thing to know is that it works. And at the very least, it’s something you can just give a fair shot. :] <3
Anonymous asked (2/22/2012 2:08PM):
are there still messages in your advice inbox you haven’t answered? I sent you a message yesterday and I just wanted o make sure it got through. it’s kindA important. also, if someone comes off anon, will you not post it but rather just message back?
There are a couple, mmhmm, one anon and one off anon. I’m really sorry I haven’t answered them very quickly; I’ve been really falling behind on all my blogging business and I don’t really have an excuse for it. :( But I’ll get to them as soon as possible now, don’t you worry.
And yes, if someone messages me off anon, I never publish it unless they ask me to, or unless it’s non-personal. So nobody ever has to worry about that. :]
Anonymous asked (2/22/2012 2:54PM):
GUYS HATE ME BECAUSE I’M BEAUTIFUL AND FUNNY, BUT WHEN I DRINK THINGS COME OUT TOO MUCH
Well, alright, I’m not sure what you mean though love? Guys hate you? You open up too much when you drink? Is that your issue here?
Well, as nice as it would be, there’s no way to control the jealousy or feelings of other people. If they dislike you, then there must be a reason why, and usually, beauty and sense of humor are not what it is. It’s not impossible that they actually are, but I suggest you think outside the box a bit. Is there some other reason why they dislike you? Maybe you’re doing something to upset them? Maybe it’s your lack of doing something? Really think about it before you pin it on them simply being jealous of you, and keep an open mind towards whether or not it is your fault. Usually, there’s a lot more to it than that.
And, as for opening up too much when you drink, there’s a simple solution to that: don’t drink as much. If you don’t like how much you share when you’re drunk, then either cut back on how much you’re drinking, or rethink the crowd you’re hanging out with. It’s fine to not want to be overly personal, but if you don’t want to be with the people you’re choosing to spend time with, then maybe you should try to find some new people. True friends are the kinds you can tell anything and everything, no matter how drunk you are, and they’ll still love you just the same the next morning. If you feel like you can’t do that.. well, that should tell you something.
I know that probably wasn’t at all what you wanted to hear. But to be honest, your message wasn’t entirely clear in the first place, so I’m sorry if I misread or misinterpreted. But regardless, I hope I was able to help you somehow anyway, and at the very least give you something to think about. <3
Anonymous asked (2/22/2012 11:07PM):
any more messages to answer?
One that I got just three hours ago, but haven’t been able to think about enough to answer properly.. chances are hon, if you’re the one who said they send in something yesterday, then I didn’t get it. :[ None of the messages I have are from yesterday.
So it’d probably be a good idea to send it in again, and could you please try to be a little patient about it?
Anonymous asked (2/24/2012 1:48AM):
my boyfriend cheated with my best friend. I named my butterflies on my wrist for the butterfly project after her because I thought she cared about me. what am I supposed to do? she’s my only real friend! or rather shewas.. help me, please?
Oh no, sweetie I’m so sorry. :( That’s awful, that’s one of the worst things you can go through.
I’m not too terribly sure of a good way to recover from something like that, either. :[ Betrayal from both sides is one of the worst things you can go through. You thought you could trust them both, and they both stabbed you in the back.. there’s no easy way to move on. Especially if you feel she was your only true friend. :/
I don’t mean to make you lose all hope by saying that. Rather, I’m trying to help you realize it’s okay to feel hurt and upset about it. It’s a perfectly normal way to react from something like that. Really, the only thing I think you *can* do to move on and recover is to remove both of them from your life. Completely. I know that will hurt just as much as, if not more than what they did in the first place, but with what they just did to you, it needs to be done. There is no excuse. That is absolute betrayal and complete lack of respect. They don’t deserve any spot near you at all. So don’t give it to them. Don’t give them any second chances. Don’t let them try again. If they were truly sorry, they wouldn’t have done it in the first place.
If it makes you feel better, you can talk to them both about it first and tell them what you’re doing, rather than just blocking them everywhere without warning and ignoring them for good. But, the end result needs to be the same, whether you tell them first or not. It will hurt, yes; it will take time to move on, yes; you will miss them terribly, yes. But you *will* move on. Eventually, it won’t hurt anymore. Someday, you’ll have a new best friend and a new boyfriend. And these two will no longer have any place in your life. As it should be.
That will be a very long and difficult journey for you, dear. But, it’s not impossible, and it is very achievable. As is the result of human nature and human resiliency. We can recover from anything. :]
Anonymous asked (2/24/2012 1:49AM):
<3 You’re beautiful, dear.
Anonymous asked (2/24/2012 2:17AM):
i have had a really disturbing feeling for a while. i’m 15 and i haven’t had a boyfriend or never kissed someone. like, i’m not normal. i am not a ugly and i can have boyfriend if i’d like to but i think my standards are too high or the boys i like, they don’t like me.. so it’s like kind of situation like i’ve found the boy but we don’t communicate and it stops there. my good friend said that she would be depressed if she wouldn’t have kissed someone yet and that made me feel terrible
Well love, the important thing to remember here is that there is absolutely no rush whatsoever to have your first kiss or your first boyfriend. Society would like to beg to differ, and so would everyone else who isn’t yet mature enough to know how unimportant it really is, but truly, it absolutely does not matter how fast you do or don’t end up with somebody. Especially at your age; you’re so young still, and it sounds like you *choose* not to be with anybody. Which, really, makes me proud of you in of itself. :] Don’t rush to be with somebody if you don’t want to be, or if you don’t feel like you’ll truly like the person. So what if it doesn’t work out? If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. It’s never the end of the world. Learn to love yourself first, and mature as yourself, and grow as yourself, before you try to love someone else. Plus, taking your time when it comes to relationships just means you’ll end up with someone more mature, and more likely to treat you correctly. :]
So, don’t worry yourself love. <3 You’ll end up with someone when the time is right. Don’t rush anything, just let it happen naturally. :)
Anonymous asked (2/24/2012 4:10AM):
To the person who’s 15 & has never been kissed: I’m 16 -nearly 17- and I’ve never been kissed nor had a boyfriend and I know others who are the same (and none of us are ugly or anything). Dont worry about it. It will happen when it does. Everyone finds someone some day and one day you will be kissed.
There you go! Exactly, thank you! <3 I’m so happy that others out there feel the same way. :) It doesn’t matter how old you are when you get your first kiss; when you get it, you get it, and it’s just as special regardless of whether you were 13 or 18. It’s just really too bad that so many people are in such a rush to get it in order to ‘fit in’ and ‘feel accepted’ that they don’t even truly appreciate it. When the time is right, someone right for you will come along, and you will experience it when you’re meant to. No need to rush things at all. :)
Thank you again, love, for sending this in. Reinforcing messages are always super helpful. :D <3
Anonymous asked (2/26/2012 5:29AM):
When my friend threatens to commit suicide, I call her to make sure she knows how loved she is and how things will get better. But lately, whenever something is wrong with her and I show concern, she tells me things like, “I’m fine, leave me the f*** alone, I’m not going to kill myself, you’re just annoying me when you try and talk to me”. And the next day she comes crying to me because “no one cares”. I am running out of patience, and now I’m depressed. I feel like I’ve failed her.
Oh honey, don’t feel that way. <3 You haven’t failed her at all; if anything, she’s failed you. You have actually done everything a friend can possibly do, by telling her how beautiful life is and reminding her how much she has to live for. Not just any friend will do that for somebody, so really, the fact that you do that alone speaks wonders. Unfortunately, what it sounds like to me is that she never actually intends to commit suicide, but rather threatens to do so for the attention, and is tired of it always coming from you. She probably wants ‘new’ attention from different people, and thinks that because you’re the one who gives it, nobody else will think they need to so therefore if she pushes you away, other people will come. And then, when she sees that even if you’re not there, nobody else comes, she goes to the only source of attention she knows she’ll get, and goes back to you. That’s not someone who’s really suicidal; that’s someone who just wants the spotlight, and going about it in the complete wrong way. If she was truly suicidal, first off, she probably wouldn’t be telling anybody, and secondly, she certainly wouldn’t be doing what she does. She’s just fishing for as much love and affection as she can. Which, in truth, is not a bad thing to seek, but doing it like that is *not* the way to go about it.
Unfortunately though, I’m not too sure how you can get her to realize what she’s doing or get her to stop. But, what you *can* do is not blame yourself for it. It’s perfectly understandable for you to run out of patience, because when you’re used like that, it’s normal to. But it’s not your fault at all. So please, don’t feel depressed. <3 What you can try to do to fix it, is mention to her what you feel about her doing this, that she can’t just keep going back and forth all the time, that you’re just trying to help her and you don’t think she should push you away like that, that she needs to wake up a little and see the reality of things, that people *do* care and that life really *is* beautiful and that she’ll see that so many more people care about her if she tries to stop being so self-pitying. Of course, you can word all that however you choose to if you do talk to her about it at all, but it’s something I think she needs to hear. Because, if she doesn’t stop, she might lose a good friend in you, and that’s not something that’s desirable for either of you. If it’s preventable, then you should try to do what you can before what you have falls apart. Which is entirely possible, and I wish you the best of luck in doing so. :] <3
Anonymous asked (2/26/2012 5:34AM):
hi, I’m the girl who had the dad problems. yup HAD. with your advice, I finally got up the nerve to tell my best friend what was going on. we went to a counselor and I’ve been removed from the house and am staying with her. it was hard to get away, but I’m walking away with only a broken rib a black eye and a hairline fractured wrist. you literally saved my life, and I can’t tell you how much it means that he won’t hit me anymore. I’m finally safe. thank you so much Jen, thank you so much. ily<3
Oh my god, that is absolutely fantastic, you have NO idea how light my heart felt reading this. :D :D I’m so happy for you!! That’s wonderful! See how telling someone really can help to save your life? :))) It was NEVER your fault, love. I’m so glad I could help you to realize that, and open up to someone and get yourself out of that situation. SO glad. You have no idea. Oh this makes me so happy. Keep staying your strong, gorgeous self sweetheart, you’ve more than earned the happiness you have in your life now. :D Don’t let anyone take it away from you!
(P.S. You have all my thoughts and well wishes towards a swift recovery from your injuries. :) The less they bother you, the better. <3 )
Anonymous asked (3/22/2012 1:51AM):
is it not a little ironic that you think cigarettes are a reason to be alive? haha
Well, let me clarify first off: the reasons that I post here are not necessarily reflective of my own opinion. Most of them aren’t actually. And, if I may venture my personal thoughts, since I don’t normally, I do not believe cigarettes are a reason. I find it just as ironic as all the people who have commented.
But, it doesn’t mean you should bash it either. Even if it may be ironic, cigarettes probably are someone’s real, legit reason to love being alive. They may help them feel more alive, or help them to escape somewhere, or for any reason whatsoever. It’s not yours or mine to judge or disapprove of. I mean, hey, even though I disagree, someone still submitted it as a reason and I still made it for them just like all the others. So let them have their reasons to love life, no matter what they may be, and you can still have yours. :]
(Forgive me for answering this one before all the other messages I still have in my inbox, but it’s appropriate and immediately relevant. The weekend approaches, and I hope to get to everything I have as soon as I can, since my situation is starting to look much brighter. :] )
Anonymous asked (4/02/2012 11:47AM):
please help me. i’m very jealous. my and my good friend were at the bd party together and the girl who had a birthday, we three have had some girls nights. so i found out that the girl invited her to somewhere but not me, and that they 2 were at my good friend’s place at sleepover. so i came veryyy sad because i wanted to be with them too but i was the one who wasn’t invited. and today at school we weren’t talking at all. later she asked what’s wrong, why i’m ignoring her but it was opposite….
Okay, first off, let me apologize for answering this so grievously late. D: You sent this at the end of February, and I am *so* so very sorry for not being put together enough to continuing giving advice until just now. And even now, I’m still pretty busy with schoolwork. :C But, as I’m feeling better overall, I’ll still do my best to help you. <3
Well, I wouldn’t take it like that at all. It’s quite possible that the two of them just wanted to hang out with each other, and still not feel anything against you whatsoever. That would be like if you just wanted to hang out with just one of them, and then the other one a couple of nights later, or maybe not, depending on what you feel like.. it is entirely possible for it to be harmless, is what I’m saying.
But, if you truly feel upset about it, I would come clean to them both and say that you felt hurt when they did something without you, and that you would appreciate honesty when they tell you why. If they say that nothing was meant by it, and that they just wanted to spend time with each other, then that’s fine! You three don’t always have to be a group of three. You guys can do things on a one-on-one basis as well. And really, there’s no need to feel jealous about it. The fact that you guys may be able to do that is actually something to be proud of. :]
But, yes, if you really don’t think that’s what it is, or still feel irked by it, then just sit down and talk to them both, and admit what’s wrong. Try to do it as calmly and honestly as possible, and as your good friends, they should do their best to respond in the same manner. And then, you guys will be able to resolve the issue, with no hard feelings, no harm done, and no friendships lost. :)
Just don’t hide it from either of them, or lie to them about it. There’s no need for that if they’re really good friends of yours. You should be able to tell them and go to them with anything. <3
Anonymous asked (4/02/2012 9:22PM):
I have a problem. My friend doesn’t listen me. Like i told her something and she is like yeayea and talks something other, sometimes i really ask her, what did i say and she is like whaat. Sometimes i madly say to her, will you please listen me. It seem that she isn’t interested about what i talk but i really like spend time with her.
Hmm. :( That really does suck, doesn’t it.
Unfortunately, as much as you like spending time with her, she doesn’t sound like a good person to be around. If she doesn’t listen to you to that extent, then I think it’s time for you to stop hanging out with her and find some new friends you enjoy spending time with. Even if that means spending some time by yourself for a little while, you’d be more at peace and more happy with yourself - and not to mention less frustrated - than if you kept trying to be her friend. Normally, I would say to sit down with her and try to talk to her, but in this situation, I can see how that wouldn’t work. I don’t think she’d take you seriously enough to pay real attention to you at all. You can still try to, if you want to at least be able to say you tried, but I wouldn’t count on getting anywhere with it aside from getting more frustrated and upset. So, really, it doesn’t sound like she’ll even notice if you walk away and find someone more true of a friend to give your attention to. Because, she most certainly doesn’t deserve yours.
And I hope you’re able to do that as easily as I make it sound. <3 I know how hard it can be to walk away from someone you really want to spend time with. But, sometimes, it needs to be done for your own sake.
Anonymous asked (4/04/2012 3:28PM):
I’m in love with my best friend.
And that right there, love, may or may not be an absolutely wonderful thing, depending on your situation and how you want to handle it. :]
If you want to tell me more about it, please feel free to do so. <3 But until then, act however you feel is right, be true to yourself, and do what you to to make yourself happy. Follow your gut instincts. I’ve never, ever known mine to be wrong. :]
Anonymous asked (4/04/2012 10:07PM):
hey- so I had this great thng wth a guy once last year. we got alng soo well and everythng was good, till we made out. we did it a lot and thn stopped bc i startd fights. the thing is, i wanted more than a thing wth him and i did not know hw to deal with it. about half a year later he texted me asking me to talk about things, we did and everythngs fine now, but its nt the same. we’re not texting or anything just flirting during class. its guarded, and idk where i stand w him. what do i do?
Well, hmmm, the only thing I can think of that might fix the situation is to sit down with him, again, and really talk to him again. Be completely honest with him about what you feel now and what you felt then, and about the fact that you’re not sure where you stand. If you hold nothing back and are entirely open with him, he should be the same with you in return, and at the very least, you will then find out what he feels and where you stand. Even though it may not be exactly what you want to hear, that’ll drop down a lot of the walls between you two, leave you knowing for sure what’s going on, and maybe even reopen the possibility for something more than a thing to happen with him again.
But, first, you do need to talk to him again. It may not feel very easy to do, especially if things are already guarded, but if you tell him that you seriously want to talk to him, there’s no reason why he wouldn’t let you and give you an opportunity to really repair how things have turned out.
It’s worth a shot at least, right? Don’t you think? :]
Anonymous asked (4/05/2012 1:31AM):
I feel like all my friends know what they want to do with their lives, and I thought I wanted to be a writer and I used to love writing, but lately I feel like writing is more of a chore and taking up too much time. But then I panic because if I don’t want to be a writer, then what am I going to be? Graduation is in a few months and I’m scared because I don’t know what my future holds. I keep getting anxiety attacks and crying because I haven’t a clue what my passion is or how to figure this out
Ironically enough, love, I’ve had this same problem myself. I’m in school to be an art major, and am graduating in a month too, and have had more than my fair share of breakdowns wondering why I’m in here for art because I absolutely used to love it, and I don’t anymore, and it feels like more of a job than it does like a hobby. There is a reason for that; I can’t explain it all that well right now, but quite often, kids who take classes or make their major concerning something they love to do, the work required often ruins their love for the subject. Such as, if you love to read, but all the reading for class squashes your desire to do it for fun. The same with my desire to make art and your desire to write. It’s the same effect. A really unfortunate one, but it happens all the time. :[
But, the good news is, once school is done and you’re free to do as you want on your own and get whatever job it is you want, that love for writing will very likely come back on its own. It’s not that you don’t know what your passion is or don’t know what you’re going to be, it’s that you need to let your love for writing trickle back to you in its own time, and hey, you very well may still be some sort of writer. :]
I know that’s a lot to grasp and make yourself believe in a short amount of time, and that it doesn’t do much good for you while waiting for the desire to come back, but I’m just trying to say that you feeling that way is perfectly normal, and in no way means that you’re in school for the wrong thing or that your life will amount to a giant failure. Things like this happen all the time. All it means is that you need to take some time to yourself, as much as you can, after you graduate, to let your old passions come back to you, to find yourself, to maybe find some new passions, and to just make it until that perfect opportunity and that perfect epiphany comes your way. And trust me, it definitely will. Even if it takes a little while, it most definitely will. You won’t feel like this forever. Guaranteed. :]
Anonymous asked (4/05/2012 9:03AM):
my boyfriend became my best friend. we’ve been together for over a year now. i got really close to all his friends. but now i don’t have feelings for him the same way anymore. i don’t want to lose him as a friend or any of my other friends by breaking up with him. what do i do?
Hmmm. That’s a pickle you have yourself in, isn’t it. :(
Well, the only thing you can do that I can think of is to sit down with him and talk to him. Do it face to face, when you have as much time to do it as possible, and tell him how you’re feeling, what you don’t want to happen and how you’re not to how to go about it. If you go about it as respectfully as possible, and as gently as possible, he may repay the favor by allowing you to still be his friend - albeit in time, not right now to give him time he’ll need to recover - and, his friends should do the same, once they learn what happened. As long as you’re upfront and honest about it, I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to still stay friends with him after a little while, or stay friends with all of his friends.
Depending on what you want out of it, maybe you could consider giving it another shot to revitalize your feelings for him? I mean, still talk to him, of course, but instead of ending your relationship and continuing on as friends, if you wanted to, maybe you could ask for the both of you to try to rekindle the feelings again. If that makes any sense? It’s definitely doable, if you both want to badly enough; but if you don’t, then the entire point is moot, and my first suggestion is the one you should probably go with.
I really hope it works out for you for the best, hon. You don’t want to lose good friendships, but at the same time, you don’t want to lie to both yourself and him by staying with him when you don’t feel the same way you used to. It’s, at the very least, respectful, to talk to him and tell him the truth. He deserves to know. And, I really hope it goes over well, and nothing less than the best situation possible becomes true for you. <3
perfectfuckup4life asked (4/05/2012 3:31PM):
I just wanna say that I’m sooo happy for that anon. that got out of the bad situation with her dad. I hope karma comes back HARD and kicks them in the butt!!!!!
I know the message you’re talking about is now in the messages archive, but I just wanted to publish this anyway, because, why not. :D
Who *wouldn’t* be happy for her? <3
Anonymous asked (4/07/2012 4:10AM):
I love this blog
Thank you, love, really. :) I’m so glad that you do. <3
Anonymous asked (4/08/2012 2:30PM):
i like a guy
Do you? :]
Well then love, why don’t you let him know? <3
Anonymous asked (4/10/2012 4:39PM):
I know that I have people in my life that care about me but some days I wish I didn’t so I didn’t have to try to explain to them why it hurts when I have no reason
You know love, I’ve felt the exact same way, quite often recently in fact. :[ It always feels like you’re overreacting, like there’s no reason to feel the way you do, like you don’t want to bother them with your piddly little problems, like they’re better off just thinking you’re as happy as can be.. I’ve definitely been there. I’m still there, actually, from the last two months or so. But I can assure you, as I’m trying to teach myself the exact same thing, those people truly do care about you for a reason. You’re upset for a real reason as well; it’s not something stupid. Those people are there *to* be bothered by what’s bothering you. Those people are there for you to go to so that you don’t have to bear your burdens alone. Those people will not love you one ounce less for anything you may choose to go to them for. They love you. They’re there to keep you from hurting anymore. <3
Although, if the actual act of explaining is part of the pain, then I suggest writing out what exactly it is that’s on your mind, to just give to them on the premises that they understand why you’re not talking about it, or to read off of so you don’t need to think about it more than you have to. That is exactly what I plan to do as soon as I have time to. And, I can only imagine how much it’s going to help my own sanity and well being. If you’re in a difficult enough situation - or even if you’re not - it may be something you might want to look into as well. <3
Don’t resent the people who care for you, love. Be happy for them. They’re there to prevent pain from happening to you. All you need to do is let them.
Anonymous asked (4/11/2012 12:40PM):
Well I cut myself, but not that bad, it’s been 2 days since I have though & I seriously want to. So badly. I remember telling myself that no matter what I will never hurt myself but I want to so bad now.. I didn’t think it would get this bad. But I think it is & I still refuse to tell ANYBODY.
Sweetie.. :( Honestly, I don’t think there’s such a thing as not cutting yourself ‘too badly.’ You still do it, whether it’s really bad or not. :[
And, I know I’ve taken a while to answer this, but I really want you to do your best to stop completely, and I really, really hope you haven’t done anything to yourself since you sent this. If that means dropping all sense of pride and telling somebody, then so be it. If you’re surprised at it being this bad, if you remember promising yourself before that you’d never do this, and especially if it is now and you can’t control what you do to yourself, you really need somebody’s help. It doesn’t even have to be professional - just tell a trusted friend, a parent, a teacher, a sibling, just anybody who cares for you who will be able to help you stop, and who will be able to help you love yourself enough again so that you won’t feel the need to do that to yourself.
I do appreciate what it took for you to admit that to me, love, even on anon. But, you need to be strong, and admit it to someone close to you too. You need to stop having that mindset of refusing to tell anybody, because after all, you told me, didn’t you? And in order to stop doing it, and feel better, at this point, you need someone else’s help. So please, for your own sake, seek somebody out, alright? At least think about it. You’ll be so grateful to yourself in the future. <3
Anonymous asked (4/12/2012 7:45PM):
i’m so sad. like, i pushed my best friend and crush away, they rarely talk with me, it seems like im so annoying and i have no life, no friends who i could hang out every weekend, like, i have to be always that one who makes the plan, maybe they are just busy and i’m overthinking, i don’t know anymore. i can smile at school, but at home i’m just so sad. my good friend doesn’t talk with me as much as we used to. it seems like i’m the one who is open and they dont even care :(
Oh love, don’t think of it that way. :( It’s not that you don’t have a life, it’s not that you’re annoying, it’s not that they don’t care.. in all likelihood, you and your friends are just drifting apart. And, as much as that hurts, that is a very natural, to be expected part of life, and even though it hurts as it’s occurring, it makes room for new people, new friends, new crushes.. truly, it’s not as sad sounding as you may think.
But, just because that may be what’s happening, doesn’t mean that you can’t act on it somehow. What I would suggest, is back off of trying to hang out with them or contact them as often as you have been, and if they come back to you, asking you to do something on their own or asking if you’re alright or something of the sort, then you know they’re true friends, and you may not be drifting apart after all. But if they don’t, well, letting them go may very well be the best thing to do in that situation. I know, it really, really hurts, and you don’t want things to change, and I know how nostalgic thinking about it makes you, but change is the fruit of life. Even when we don’t want it to, it still happens. So, we may as well embrace it, really. Which is why I think now would be a good idea to explore yourself a little bit, to think about being your own friend until someone new enters your life. Stop thinking that staying in by yourself on weekends is such a bad thing. Start embracing your own company. Start finding hobbies that you love to do and can never seem to have enough time to put into them. Let your own thoughts entertain you. Be your own best friend for a while. Trust me, not only will that make this stage that much more bearable, it will make your future friendships all that much more fulfilling. <3
I know it’s not as easy to do as it is for me to suggest it. But, it’s something to think about at the very least, right? :]
Anonymous asked (4/16/2012 10:05PM):
Hey :) I found your blog yesterday, and I went through the whole thing! I think it’s really fantastic of you to do this, I know it must help so many people out there. I’m not really the kind of person to get all sad about life, I’m usually really happy, but even then, it brings my spirits up more! Also, this might be random, but I really like the way you put the words into the pictures, and they’re all gorgeous and aesthetically pleasing! Keep it up, and I’m glad to be a follower!
And even though this message is a month old, it still absolutely made my day to re-read it. Even though I’m not giving answering it any justice at all. I kind of just want it here.
Thank you so much love. Don’t stop being your gorgeous self. <3
Anonymous asked (4/17/2012 11:49PM):
hi :) first of all,i love your blog,it’s amazing! keep it up. but my problem is that I have no friends at all. i have no one to talk to in real life,no one to hang out with,no one to smile with,no one! and I’m really sad. and I don’t know how to and where to meet new people. any advice? :)
Thank you love! I’ll do my best to. :) <3
Hmmm. Well, considering how I am in the same boat, but this is how I prefer it, I’ll see what I can do to help you with that. The best thing I can suggest to do, first off, is not to try too hard. Don’t go out deliberately with the intention of meeting new people, but rather, go about your own life, doing your own thing, and let new people enter your life naturally. But, that’s not to say that you can’t alter little things about your daily routine to include more places with lots of people in them. Such as.. changing your route to and from classes, if you’re in school. Sign up for some clubs or after-class activities. Make it a point to stop at busier cafes, or do your studying and homework in public places. Spend your free time in public places too. Don’t be afraid of making small talk, or conversation, with anyone who may look interesting, such as in line for a coffee, or waiting at the bus stop, or that one person you always sit next to in class. True, it’s likely that they won’t turn into real friendships, but really, you never know who you might hit it off with and where. Typically, the best relationships and the most loyal friendships occur when you’re not actively seeking them out. They just tend to happen on their own.
But, that’s not to say that you can’t give trying a fair shot. That one girl sitting on the other side of the room in class just might be your future best friend. :]
pinktutuz asked (4/19/2012 3:50PM):
In preschool I met my best friend. We did everything together like soccer, dance, and theater. She began to get more into soccer and I quit soccer and began doing dance seriously. Even though we didn’t do the same activities we were still best friends. Then in 8th grade we were applied for different high schools. I chose to go to an all girls school and she decided to go to a co-ed high school. We promised each other we were still going to best friends even though we weren’t going to go to school together. Were at the beginning of high school; we called each other on the first day of school and texted almost every day. Then around november she stopped responding to my texts and she wouldn’t respond to me on facebook until the next day even though i saw she was online. Then when i was invited to her birthday party in December she only hug out with her friends from her school and my friend and I were kidda just out of the whole group. We tried to talk to them but they just brushed off off because they probably thought we were wierd because we went to an all girls school. I realized the my best friend that I would tell everything too, that i trusted, that i would come to for advice, who helped me get through my many insecurities….. she was different and we weren’t going to have as strong as friendship anymore. Now when the few times she actually responds to my texts or messages or calls they are brief. I’ve lost my best friend and I feel Alone.
I’m very sorry to hear all that, love. :( But, as hurtful and upsetting as it is, that sounds to me like a textbook scenario of friends just drifting apart, despite how close they used to be. Sometimes, lack of contact and just being at two different schools is all it takes to disintegrate a friendship. Which, really, is very unfortunate, and honestly quite sucks. But, it happens, and it’s a completely natural part of life. I’ve had my own extremely good friendships fall apart just because one of us moved or because we stopped sharing classes or because I left for college. It happens all the time. :(
But, that’s not to say that you can’t move on and feel fine afterwards either. True, it hurts - a lot, maybe - and yes, you’re going to miss her, memories of her are going to make you feel nostalgic.. that all is completely normal. But what you should do your best to do is accept that you two have drifted apart, that your friendship is not what it used to be anymore, and that you still have yourself and your own person, and remind yourself that it is nowhere near impossible to make new friendships that may be as good as, or even better than, the ones you came from. Sure, friends come, friends go. But what people fail to remember when friends go is that it makes more room for new friends to come, and try again with, at the current stage you are at in your life. It’s natural, it’s normal, it’s healthy, and if you accept that it happens, you’ll find it hurting a whole lot less than if you try to blame yourself for anything or find yourself wishing that things happened differently. There’s no point in beating yourself up over it. Just try to accept it, cherish the memories as memories, and move on. <3
Anonymous asked (4/25/2012 4:07PM):
How can i stop being too clingy and needy. I don’t have any friend due to my social anxiety and my boyfriend is getting tired of me being clingy so what step can i take can i take to stop being cling.
Hmmm, what I think, love, is that you need to love yourself more. Accept yourself more. Come to terms that you are who you are, accept your ways, your appearance, your mannerisms, love yourself. And when that truly happens, you won’t worry so much about what other people think. You won’t feel as if you *need* other people in your life either. You won’t be so scared of losing them. You’ll realize that the people in your life are beautiful compliments to it, that you both help each other and improve and grow alongside each other, instead of needing them to be there in order to do so.
So start thinking of it that way, instead. Stop thinking that you’ll be empty if you lose them, if you screw up, if you do something wrong. Don’t think that you’ll be nothing without them. Start thinking that you’re your own person, accept who you are, spend time with yourself, tell yourself how strong and beautiful you are, really, truly love yourself. No matter *what* is going on. There is nothing that happens to us as humans that we can’t tackle. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Plus, opening up to those who are close to you still will help. If you’re open and honest with your boyfriend, for example, that you’d really like to stop being clingy, I’m sure that he will hugely appreciate the effort, even if he doesn’t know how to help. Plus, then he will be able to observe and comment on your progress, which will strengthen your relationship at the same time you’re learning to like yourself more. Don’t hide it from him. Share what you’re going through. Be upfront, be honest, admit that you’re trying to stop doing it. It will mean a lot to him, I guarantee it. Even if he doesn’t say so.
I know it’s a long process, and not a simple one at all either, but truly, if you love yourself more and love your own company more, you will really stop feeling as if you desperately need other people in order to be happy. I’ve been there, I know what it feels like. It took me a few years to do it, but, it’s worked. It’s really worked. I’m nowhere near as clingy as I once was. Self love truly does work wonders. So if you can manage to do the same, no matter how long it takes, or how many struggles you need to overcome, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work for you either. :] <3
Anonymous asked (4/27/2012 6:41PM):
Hey i read your note and I’d really like to read what you wrote/what you’re going through. You remind me of one of my best friends, always trying to look out and help others but sometimes not realizing your own value and potential. Before anything happens (like it did to my friend) I just want you to know you and your story matter. I’d love to read all 15+ pages :] Take care
:)) You are beautiful, dearie. Thank you so much for sending me this. :] <3
But can I ask you to message me unanonymously, so I can send the link in private? I do have some pretty good reasons why I don’t want it public. Once you read it, you’ll understand why, just if you could please do that for me, I’ll send it to you no problem. I hope that’s okay. :3 <3
Thank you, again, for such a sweet message. It really does wonders to help me smile. :]
Anonymous asked (4/27/2012 6:42PM):
I would like to read your story.
Can I ask you the same thing dearie? To message me off anonymous so I can answer it privately with the URL? Thank you so much. :) <3
Anonymous asked (4/28/2012 12:44AM):
Ummm, just thinking out loud here, but if so many people want to read your story, maybe you should post the link on your blog. It might be easier.
I would like to, believe me! It certainly would be easier. But, I actually do have a very good reason why it’s not posted publicly (which is explained in the story, btw): I have an ex-boyfriend, who knows the URL to this blog, who I would very much rather not know anything about how I’ve been doing, what’s been happening or who I’ve been associating with. He is the only one who I don’t want knowing anything. And because he might visit at any time.. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving the link out in the open like that. :[
And no, I’m not going to change the blog’s URL either. It fits the blog itself far too well, and besides, changing it just because I’m worried of him, and messing up what I have going for me and all of my followers, just doesn’t feel like the right thing to do. I’ve already thought about it, and this blog’s URL is staying as it is.
Plus I had absolutely NO idea that so many people would want to read it. Honestly I was expecting maybe ten people to ask for it. Nowhere near this many! You guys never cease to amaze me! <3
Anonymous asked (4/28/2012 2:01AM):
Hey! Got your message & this is my reply to ask for the link. :) Hope you’re okay!
Hey back! I’m doing much better, believe me. But, you sent this anonymously! ^^;; I’m sorry to ask for you to do it again, but could you please re-message me off of anonymous? I really don’t want the link to be published here. #sheepish
Thank you so much, I hope you understand!
Anonymous asked (4/28/2012 3:13AM):
since so many people seem to want to hear your story you could post it on a new url that has a password and put a link to it on your blog and then just give out the password only to people who ask for it off anon.
.. you know, if I can find a website that does that, or something of the sort, then I just might do that. A password is MUCH easier to give out than a link, let me tell you.
Thank you for that idea! I’ll get to working on making that possible! <3
[To everyone else: I’m so sorry for so many text posts! I had no idea this whole thing would be so popular!]
Anonymous asked (4/28/2012 5:23AM):
Hey could I have the password to read your story? Thanks, it means a lot. <3 Hope you’re doing well.
If you come off anonymous, I will very gladly give it to you. :] <3
Anonymous asked (4/29/2012 7:00AM):
I don’t know what to do, I think I have Compulsive Eating Disorder.. I hide food away in my room and eat it, I wait until my parents are out and then I go into the kitchen and just eat, and I can’t stop myself, it’s like its not even me. I don’t know how to tell me mum, I feel she’ll just think I’m overexaggerating or I’m just not healthy. Please help me:(
Oh sweetheart. :( You shouldn’t have to feel that way at all!
It does indeed sound like you have an eating disorder, and if you haven’t yet, you should really come out and tell your mom. <3 If you just up and say it, like tell her you need to talk to her and then just say it, and explain why you were worried to mention it earlier, she should take you seriously. If you’re that worried about it, then there’s no reason why she wouldn’t help you get help for it.
Or, if you’re old enough, and really don’t feel comfortable doing that, then I recommend scheduling a doctor’s appointment and telling your doctor, or going to your school nurse or physician’s office and telling them. Just, someone in the medical field who would be able to tell you for sure if that’s what you have, and then the best steps you can take to fix it. If you have the proper resources, and have the opportunities to do so, it might be possible for you to recover and move on without your mom even knowing.
It entirely depends on you which path you’d rather take, love. Be strong, be honest with your mom and likely feel much better for getting it off your chest, as well as having someone who cares about you to help you? Or take matters into your own hands, go and see someone on your own and try to recover by yourself? Either one would work, love. It depends on your situation, and what you feel is the most right. <3
I wish you the best of luck, love, and the speediest of recoveries. <3
Anonymous asked (4/29/2012 8:36PM):
my friends stop talking to me because i started hanging out with my boyfriend more often. i thought they;d understand because they had boyfriends and my other friend ditched us but came back and we accepted her. also i thought they’d understand because my parents are going thru a divorce and i just need to be happy and get my mind off things. what should i do?
Hmmm, well first, I’m sorry you’re going through that love. That can’t be an easy thing to get through. :(
But, have you thought that maybe there’s some other reason why they’re not talking to you? Maybe they’re busy or distracted by their own troubles, and don’t mean to be taking it out on you? Maybe they don’t like your boyfriend, for whatever reason?
What I think you should do, is try to talk to each of them, and figure out what’s wrong. There’s no point in sitting there wondering, or in beating around the bush and being subtle or passive-aggressive, so coming right out and asking what’s the matter is the best thing to do. I’d be honest with them, and tell them just why you’re hurt, and how badly you really do need them around, because of your parents and whatnot. And, ask them why they’re not talking to you. Give them the benefit of the doubt, since they may not have even realized that they’re doing it, so don’t be accusing about it, but, still, just ask them why. Give them a chance to explain on their own, to react naturally. And if they take it well, explaining what’s on their minds or feeling surprised that that’s what they’re doing, then all will end well soon enough. If not, if they try to come up with some fishy excuse, or try to blame you for something you didn’t really do, or anything at all that a real friend wouldn’t do, then, it may be for the best that you do what you can to stop associating with them. You don’t need friends who’ll be there for their other friends, but not for you when you need it the most.
How and when you talk to them is a decision left to you, love. But, I hope you’re able to do it soon. You don’t want to be in a situation like that any longer than you have to be. <3
Anonymous asked (4/29/2012 10:00PM):
ok so im like crazy about this boy and we dated for six months. he moved
Oh sweetie, I’m sorry. :( That kind of thing is never easy on anybody.
But, what’s saying that you can’t still be together? What’s keeping you from making it long distance? Granted, it will be difficult, considering that you were once physically close, and especially if you had never done it before, but, it’s nowhere near impossible. You could definitely manage it, if you really wanted to.
I’d say, if it’s not too late to, to talk to him, if you haven’t already, and see if he agrees on keeping the relationship going. If he doesn’t, find out why. If he does, well then, by all means, go for it. If you care for somebody enough, it doesn’t matter how close to you they live. You can make it work if you want to badly enough, guaranteed. <3
Anonymous asked (4/30/2012 3:11AM):
He is perfect, everything I have ever wanted but he played me. I don’t know what to do because I want to get over him so bad but I just can’t something about him makes me want him so bad. I always wonder if he ever thinks about me or every imagines us being together like i do. I want him to pull me close and kiss me or hug me even. He is my good friend right now but he gets frustrated really easily so I’m always afraid that I will say something stupid and get him mad but I don’t know what to do.
Well sweetie, I hate to say it, but if he’s played you before, and if you’re afraid that you being you will piss him off, then maybe you should do your best to get over him. :[ And, unfortunately, the best way I know of to do that is to stop talking to him completely (at least for now).
Yeah, that does mean going so far as to defriend him on facebook, removing his number from your phone, his screennames from your buddy lists, his friend status on any other website where you’re friends with him.. maybe even block him, so that he has no way to contact you. The less you hear and see of him, and the less temptation there is to go and check up on him, the quicker you’ll get over him and the less pain you’ll go through. Someone like that does not sound like good news, especially if he already did something to hurt you before.
If it’ll help you feel better, then you could also tell him of what you’re doing before you do it, so that he doesn’t get mad at you just disappearing off the face of the planet, and so that there’ll be a chance for you two to be friends again in the future, once your feelings are gone. Nothing’s saying that that can’t happen. But, it’d be a long time coming, since feelings like that don’t just disappear overnight.
I know you think he’s perfect, dearie. But he can’t be too perfect if he already messed up once, and if he makes you scared to act naturally for fear of pissing him off (which, yes, is what he’s doing). The rest of his qualities could be fantastic, but those already make being with him an iffy thing, and any relationship with him a rocky one. In my opinion, without knowing the rest of the story, you don’t need someone like that in your life. So, removing him from it, until the feelings causing the problem are gone, seems to me like the best plan of action.
I hope you’ll be able to do that, love. It takes a lot of self control, and a lot of patience and determination, but without even knowing you, I know there’s absolutely no reason why you wouldn’t be able to do it. <3
Anonymous asked (4/30/2012 4:37PM):
That was beautiful strong story wow your strong if that ever happened to me i wouldnt think i could wright this Im happy for u ur very strong:D
Thank you so much sweetheart! <3 That’s incredibly sweet of you to say, thank you! Although, you never know what you can get through until you’re thrown in a hard situation, so you probably could get through something like that just the same way. Don’t doubt yourself. :]
But, again, really.. thank you. :)
Anonymous asked (4/30/2012 6:36PM):
You are such a strong, strong person. Thank you for sharing your story. Much love.
:)) Thank you so much dearie. <33 Thank YOU for reading it!
Anonymous asked (4/30/2012 6:40PM):
I love your blog!!<3
:D Thank you so much dearie! <3
Anonymous asked (4/30/2012 7:43PM):
hi! okay, so I’m going to London for an exchange next week, for about a week. now my exchange partner just sent me a message explaining that her grandma has terminal cancer and really doesn’t have long left. and that, if her family seems emotional and stuff, i shouldn’t worry because it’s not because of me.. but i really wouldn’t know how to react if her grandma were to die while I’m there, or even how to reply now to that message! No one I was close to ever died, so I don’t know how to react..
Well, coincidentally enough, someone that I loved dearly just recently died, so I can actually help with that more so now than I could’ve before. <3
Although, reading more into your message tells me that you’re already home. I’m so, so sorry that I couldn’t get to your message in time, in that case. :( I really hope you managed the situation as best as you could. <3
But, in case you want to look back and think of how you handled it, or in case you’re still communicating with your exchange partner, all that you could be able to do is just be as supportive and compassionate as you can be. There’s nothing you’ll really be able to do for them, and really, it is absolutely no fault of yours, so just offering your shoulder to cry on and your ear for listening would be the best thing you could do, even now. If I were you, I’d still keep in touch with her just to give her a good friendship to turn to whenever she needs cheering up or someone to help her smile, because in this stage of her life, she really needs someone like that. Even if she already has good friends where she lives, and even if she politely turns you down, she’ll forever appreciate your attempts and your caring and concern. Just, try to be there for her as much as you can be. When you’re just about to lose someone you love dearly, or recently after they’ve been lost, all that anyone can do for you is be supportive, and provide a good support network for them.
Again, I’m so so sorry I didn’t answer this before your trip. :( But, I hope it went well, I hope you enjoyed it as much as you could, and more importantly, I hope you’re able to help your partner as much as you’re able to. Just be there for her. That’s all you *can* do. <3
Anonymous asked (4/30/2012 9:54PM):
hi, i really like this blog! and i need some advice. so i really like this guy but i dont know how or when to talk to him. i never know what to say and i dont know what to right things are to say. (if that made any sence) please help? xx
Thank you love! <3
But hmmm, let’s see. That is a bit troublesome, isn’t it. :( Well, the best thing I can suggest, in all honesty, is to just be yourself. If there aren’t any situations where you can naturally strike up a conversation with him, then as it is, he may not be the best guy to pursue. Being bold about it does require some guts and creativity to make it work. It’s not impossible, but it is more difficult. Naturally talking to him whenever there’s a chance to is, I think, a much more successful way of getting his attention. Plus then, if he does start to develop feelings back, it’s on his own and not forced at all.
Plus, you don’t want to worry about the right things to say at all. Just take deep breaths, be calm, be natural, and just say things you would normally say. Don’t try to be overly clever or witty or flirty or anything, just be entirely yourself. If you can’t charm him over that way, well, then he’s not falling for *you* then is he? He’s falling for who you’re pretending to be. And that isn’t what you want to happen.
So what I’m thinking, is if you can’t approach him naturally and if you’re finding yourself unable to be yourself, then maybe he’s not the right guy for you. That’s not saying that what you’re feeling isn’t just nerves - that is entirely possible, likely even - but, when you’re nervous, you tend to try to mold yourself into who you think the person you’re trying to impress will like the most. And you really want to avoid doing that. So, if you’re unable to keep from being nervous, if you can’t relax and just.. be you, then, it might be best to try to find someone else to focus your heart’s attentions on.
Because, I’ve found, that when the right person comes along, you won’t feel nervous about it at all. Everything that is meant to happen, will happen, so smoothly and so naturally that you’ll wonder where everything came from. You’ll barely even have to work at it. <3
Anonymous asked (5/01/2012 1:52AM):
my best friend isnt best friends with me. shes my best friend and i want to hang out with her, but she hangs out with someone else. i cry in the restroom stalls during lunch at school. once someone heard me and knocked on the door lol. but how do i get a friend because she was my only friend :(
:( I’m so sorry to hear that sweetheart.. nobody deserves to feel that way.
But, an important thing to remember is that you can’t force anyone to be your friend. You can’t force anyone to be close to you, or to feel the same way for you as you do for them, even in friendship. So, really, other than making more of an effort to be naturally chatty with those around you, and placing yourself in more situations with lots of people to potentially meet, there’s not all that much you can do to work towards making new friendships. Anything more forced than that is less than genuine, and that’s not the kind of relationship you want at all.
What I’ve found is that, when you’re not actively looking for relationships (of any kind) is when they tend to find you. So, I would suggest to you to try your best to stop trying so hard. Let people gravitate towards you, rather than risking being overeager and pushing them away. And in the meantime, do what you can to be more happy with your own company, and try teach yourself that you really don’t need other people’s around you to be happy. Because, in all honesty, you really don’t. If you enjoy being with yourself enough, your own thoughts and interests and hobbies and quality of life, then not only will you find yourself being much happier overall, you’ll also find yourself no longer actively hunting for friendships, because you’ll be happy as you already are. And then, friendships will start coming to find you, rather than the other way around. People tend to gravitate towards those who are naturally warm and welcoming, and already happy with their lives before they entered it. Because, friends should not be a necessary component in life: they should be a very enjoyable compliment.
I hope that gives you something to think about dearie, and puts you on the right path towards becoming more happy and finding some real friends.. ones who love you no matter what, and will never leave you no matter what’s going on or what you’re going through. Eventually, you will find those friends. Guarantee it. <3
Anonymous asked (5/01/2012 2:47AM):
do you by any chance know what store is in the background of the ” going shopping and buying new clothes” picture?
I don’t unfortunately, no. :[ I just found it while searching for pictures to use. Sorry!
Anonymous asked (5/01/2012 7:43PM):
Do you think I could have the password to your story?? Please let me know! thanks!
I’d be very happy to give it to you if you came off anonymous. :3
Anonymous asked (5/01/2012 8:52PM):
I hate my life. My parents take everything away from me- i dont have my phone so i cant talk to the person i like, my ipod is taken, and im not aloud to go anywhere. i cant stand it here and i cant talk to anyone. i have nothing. the kid probably doesnt like me anymore cause i havent talked to him in a week. i just dont know what to do…
:(( That’s awful sweetheart, really that is, I’m so sorry.
But, let’s see.. do your parents give reasons why they take things away from you? Any reason at all? If there’s an understandable one, then maybe it might not seem quite so bad, but as it is, I’m gathering that there aren’t any.
So, well, the best thing I can suggest is to just adapt to it as much as you can. You’re still allowed computer access? And internet access? Well, maybe you could find a way to contact the guy you like and tell him what’s going on, so that he won’t think you just disappeared. I seriously doubt he doesn’t like you anymore just from not talking to him for a week, so don’t worry about that. <3 (And if he doesn’t, well, that tells you something doesn’t it?) But, not only can you find ways to do that, you could also still talk with people via messages or emails or IMs, or anything like that, and plus, there are so many things you could do online that would pass the time so quickly, you won’t even notice that your phone or ipod are gone. You could listen to your music that way, too.
Although if they’ve taken that way too, for the most part.. then if I were you, instead of sitting around thinking about how much you hate your parents and your situation, try to find other things to do with yourself. Try to teach yourself how to do an art skill. Pick up yoga. Take short walks when the weather’s nice. Find a good book to read. Things like that, that don’t really involve going anywhere, or anybody other than yourself. At the very least, until you get your things back and your parents start treating you with respect, it should hold you over, and maybe even give you some new hobbies you find yourself loving. :]
It’s worth giving it a shot, isn’t it? It certainly sounds much better than sitting surrounded in self-pity to me. You don’t have to do that to yourself. <3
Anonymous asked (5/01/2012 11:06PM):
I feel like I don’t really have a personality. I’m shy around certain people. I feel like what’s on the outside and how I act doesn’t represent the what’s on the inside, the real me..
That doesn’t mean you don’t have a personality though! <3
I’m willing to bet, you’re young, probably early to mid teens. Because at that stage in life, you’re expected to not quite feel like yourself. You’re expected to experiment, search around, find out what it is that fits you the most. It’s guaranteed you’ll find yourself someday. <3
But even if you’re not, even if you’re older and still having identity issues like that, it’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it’s quite normal. Some people don’t truly find themselves until much later in life. Some are lucky enough to find it when they’re younger. But, the most important thing to know is that to feel what you are on the outside doesn’t match what’s on the inside is completely normal.
There are ways to try to fix it, too. <3 Try out new hobbies, talk to new types of people, take different routes in your daily routines, switch things up a bit. Try something new. Change the way you look at things, the way you think about things. Try smiling more. Allow yourself to experiment with things, and don’t get discouraged if you find yourself not quite clicking with the things you try. You’ll find what it is out there that makes you you soon enough. You really will. It just needs the right opportunity to meet you, and for you to meet it, in whatever form it is, be it an event, a person, a hobby, a food, an item.. anything at all out there. That’s the beauty in not quite knowing who you are yet. You have yet to be discovered, and the underlying potential for absolutely anything is just beautiful. <3
So try to think of it like that instead, love. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Do what you can to embrace it instead. :]
Anonymous asked (5/02/2012 4:05AM):
i have never kissed anyone or dated everyone. i’m only 13 but i feel like everyone else has…even characters in books and on TV..
Oh sweetheart, please don’t feel bad about that, at all, ever. :[
Because, there truly is no rush to get your first kiss, or to date someone. No rush at all. Society - those characters in books and TV shows, for example - wants you to think otherwise, but believe me, there is nothing bad whatsoever about being patient and waiting for the right person to come along to share those things with. It doesn’t matter if you’re 12 or 20 when it first happens, there is nothing wrong with it at all. Think about it: what’s the rush? It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it doesn’t mean there’s something undesirable about you or that you push people away. It just means that the right person hasn’t come your way yet, and at your age, you have SO much time ahead of you that there is absolutely no reason to feel rushed.
I mean, if it makes you feel any better, I didn’t go on my first date or get my first kiss until a few days before my 15th birthday. Which, actually, is quite normal. There are even some people I know who are in their 20s and still haven’t been kissed. So, really love, you have your whole life ahead of you. There’s no need to rush it at all. Be happy with the process, and in the process, because experiencing those aspects of life is not something that is meant to be pressed before its time. It’s something to be enjoyed, and savored, and looked back on fondly. So please, do what you can to not feel bad about it, okay? You’re still so young. There’s still so much for you to experience. Let everything come in its own time. <3
Anonymous asked (5/02/2012 5:23PM):
hey have you ever thought about appointing a second person to help you run this blog? must be hard considering that youre going through a tough time AND have to keep this blog afloat. tell me if you want to give it a shot and i’l message again with my email id xxxxx
I have thought about it actually, and quite a bit too, but I’m still not entirely sure if I want to or not. This whole project has become quite personal for me, and I’m not sure if I’d want to do that. Admittedly, another person helping with the submissions and everything would certainly get everything caught up faster, but it’s almost become a point of pride that I’ve handled it myself so far, and it gives me something to do, plus everyone’s been so absolutely patient with me that I feel alright with working on things when I have the time to. :] So, I don’t know if I will or not love, maybe in the future, but for right now, I think I can keep things going on my own. <3
Thank you so much for offering though! It’s really incredibly thoughtful of you, and you’re wonderful for even sending me this. :)
Anonymous asked (5/03/2012 3:07AM):
Hmm well I’m in love with my bestfriend. Sometimes he gives hints of liking me back but then his two bestfriends made up horrible lies about me so he stopped/never started liking me. I don’t know whether to talk to him or just stay bestfriends?xo
Hmmm, well, if you never knew for sure if he liked you or not, then I would suggest to just keep it to yourself and not mention it to him. Because, he may have never started liking you in the first place, so without knowing for sure, I don’t think it’d be worth risking your friendship over. That’s not to say that you could talk to him about it, find out that he’s not interested, and couldn’t keep being friends; it’s entirely possible that you still could. In fact, if you go about it right, you could just go to him and admit that you’re confused, that you’re unsure if he liked you or not, that his other friends said some rather untrue things and so you don’t know whether you should pursue the feelings you have or if you should let them go. If you approach it like that, there’s no reason I can come up with that he would take it badly, and as your best friend, he should be just as honest back. That way, you’ll know for sure, and be able to be at peace with yourself and your feelings if you find that you do need to just stay friends and get over what you feel for him.
But, if you don’t want to risk the friendship, that’s okay too. <3 But, it will be a little harder getting over him that way if you don’t know for sure how he felt for you. It’s not impossible, but, when you don’t know, that ‘what if’ will always constantly plague your brain, and delay the recovery process and make you feel the pain for longer. So, really, it’s up to you which you want to do. But the important thing is to not let yourself keep feeling this way. You do need to do something about it, whether it’s just involving yourself, or whether you choose to involve him as well. Just be sure to take care of yourself, alright? You don’t need to be hurt for long. <3
Anonymous asked (5/03/2012 4:34AM):
I think your blog is amazing, it helps me and I’m sure it helps a lot more people. I’m not very good with words but I just wanted to say thank you. May your days be forever bright, <3
:) Thank you sweetheart, so, so very much. <3 Hell, it helps *me* too even. And so do the beautiful people like you who share how appreciative they are. :]
May your smile never stray from your beautiful face. <3
Anonymous asked (5/06/2012 4:08PM):
I just wanted to tell you, I LOVE your blog. It helps me get through problems every time! Thank you so much for being who you are. You’re a beautiful person <3
:D Thank you so much! Aahh I can never answer messages like this properly. They always make me so happy. Thank you! I’m so glad you love it so much! *You’re* beautiful for telling me this. :] <3
Anonymous asked (5/07/2012 3:27PM):
This blog is seriously amazing. I have suicidal thoughts. When I do, I come to your blog and read your posts and feel better. Thank you for making this blog. It honestly has saved my life. Yes, some posts are small things. But it’s the little things that count, right? <3
Of course it’s the little things that count. :)) Oh that makes me so very happy to hear. <3 I hope that no matter what, no matter what may be posted here or what you may be feeling, somehow what I do or what this kind of thing may remind you of will always, always help you through your troubles. No one deserves to feel like they should end it. No one. And I hope you always remember that. :] <3
Anonymous asked (5/07/2012 11:28PM):
Honestly, where do I start I’m a girl. I was in love with this girl. Madly in love. And this girl stomped on my heart. And left me. And I’ve moved on sorta. But you know what they say. If the feelings real and you really love them. You never stop loving them. But there’s this new person in my life and she’s amazing. But my past girl, decided to come bak into my life. And so those feelings came back. Idk what to do.
:( That’s never an easy thing to deal with love, I’m sorry you have to go through that. :[
Although, regardless of gender and regardless of how you feel about her, if she hurt you that badly before, you really shouldn’t get back with her. I don’t know if that was on your mind at all or not, but if it was, you should try to squash it right now, because getting back with someone who hurt you is never a good idea (unless, of course, you have perfectly good reason to believe otherwise, but I don’t think that’s the case here).
But, that does nothing to make the feelings go away. What I would do, if I was you, is stay with the new girl in your life, admit to her what’s going on so she can help you, and tell the past girl that you can’t talk to her anymore - at least, until your feelings are completely gone. That way, you won’t be alone in your suffering, your girl now will understand, and the source of your problem will be gone. I know talking to both of them about either of these things will not be easy, at all, but for a happy life and to keep your sanity, they need to be done.
The girl you’re with now does deserve to be told that you’re suffering from these conflicting feelings, that you don’t want to be feeling them, that you’re confused, and that you feel she should know the truth and that you’d like her help and understanding in the situation. Hopefully, she *will* indeed understand and help you through it, rather than isolating you, getting angry, or otherwise reacting badly. If she does, well, that gets her out of your life before she can cause any real damage to you with those kinds of reactions. But if she doesn’t, and she takes it well, and helps you, then you have a keeper who will not only help you through situations like these, but who you now *know* will help you through situations like these, and therefore the relationship becomes stronger.
And as for the past girl.. you can’t talk to her anymore until your feelings are gone. If they were that strong for her, to the point where you’re confused about your current relationship, she can’t be around, at all, until the feelings are gone and you feel nothing but friendship towards her. If they’ll never get down to that level.. well, then maybe you’ll never speak to her again. And, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Someone like that, who hurt you that bad, who confuses you that much, who only wrecks what you have going on whenever she comes back.. she’s poisonous to you. You don’t want to keep her around. Somehow, as soon as possible, if she’s talking to you, you need to tell her she can’t anymore. You can’t speak to her, you can’t see her around; it needs to be as if she’s not in your life at all. That’s the only way you can recover from her, and the only way you can move on with your life.
I know neither of those things will be easy to do. At all. But, they really are necessary, in order to keep control of your life, and in order to keep yourself happy, sane, and moving forward. You don’t need that kind of drama and confusion haunting you. So work up your courage, be strong, and do what you have to. I know you’ll be fine. <3
Anonymous asked (5/08/2012 9:47PM):
i am in 7th grade. my parents are divorced and do not talk. at school my grades are fine.. and im up there in the social rank… but i feel like i annoy all my friends… how do i make them like me? idk if they like me or not and theyre really nice and funny but i feel like i annoy them a lot and i feel like im desperate
Hmmm, well one thing you need to remind yourself of love, is that you can’t force anyone to like you. If you’re being yourself, then that’s all you need to do. People will like you plenty as you already are. <3
But, let’s see. Do you have any specific reason why you feel like you annoy them? Do they treat you oddly? Differently from each other? What kind of people do they like? Has anything bad happened? Because, if nothing is really out of the ordinary, then chances are, you’re probably just over worrying. Likely, they like you just fine, and there’s nothing wrong to worry about at all. :]
But, if there is something odd about it, and they are treating you weirdly, or anything at all like that, then it might be for the best if you try to spend less time with them, and more time elsewhere until you meet some new friends. You really can’t force people to like you, so if they don’t for some reason, then the only thing you really can do is just break off from them to find some people who will.
I know that’s a lot to ask to do, and I know that it’s not an instant change, but if they are indeed treating you badly at all, then that’s what you need to be worrying about, rather than making them like you. You don’t want to change yourself or do anything to make people like that be your friend. Honestly, you don’t need people like that to be your friend at all, if they are indeed that way. So, I just hope that you’ll find the opportunity and the courage to do what you need to do (if you need to - if everything turns out to be fine, then, just keep being yourself). You’ll find your life so much better because of it. :]
Anonymous asked (5/08/2012 11:22PM):
this blog just makes me happy :)
:)) And I’m so very glad it does. <3
Anonymous asked (5/09/2012 7:16AM):
I like this guy and i can’t tell if he likes me as just a friend or more than that. What should I do?
Well love, the quickest and very best way to find out is to directly ask him. :]
Although, how exactly is very situational. How close are you two already? How exactly does he behave towards you? Does he like someone else too? What are his interests? Hobbies? How well do you two know each other? That kind of thing. Unfortunately, I can’t give you very much specific advice without knowing those kinds of details, but I can tell you that going up to him and asking him out in the best way you deem fit for the situation would be the best way to find out.
If you do, though, be sure to clarify that if he’s not interested, it’s perfectly fine, and you’re still more than happy to be friends and won’t let your feelings get in the way (if you can actually manage that; don’t lie if you won’t be able to). But if he is, then, well, he should say yes if you ask him to go somewhere or do something with you. :]
That way, no matter how scary, is the best way I can think of - if he says no, you’ll be hurt, but you’ll at least know for sure, and you’ll be able to move on and share your heart with someone else. And if he says yes, well then, there might start a new relationship for you, and you will be so very happy you were brave enough to do it. :)
Do what you can to work up the nerve to do it, hon. No matter what the results, you’ll be more than happy that you did it. And that’s not to mention how that’ll help break the ice for being more confident in the future. Everyone needs to start somewhere. :] <3
Anonymous (5/09/2012 11:17PM):
hey. i love your blog and i just want to tell you that it helps me to not hate life and to appreciate things to their fullest. thanks for helping me live my life <3 xxxxxx
Oh that is so wonderful to hear. :) Thank *you* for letting it in, for letting it affect you, for letting yourself be bettered by such a small idea. You’re a beautiful human being, you are, and I am so, so happy that you’re finding yourself happier, if even the slightest bit. :] <3
Anonymous asked (5/10/2012 2:32PM):
Do you believe in God?
Well, to be perfectly honest, I actually don’t. I’m agnostic, so I don’t believe or disbelieve.
But that’s not saying that I don’t perfectly respect anyone else’s religion or beliefs, or that I’m not spiritual. You don’t need a religion to be spiritual, really. Doing this for people and running my reasons blog has made me the most spiritual I’ve ever been. :]
I hope that’s the answer you were expecting, anon, and I hope that you can respect what I believe as much as I respect whatever it is you might believe. :] Because, after all, who says you need a god or a religion to make what you live by love and kindness? <3
Anonymous asked (5/10/2012 8:54PM):
My mom is in jail, i live with my grandparents, I work a part time job while going to school. I have a boyfriend of 2 years, but lately i have felt like ive had enough. I dont know how to cope anymore. im too stressed
I certainly know how that feels. :(
What I think will help with that, is doing what you can to plan out your schoolwork on a day specific basis, and taking each day one at a time. When you have your days written out, lists made for things you need to do on each one, and actually stick to them, you’ll find yourself a lot less stressed, and feeling a lot better about everything you need to do, especially when it’s done in accordance to your work schedule.
Using that method until summer hits, and until all you have to worry about is your job, is something that really is a good idea to try, because once summer comes around you will have so much time on your hands to relax, cool down, unravel, and all in all feel much better.
You just need to take control of what you have to do enough until you get to that point. And trust me dearie, it’s not much more school you have to get through until that point. You can do it, I promise you. :]
Anonymous asked (5/11/2012 12:56AM):
First I just wanted to say I love this blog so much<3 But I really need some advice. So, I always feel like I’m never good enough. I’m anorexic and everyone says im skinny but I don’t see it so I don’t eat. Also i feel like I’m so much behind everyone else when it comes to relationships. Everyone else has boyfriends and had their first kiss, and I’ve had a boyfriend but I havnt kissed anyone yet. (Im 13) I just feel like a huge waste of space all the time. What do i do to feel good about myself?
Well :( that’s certainly quite a situation you’ve gotten yourself into, isn’t it?
First off, let me say right off the bat, you are not a waste of space. You are *more* than good enough. <3 You just need to learn to see it.
There is no magical age where people are expected to have had their first kiss by. When it’s meant to happen, when the situation is right, it will happen. There’s nothing to it other than that. So what if everyone else already has? It doesn’t say a single bad thing about you. It doesn’t mean nobody likes you, it doesn’t mean you’re undesirable, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. More likely, it means you’re shy. It means anyone else who likes you is also shy. It means whoever you’ve been with hasn’t been brave or mature enough to do it. It means it’s just not your time yet. There’s no reason whatsoever to be ashamed of that. <3 Think of it this way: if you’re older when you get your first kiss, it will be far more meaningful and sweet than it would have been if you were younger, because the both of you will be older and more mature and more able to appreciate such a meaningful act. :]
Now, about your anorexia.. you mentioned that awfully casually. :[ But, in that regard, that’s not exactly something an advice blog can help you with. That is something you should go to your doctor or your parents with; people with real power in your life who can truly do things and help you to get better. Eating disorders aren’t just a ‘phase’ people go through; they are psychological, and not easy to recover from at all. It’s not something you can just change your mind about. So please, do the brave thing and tell those you’re close to what’s going on, so they’ll be able to help you through it before it’s too late. Anorexia can kill you. Trust me, nothing is worth that. :(
I hope I was able to help somehow, love. <3 Don’t think so lowly of yourself, okay? You truly are more beautiful than you realize.
Anonymous asked (5/11/2012 12:56AM):
if i wanted to come to you with relationship advice or comfort do you think you would be able to help me?
Of course I could, sweetheart. <3 Or, at least, I would do my best to. :)
Anonymous asked (5/11/2012 5:42AM):
The advice you gave to on of my questions made me cry of happiness. You are truly beautiful Jen. Keep doing what you’re doing and it will all work out for you in the end. :)
:) I love you anon. Always remember that. <3
And yes, it certainly has all worked out in the end. I don’t think I could be happier right now. :]
I like how that’s what seemed to happen for the both of us. <3 Thank you so much for being so sweet. :)
Anonymous asked (5/11/2012 6:35PM):
I broke up with my boyfriend 6 months ago, but now we are talking again. He admitted that he will always care for me and that I am worth the wait. I’m afraid to give him another chance because I feel like I am sooo undeserving of his love. He is too good to me. He deserves so much better. Sincerey, Am I really worth the wait?
Of course you’re worth the wait, my dear. :)
It seems to me like you’ve already decided you’d like to get back with him, and if that’s your decision, then of course I will respect it. :] Plus, he does sound like an absolute sweetheart, regardless of whether or not it’s healthy for him to still feel that way. It *is* possible that he really does love you that much, and after all, love makes people do extreme things. If he still thinks you’re worth it, after you were the one who ended it before, and if he’s willing to wait for as long as it takes for you to feel ready, and if you still care for him.. of course, depending on why you ended it in the first place, if you feel it is right, then I do recommend getting back with him and giving him another chance. :]
And, giving yourself another chance as well. <3
Because, you really shouldn’t beat yourself up so much. I know exactly what you mean, and how you feel, but maybe you could try to let how he feels about you start to change how you feel about yourself. That’s the beauty of being told things like that.. they start to get to you, and you start believing it. :] And you, I think you need to start believing that sort of thing. <3
I hope I was able to help you at all, dearie. If I wasn’t, then I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling my best right this minute either. :[ I tried my best though. I hope anything at all I said was of some help to you. <3
Anonymous asked (5/11/2012 6:48PM):
Do you support gays?
Of course I do. <3 Anyone of any sexuality or identity is no less deserving or less human than anyone else. Love is love, it doesn’t matter who you are, who you love, or what anyone may choose to identify as. Love is beautiful, and shouldn’t be constrained or limited. :]
I’m not gonna deny being curious about why you felt you had to ask this, anon, but maybe it’s good you did. I can clarify how I feel this way. :] <3
Anonymous asked (5/11/2012 10:16PM):
I’m in love with this guy who barely knows I exist. We don’t talk very much, but when we do, I feel butterflies in my stomach. Today, I heard these girls talking about how he likes this other girl, and it broke my heart. I don’t know what to do :(
Well :( I hate to say it love, but I think the best thing you *can* do is try to move on. You can’t force people to like you, or even to talk to you, and if he barely knows you even exist, especially if you heard that he likes someone else, there’s not really much likelihood of anything happening between you two. That’s not saying that it’s impossible, but, with how things are and entirely for the sake of your own sanity and happiness, doing what you can to move on and get over your feelings for him would be the best thing for you to do.
I know how long that’s going to take, and I know how empty thinking of doing that makes you feel, but, really.. trying to move on sooner rather than later will save you so much future pain, so much future longing and wistfulness, and you will thank yourself for it profusely in the future, for saving yourself from all that unnecessary pain. How you choose to go about it, and how you choose to approach the matter and whatnot, is entirely up to you. But.. setting your mind towards recovering, towards moving on.. truly *wanting* to move on.. is all you really need to do. Once you set your mind towards that, you’ll find that truly doing it isn’t something that seems so impossible after all. :]
I wish you the best of luck, love. Nobody deserves to live with that kind of a broken heart for long. <3
Anonymous asked (5/11/2012 10:33PM):
I feel like I don’t have any friends any more. They are all pushing me away to be with other people and I feel like I’m being replaced. I know that they have other friends and that’s fine, but I feel like they’re pushing me out of their lives completely :(
Well love, the important thing to remember is that, if you and your friends are drifting apart, even though it is painful, it is also completely natural. As people grow and discover who they are, they lose friendships and gain new ones. And, really, it’s not anything personal at all. All it means is that who you are doesn’t still match who they’ve become - or, the other way round - and, that is completely fine.
It does hurt though, yes, and that is something you’re going to have to deal with, unfortunately. :[ But, there’s nothing saying that you can’t make some of your own new friends to spend time with and talk to, and, hey, whoever you find may be better friends to you than they ever were. Then again, they may be just the same, and eventually drift away. You never know, really, but that’s no reason to avoid trying to make friends at all. You never know who you can find where, or how much someone will end up meaning to you. That’s the beauty of friendship, really; it’s completely fluid. Even though the drifting apart hurts, and leaves you nostalgic and wishing things didn’t have to change, it’s important to remember that it’s natural. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just a part of how life is. <3
And, once you do what you can to accept it, you will find yourself feeling less hurt by it, first off, and secondly, you will also find yourself that much closer to being ready to keep your heart open for new friendships. Which, in other words, means that you will be so much happier. So why not try to go for it? :]
Anonymous asked (5/12/2012 12:09AM):
You gave me the best advice out of anyone that i spoke to! you have the most amazing advice and should really consider becoming a therapist or something! thank you so much for taking the time to read what i said and listen to my problem! it means a lot that you would take the time to advise me! your so sweet and i love your blog and thank you so much! <3 <3
:DD That absolutely warms my heart to hear, you have no idea. :)
Funnily enough, I’ve actually thought about someday going to school to become a fully trained therapist. I love doing this enough that I don’t think I’d mind at all, and I could probably learn to help people even more with the proper schooling. :)
You are very welcome! I’m so glad I could help you, if even the slightest bit. :]] May you never, ever stop smiling! <3
Anonymous asked (5/17/2012 3:52PM):
there is this guy who likes me an i like him to but ex is trying to get back with me an i dont know how to tell him i dont wanna go back to him ?
Oh that has to be frustrating. :( Well, even though you may not like to be, you’re going to have to be firm with your ex. I think the best thing to do - and how you do it depends on how much you still respect his feelings - would be to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Tell him you’re no longer interested, that you’ve moved on, that you’re about to be with someone else and he feels the same for you, and that you think he should move on and continue on with his life as well. That you’re sorry, but it would be cruel to lead him on and unfair to the both of you, and being untrue to yourself like that just isn’t something you want to do.
Hopefully, he’ll understand, and won’t be hurt too badly by being told that so honestly. But, that’s the best way for him to be told, and would be so much better than being ignored, strung along, or just any other way that wouldn’t directly tell him what he needs to do. He will be hurt - it’s impossible to avoid that, if he wants to be back with you - but, in the end, he’ll be grateful to you for telling him so upfront, and he’ll be glad of it.
I know that might be hard, but for both his sake and yours it’s something you really need to try to do. Best of luck to you, my dear, in getting everything sorted out. :) <3
Anonymous asked (5/19/2012 2:51PM):
Just dropping by to say you and your blog are beautiful :)
Awww, well :D thank you! <3
That just helped to make my day. ^^
Anonymous asked (5/20/2012 10:55PM):
ahh i loved you before but now i love you so much for making the adam young one. i’m so happy i dont even use propper grammar and puncytuation… ahh i love you so much and i love him so much and i love you so much sahjldhkjshfdskjghf *dies from fangirling*
Haha oh that’s so lovely to hear! :D I’m so glad I was able to do that for you. :) Reactions like this are what I live for! <3
Thank you so much for being so sweet!
Anonymous asked (5/20/2012 10:56PM):
Love the blog and want to reblog some of your stuff! how do i do that lol cant find a reblog button on any of your posts
Thank you! <3
It’s relatively simple. :] When you mouseover each post, a little blue flag appears to the right. You click the text that appears there, and you’ll be taken to the individual post to reblog it. :)
Anonymous asked (5/22/2012 4:45PM):
You’re so sweet , i literally love you , you seem like such an angel !
.. and this is one of the sweetest little messages I’ve ever gotten. <3
You’d be getting the biggest hug ever, you beautiful anon. Thank you, so very much! <33
Anonymous asked (5/28/2012 7:13PM):
Have you ever thought of having someone to help out with making the graphics? I know other tumblrs like this (ei- perfectbucketlist) have multiple people taking and making submissions. Could help with getting more graphics put out. Just a thought :)
I seem to get this question a lot haha. :3
I actually have thought about it! And just, I don’t know, this entire thing has become incredibly personal for me, and I’m not entirely sure I’d be alright with doing that. I know that those other blogs are much more popular, and much more successful, because they churn out graphics so much faster than I do, but when I think about it.. on one hand, I have letting someone help and getting so much more out there and so much more well known, and on the other, there’s keeping it a personal thing, doing graphics at my own pace and keeping control of the way things are run, and letting it help me just as much as it helps everyone else.
It may be a little selfish of me to be leaning more towards the personal aspect of it.. but at the same time, not really. :]
I’m not saying no, though. I’m always entertaining the thought of letting someone else help me. I’m just not yet sure of how I can go about it.
I’ll definitely be sure to keep everyone updated. :)
Anonymous asked (6/02/2012 2:55AM):
A very close friend of mine changed. I told you about it, the scout whose parents were getting divorced and he wanted to kill himself. I met him in the weekend, the first time since Christmas. Now he smokes, drinks, smokes pot and does all sorts of that stuff. He became the kind of person I’d never want to have anything to do with. He’s only 15. The worst thing is, he’s proud about that change. I don’t know what to do.
Aaaah yes, I do remember you. <3 And, that’s terrible. I’m so, so sorry about that. :(
Unfortunately, there’s not really all that much you can do. If he’s changed, and he’s proud of it, it’s not likely you’ll ever be able to get his old self back. The only thing you really can do is be true to yourself, and tell him, he’s changed, and he’s changed into a person you’re not sure you want to still involve yourself with, so if he wants to keep being that person, that’s up to him, but you don’t want to continue knowing him if that’s his choice. Or, you don’t have to tell him, and you can just let your friendship dissolve on its own. That’s what I would do if I were you. Don’t try to continue being friends with him, because you’d only be constantly disgusted and sad every time you’d be with him or think of him if you did. Just do what you can to let yourselves drift apart on their own.
And, unfortunately, there’s not really all that much you can do about the pain aspect of it, except for giving it time. :( Having a close friend of yours change like that is never an easy thing to deal with. But, the only thing you can do is just deal with it in the best possible way, and let time heal the pain in your heart in the meantime.
I hope everything turns out alright for you love. <3
Anonymous asked (6/02/2012 3:00AM):
Czy to właśnie TO?
Nie wiem co masz na myśli. Przepraszamy, nie znam polskiego. :( (Musiałem użyć tłumacza odpowiedzieć na to pytanie)
Anonymous asked (6/02/2012 3:30AM):
Hi! I’m stacey, 16 (: I’ve been texting with this guy for 4 months straight since february. I really like him and there isn’t a day that we wont text each other (: We haven’t been going out lately. I’m not sure if he likes me back but he always texts me first and every time I get a text from him, it makes me happy and completes my day (: I really like him yet he doesn’t make any move- well actually he does but he likes joking a lot. Should I wait for his move or what should I do instead? (:
Hey there Stacey! <3
First off, I do want to say that it does sound like there are some feelings going on there between the both of you, and not just involving you. :) It is to the point, where I believe either of you could make a move, and more or less the same thing would come of it. So, if you wanted to, you could try to make your own moves - see if he wants to come over for dinner, invite him to a movie, or lunch somewhere, or to hang out somewhere near where you both live that the both of you would enjoy being at.. anything at all like that. And, I have a feeling that he would say yes. :]
Or, if you’d rather he be the one to make the first move, then I’d say continue doing what you’re doing, and maybe drop some subtle (or not so subtle) hints that you like him and want to do something about it in the meantime. :] You wouldn’t have to, of course - it may take a little while, but I do believe that if you just carried on with this course and don’t let things let up at all, he will eventually ask you out seriously. But, if you’re impatient and don’t mind handling things yourself, you could take the situation in your own hands and ensure that something between the two of you happens sooner rather than later. :]
I fully believe you can do it, too. It sounds very much like he likes you just as much as you like him. He just might be too shy to do anything about it. :)
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